BPD in simple terms?

[Depression = 72% of members]

I think that maybe I just figured out how to explain BPD in simple terms. Have you seen the movie "Inside Out"? I highly recommend it. It has five basic emotions as characters: Joy, Sadness, Fear, Disgust, and Anger. I just realized that I can explain my partner's moods and behaviors only in terms of these five characters. The cycle that I keep seeing over and over is:

1) Anger - some upsetting event (usually related to fear of being abandoned or fear of being violated/taken advantage of) takes place and quickly ignites an angry outburst, rage, violent or threatening behavior. Dissipates quickly (5-30 min), and turns into... .

2) Disgust - deep loathing for herself and others. Manifested by self-harm, suicidal and self-punishing behaviors, misdirective and manipulate words and actions, strong dislike for everything around her (possessions, house, nature, etc). Can last from several hours to several days, then transitions to... .

3) Sadness - a depressed and hopeless state. Typical symptoms include lack of energy, staying in bed, and deep pessimism. Can last one to several days, then gives way to...

4) Joy - a happy and euphoric state. Sees beauty in everything, idealizes people, is deeply thankful for everything, has a positive, optimistic outlook and confidence in her own abilities. If things go well, this can last for many days, but eventually something upsetting will occur, and then it's back to 1) Anger... .

Notably absent is Fear. I've known my partner for 10 years, and I've never seen her fearful, even though we've been in a number of scary situations. I think Fear is in the background, not at the command console, to use the movie's analogy, and is manifested by background worrying and anxiety. It almost seems that Fear is like a captain, watching for any potential threats and if any are detected, Anger is commanded to drive, followed by the others in the Cycle.

Does this seem familiar? Please let me know if agree with my description, and if not, how your experience is different. I'm very curious how widely applicable this is.

[secretagent]

I think that maybe I just figured out how to explain BPD in simple terms. Have you seen the movie "Inside Out"? I highly recommend it. It has five basic emotions as characters: Joy, Sadness, Fear, Disgust, and Anger. I just realized that I can explain my partner's moods and behaviors only in terms of these five characters. The cycle that I keep seeing over and over is:

1) Anger - some upsetting event (usually related to fear of being abandoned or fear of being violated/taken advantage of) takes place and quickly ignites an angry outburst, rage, violent or threatening behavior. Dissipates quickly (5-30 min), and turns into... .

2) Disgust - deep loathing for herself and others. Manifested by self-harm, suicidal and self-punishing behaviors, misdirective and manipulate words and actions, strong dislike for everything around her (possessions, house, nature, etc). Can last from several hours to several days, then transitions to... .

3) Sadness - a depressed and hopeless state. Typical symptoms include lack of energy, staying in bed, and deep pessimism. Can last one to several days, then gives way to...

4) Joy - a happy and euphoric state. Sees beauty in everything, idealizes people, is deeply thankful for everything, has a positive, optimistic outlook and confidence in her own abilities. If things go well, this can last for many days, but eventually something upsetting will occur, and then it's back to 1) Anger... .

Notably absent is Fear. I've known my partner for 10 years, and I've never seen her fearful, even though we've been in a number of scary situations. I think Fear is in the background, not at the command console, to use the movie's analogy, and is manifested by background worrying and anxiety. It almost seems that Fear is like a captain, watching for any potential threats and if any are detected, Anger is commanded to drive, followed by the others in the Cycle.

Does this seem familiar? Please let me know if agree with my description, and if not, how your experience is different. I'm very curious how widely applicable this is.

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[pearlsw]

Hi secretagent,

Huh! Thanks for taking the time to share this. I can't say it strikes a note off hand, but it is definitely something I'll be thinking about now!

Does your partner have abandonment fears?

Hopefully others will join us and share their thoughts as well!

wishing you peace, pearl.

[isilme]

I see fear all the time in my husband.  It's a primary motivator for all other "symptoms."

Fear of looking bad.
Fear of being unattractive.
Fear of being embarrassed.
Fear of being wrong.
Fear of Failing.
Fear of the future.
Fear of dying/growing old.
Fear of having no legacy to make his mark when he DOES die.

