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VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?" Parental alienation is when a parent allows a child to participate or hear them degrade the other parent. This is not uncommon in divorces and the children often adjust. In severe cases, however, it can be devastating to the child. This video provides a helpful overview.
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Author Topic: After Period of NC, Ex Asked to Go on Trip with Me. Why?  (Read 479 times)
savreina
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 56


« on: February 22, 2018, 04:15:35 PM »

As some of you know my ex broke NC yesterday and we’ve been talking but she just asked if I wanted to go on a trip with her this summer... it was completely random and she’s acting as if nothing EVER HAPPENED. As if she never hurt me or threatened me. It’s like she’s picking up where she left off & per usual she brought up someone I dated after she discarded me the first time
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BeagleGirl
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Divorced
Posts: 570



« Reply #1 on: February 22, 2018, 08:06:04 PM »

Do you feel like you are able to answer the following questions:

-Do you want to have a relationship (romantic or otherwise) with this person?

-If so, what kind of relationship would you like to have?

-What are the things you refuse to have be a part of that relationship?

-Are you capable of/ready to have the kind of relationship you want to have with her?

-Are you capable of/ready to end a relationship with her if those things you refuse to have in a relationship start popping up?

If I may offer some advice, I think that now is a really good time to shift your focus away from what she wants or may be offering to what you want and are willing to accept/offer in return.
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Lucky Jim
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
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« Reply #2 on: February 23, 2018, 10:46:55 AM »

Hey Sav, It sounds a little weird to me for her to invite you, out of the blue, to take a trip w/her this Summer.  When you say she broke N/C yesterday, I'm wondering whether you prefer to remain NC?  On the other hand, maybe you are interested in a recycle?  If so, plenty of us have done it, including me, though I would ask you, what make you think things would play out differently this time?  As BeagleGirl suggests, it's a good time to zero in on what you would like to see happen.  What is the right path for you?  It's your call, my friend, not hers.

LuckyJim
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    A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing.
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tiki
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Friend
Posts: 179


« Reply #3 on: February 23, 2018, 01:55:07 PM »

Isn’t it all a little predictable though? No one on this board is going to be like... what? No way. I mean, right? Unless are you interested in friendship? I sometimes wonder if friendship is possible after they shed their obsession. I guess not though because you would still be in danger of shifting to their number 1 position. Which apperantly is the worst thing to be.
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Turkish
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Other
Relationship status: "Divorced"/abandoned by SO in Feb 2014; Mother with BPD, PTSD, Depression and Anxiety: RIP in 2021.
Posts: 12155


Dad to my wolf pack


« Reply #4 on: February 23, 2018, 11:36:21 PM »

Is it crossing your mind to go?

My ex asked me to go to Hawaii last year with her and the kids.  She's seperated, but still married. 
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    “For the strength of the Pack is the Wolf, and the strength of the Wolf is the Pack.” ― Rudyard Kipling
Harley Quinn
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I am exactly where I need to be, right now.


« Reply #5 on: February 24, 2018, 07:49:57 AM »

Savreina,

You've been asked some really good questions here by BeagleGirl and everyone else.  I'd encourage you to give this some thought.  What you decide will have an effect on you either way.  Consider the risk versus the benefit.  Realistically, with what you know of her behaviour, do you see yourself accepting that type of behaviour on an ongoing basis in your life?  We will support you here through whatever you decide.

Love and light x 
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