Am I being a fool thinking its only a matter of time until she realizes that polyamory isn't going to work for her and she will come back for me?
Hello Rhomer and Welcome to BPD Family
Glad you are comfortable posting your story here. I highlighted this question in hopes to provide a little insight.
First, I dont think you are being a "fool". Being in love with someone means we are willing to be and have been vulnerable with the ones we love. BPD is a complex disorder that involves difficulty with emotional attachments, specifically what a relationship is. Fear of abandonment and enmeshment are the hallmarks of the attachment disorder.
It seems possible to me that her seeking to be with others could be interpreted as a way to create emotional separation, thereby easing the discomfort of attachment and associated fear of abandonment and enmeshment. Assuming that these BPD traits are at work in your situation, your question could be rephrased as asking will she realize that she has an attachment disorder? Again assuming that this line of thinking is correct, it is possible, but unlikely unless there is a compelling circumstance that gets her to want to investigate her actions.
In my opinion, the nature of her words are likely not at all what they appear to be on the surface; deep interest in polyamory. Rather, it is more likely that this is part of an internal coping mechanism to address an unconscious fear of abandonment. For example, if I am not too close to you, I cannot be hurt if you leave.
Have you had a chance to read any of the literature to better understand BPD? Here is a link to the <a href="
https://bpdfamily.com/content/borderline-personality-disorder">:)SM definition of BPD[/url]. Although not every person with BPD shows every symptom, the general outline is there.
Do any of these symptoms resonate with what you have experienced?