Questions remain. Answers can only come from within me.
It's true that I have chosen toxic partners. I have made horrible choices. Knowing beforehand that these people were bad for me but proceeded anyway. That is how I am toxic to myself. It all seemed like fun and games at the time.
I am ashamed of myself for playing God thinking that I could make a home ("wife", kids, grown up responsibility) with a person who from the beginning admitted to what I call a pathological fear of marriage (read: commitment). Who I knew was emotionally unstable, yet I chose to have a child with her... .then another. And now it has all blown up due to some of her core BPD fears: abandonment, cheating... .which since I didn't the script in her head resulted in she becoming the physical manifestation of the two. My own script said that I could make it work when really, this was the only end result. So I focused on the ideal, rather then the foundations (or lack thereof) upon that such an ideal and end goal required.