Trigger any one of these fears, or invalidate them, or fulfill them, and he rages.  Yoda had it right - "fear leads to anger, anger leads to hatred, and hatred leads to suffering."

For me, BPD, in a nutshell, is like an emotional disability - the "appendage" used to manage emotions of all gamuts is missing, and we become a prosthetic for them.  They can learn to manage better without that "limb" and can even develop atrophied emotional "muscles" to better manage thins, but all in all, some part of them is missing due to nature and nurture issues, often at a young stage of development.   

[schwing]

Hi Secretagent and

I think that maybe I just figured out how to explain BPD in simple terms. Have you seen the movie "Inside Out"? I highly recommend it. It has five basic emotions as characters: Joy, Sadness, Fear, Disgust, and Anger. I just realized that I can explain my partner's moods and behaviors only in terms of these five characters. The cycle that I keep seeing over and over is:

My thought is that we are all human beings and so we all have the same kinds of emotions more or less.  As I see it, people with BPD (pwBPD) exhibit the same emotions nonBPD people exhibit, however, pwBPD seem to have a diminished (or absent) ability to regulate (or temper) these emotions.  As I understand this disorder, what may reside at the "core" of their disorder could be a traumatic experience (or multiple experiences) that the pwBPD suffered in early childhood development, that resulted in a PTSD-like experience.

To start with, I would describe adults that have PTSD as being "stuck" in their traumatic memories; many suffers essentially re-live their trauma as their brains are trying to "store" them.  If we continue with the "inside out" analogy, for PTSD sufferers, when the mind tries to "store" their bright traumatic memories (such as when we dream), the memory ball instead of dimming and going into storage gets replayed during sleep over and over again at the same level brightness as when it was first created.  Usually when we dream, the "emotional level" of our memories dim and fade such that over time we can remember our significant experiences without our emotions being triggered at the same intensity.  For people with PTSD, their brains seem to have trouble "dimming" their traumatic memories.  And not only their these traumatic memories stay "bright" as their brain gets overwhelmed, other innocuous experiences seem to also trigger the replaying of these traumatic memories.

Now, for pwBPD, my understanding is that they also these traumatic memory balls, but it's like the content of these memories are super opaque.  Such that pwBPD don't relive specific memories but still when they experience a situation that "resonates" they react like PTSD people do and exhibit inappropriate levels of emotions.  I think it's telling that is usually situations that trigger the fear (even imagined fear) of abandonment that consistently provoke heightened emotional responses.

1) Anger - some upsetting event (usually related to fear of being abandoned or fear of being violated/taken advantage of) takes place and quickly ignites an angry outburst, rage, violent or threatening behavior. Dissipates quickly (5-30 min), and turns into... .

Anger is sometimes used as an antidote to overwhelming fear.  When you are overwhelmed by fear of a situation that makes you feel like you are helpless, anger and rage can make you feel less helpless.  Even though intellectually you might recognize that that your anger may not be warranted or make even worsen a situation, if your fear is overwhelming enough, then overwhelming rage may be a conditioned behavior.

2) Disgust - deep loathing for herself and others. Manifested by self-harm, suicidal and self-punishing behaviors, misdirective and manipulate words and actions, strong dislike for everything around her (possessions, house, nature, etc). Can last from several hours to several days, then transitions to... .

When your mind is saturated by very bright emotions, I think it becomes very difficult to see gradients of emotions.  You end up seeing everything in black and white terms with no shades of gray.  Things are either perfect or else they are totally worthless; and this applies to self perception as well.  You either maintain the delusion that you have never done anything wrong (i.e. always the victim) or else you experience deep self loathing that can only be alleviated by pronounced self gratification or even self harm.

3) Sadness - a depressed and hopeless state. Typical symptoms include lack of energy, staying in bed, and deep pessimism. Can last one to several days, then gives way to...

I'm guessing that this is the state a pwBPD defaults to when they subscribe to the delusion that they have done nothing wrong and are only the victim.  And when they subscribe to this narrative what they are really looking for is a rescuer.

4) Joy - a happy and euphoric state. Sees beauty in everything, idealizes people, is deeply thankful for everything, has a positive, optimistic outlook and confidence in her own abilities. If things go well, this can last for many days, but eventually something upsetting will occur, and then it's back to 1) Anger... .

And when they find their rescuer they are elated. Finally someone who will not abandon/betray or denigrate them.  Except, once they have an experience to resonates with their traumatic memory... .they re-experience the same emotions that started the whole cycle again.

Notably absent is Fear. I've known my partner for 10 years, and I've never seen her fearful, even though we've been in a number of scary situations. I think Fear is in the background, not at the command console, to use the movie's analogy, and is manifested by background worrying and anxiety. It almost seems that Fear is like a captain, watching for any potential threats and if any are detected, Anger is commanded to drive, followed by the others in the Cycle.

I think you're right.  Fear is at the helm of their situation.  And this fear is motivated in ways that nondisorder people cannot empathize with. 

I wonder actually if the kinds of things nonBPD people do to feel better about such fears become the very same triggers that pwBPD  experience which set the whole cycle off.

Whenever I was dealing with a BPD loved one in my life, whenever I acted in a way that I thought would strengthen my rapport with my BPD loved one.  It never had the intended effect.  And often it preluded another "episode" of inappropriate emotions.

Best wishes,

Schwing

[secretagent]

Hi everyone, and thank you for your wonderful feedback! I pretty much agree with everything that was said. In fact, I think I *may* be on to something with this "basic emotion" business, and now have enough confidence to expand my "Inside Out" analogy a bit further:

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In the movie, emotions inhabited a "command center", which looked different for each person. This is obviously a thought experiment, not meant to be taken literally, but I do think it could be a very useful analogy. Here's how I imagine my BPD partner's command center:

It's like the bridge of Battlestar Galactica (the new one). Dimly lit, highly militaristic, always on hair-trigger alert. The basic emotions are the crew, they're in the survival mode, fighting for their lives. Fear is in the command chair. All other emotions take orders from him, rather than working together cooperatively. 

The reason for this arrangement is because a long time ago, something really, really traumatic happened. Fear, as the last line of defense against harm, took command as an emergency measure, and "militarized" all other emotions towards a single goal - survival. The walls of the command center are covered in banners that say things like "Never again!", "Never forget!", and "Always be ready!". Traumatic memories that resemble the original trauma are kept on display to keep the crew motivated.

Fear is always vigilant, scanning the viewscreen (environment) for threats. When he detects something that has enough resemblance to the traumatic event from long ago, he hits the big "Red Alert" button. Alarms blare. I imagine Fear might give a short speech: "Once again, there is a threat out there. But if we trust our experience and determination, we can make it through. I know I can count on each one of you to do your duty. You all know what to do. Anger, you're up first. Do your best."

Anger is an intense and effective way to get the body ready for a self-defensive fight, but takes up a lot of energy, so it's quickly relieved by Disgust. Disgust protects by causing revulsion towards other people, like the ones that caused that long-ago traumatic event. Then Sadness is ordered to drive. Sadness protects by causing my partner to stay in a safe environment (indoors, alone or with one or two trusted people) where there are few threats. Fear continues to vigilantly monitor the environment, and when appropriate, orders Joy to drive. Joy protects by making my partner likeable and desirable, allowing her to establish and maintain a support network.
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Can you imagine something like this going on inside your partner? More specifically, when you think back on some of the worst crises you've gone through with your partner, can you recognize the Anger-Disgust-Sadness-Joy pattern in their behavior? Observing them now, asking yourself, "Which basic emotion is driving right now?", and noting the pattern may also be helpful.

About Fear... .Yes, absolutely, I see fear all the time, mostly in the form of worrying and anxiety, and my partner has a lot of fears, including definitely fear of abandonment. However, what I think may be significant in my partner's behavior is:

* I have seen Anger dialed up to 11
* I have seen Disgust dialed up to 11
* I have seen Sadness dialed up to 11
* I have seen Joy dialed up to 11
* I have NEVER seen Fear dialed up to 11. Not even close. This includes situations, such as a serious airplane emergency, that induce intense fear in most people, myself included. My partner's response to those situations has always been absolute calm.