Not the Normal Question

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Ok due to the fact that I feel I have made up my mind pretty securely on this, and the fact that I want a healthy life for myself, my son, and with someone else.

Is there an anti-list, or some list of things that I can do to guarantee my exBPDgf will never even attempt a recycling or re-engagement? 

Its not that I don't trust myself its that I really feel that the best thing is to never be with this person again.  With that said in healthy mind and spirit with the knowledge that I really think she is probably never going to get better or if she does it will be the natural "slow progression" to adulthood maybe by age 50; seriously what can I do in your opinion that will lower the probability of this person ever returning or attempting to?

Few facts:

I broke up with her in January, I left/abandoned her, and I took our 19 month old son since I have majority custody.  - I think due to their abandonment fears I put epic nails in the coffin here, as to try and overcome the dysfunction of a return by myself to a relationship with her would cause her great fear in me leaving again. 

Then again, I'm thinking like a rational person, and as well since I do have our son and the next replacement fails, she will either find another replacement or will be left with nothing trying to contact me, aside from her kids she sees from her ex through the week and our son on the weekends.

Ideas to destroy possible recycling or reengaging?  I can't go NC, we have a child so its as LC as I can get here.  Have her deleted or blocked on all social networks.

[Exeter]

Ok due to the fact that I feel I have made up my mind pretty securely on this, and the fact that I want a healthy life for myself, my son, and with someone else.

Is there an anti-list, or some list of things that I can do to guarantee my exBPDgf will never even attempt a recycling or re-engagement? 

Its not that I don't trust myself its that I really feel that the best thing is to never be with this person again.  With that said in healthy mind and spirit with the knowledge that I really think she is probably never going to get better or if she does it will be the natural "slow progression" to adulthood maybe by age 50; seriously what can I do in your opinion that will lower the probability of this person ever returning or attempting to?

Few facts:

I broke up with her in January, I left/abandoned her, and I took our 19 month old son since I have majority custody.  - I think due to their abandonment fears I put epic nails in the coffin here, as to try and overcome the dysfunction of a return by myself to a relationship with her would cause her great fear in me leaving again. 

Then again, I'm thinking like a rational person, and as well since I do have our son and the next replacement fails, she will either find another replacement or will be left with nothing trying to contact me, aside from her kids she sees from her ex through the week and our son on the weekends.

Ideas to destroy possible recycling or reengaging?  I can't go NC, we have a child so its as LC as I can get here.  Have her deleted or blocked on all social networks.

[Mutt]

Is there an anti-list, or some list of things that I can do to guarantee my exBPDgf will never even attempt a recycling or re-engagement? 

Boundaries.

You can't control if she may or may not attempt. She may test to see if you are available from time to time.

[Exeter]

A few years ago at work I learned about my Sphere of Control, Sphere of Influence, and Weather or uncontrollable.

I understand I cannot control that, however I feel there might be a list of things... . possibly that can influence its reduction of probability.

[willy45]

Dude. That's a million dollar question. I have tried everything to get my ex to stop contacting me. Being mean. Being kind. Explaining. Ignoring. Everything. Nothing works. She still contacts me from time to time. In my case, she has 'no interest' in ever being romantically involved me but at the same time her calls are all about how much she misses me, how she will never find anyone who understands her like I do, how I am her soul mate and on and on and on. Once she called me to tell me how much she missed my c*ck, and then a few later was totally confused as to why I would think she was trying to get back together with me.

In any case, I don't think there is anything you can do. If you are mean and cruel, she will want use that as an excuse to contact and cross boundaries. If you are nice and caring, she will use that as an excuse to cross boundaries. Mutt is 100% correct. There is nothing you can do. I've tried dude. Trust me. I thought I burned the bridge of ever hearing of her or talking to her. Nope.

The ONLY thing you can do is build your own boundaries. Sorry buddy... . It ___ing sucks. But you aren't dealing with a healthy adult. You can just say: 'Hey, this is hard on me, I need this or that, and please respect that". I've tried that. Her response was 'no'. So, you have build your own boundaries. Totally sucks to have to look inside and do the work. But, it is worth it. Trust me on that too. Other parts of your life will get better too as you start to build boundaries and learn that you have worth and that you are the only person who is going to stick up for it.

[Red Sky]

I have read about the idea of being as 'boring' as possible... . Basically what willy45 has said. As in, not trying to give her attention, bad or good, not leaving her opportunities to ask about herself and so forth. But I agree that it's not easy and especially so when you have a child to look after.

This was the link I was reading... .

https://bpdfamily.com/bpdresources/nk_a110.htm

[intoashell]

I understand your question and am new so perhaps know very little but have thought about and tried lots of things with my ex boyfriend. The conclusion I have come to is that for me its similar to saying 'how can I make him well?' - nothing works. LC is tough for me and am still succeseptible to emotional blackmail as am trying to see a way through the fog and the fog is what keeps me there etc. So my new thing is thinking about how boundaries are for me, not him. Boundaries make him worse but that's not my problem.

At one point I hoped a replacement would come along, it hasn't happened yet and can see that even if it did unless I am firm about my level of interaction it may make no difference. Reading stuff on this board makes me wonder if its easier just because there is more respite but he may still turn up and try and give me his fog or anger when the replacement was busy ( busy = unconscious ). So sorry I don't have a magic answer but am right with you and am having a real go myself at setting these boundaries for me. I could be thousands of miles away from him but I have to be prepared that he could still contact me for example through a fake social media contact.

[Exeter]

Dude. That's a million dollar question. I have tried everything to get my ex to stop contacting me. Being mean. Being kind. Explaining. Ignoring. Everything. Nothing works. She still contacts me from time to time. In my case, she has 'no interest' in ever being romantically involved me but at the same time her calls are all about how much she misses me, how she will never find anyone who understands her like I do, how I am her soul mate and on and on and on. Once she called me to tell me how much she missed my c*ck, and then a few later was totally confused as to why I would think she was trying to get back together with me.

In any case, I don't think there is anything you can do. If you are mean and cruel, she will want use that as an excuse to contact and cross boundaries. If you are nice and caring, she will use that as an excuse to cross boundaries. Mutt is 100% correct. There is nothing you can do. I've tried dude. Trust me. I thought I burned the bridge of ever hearing of her or talking to her. Nope.

The ONLY thing you can do is build your own boundaries. Sorry buddy... . It ___ing sucks. But you aren't dealing with a healthy adult. You can just say: 'Hey, this is hard on me, I need this or that, and please respect that". I've tried that. Her response was 'no'. So, you have build your own boundaries. Totally sucks to have to look inside and do the work. But, it is worth it. Trust me on that too. Other parts of your life will get better too as you start to build boundaries and learn that you have worth and that you are the only person who is going to stick up for it.

The fact remains here is that I do have some control, over our son, where he lives, and the fact that she pays me child support... . STARTING SOON!  With that said, she could be pissed and never want or try to come back, or she could hate it and do everything in her power to try and get me back so she does not have to deal with this.

For some reason I keep thinking and yes I have read the lessons that she really knows something is wrong with her, yet will not get the help due to having little to no money.

Rationally thinking boundaries are a sound idea to keep her away yet its no guarantee, and whether you are co-dependent or not or if you are just a good person, compassion sometimes can get in the way.  The way I look at it is tough love, I have to let you go because you cannot be fixed, or will not do what you have to do to get fixed. 

I'm trying to start thinking irrationally to try and figure out what her mind is more like and responding on her level of stupidity as I like to call it and therefore revenge seems to be the only thing that is completely non-Christian and makes no sense yet might yield the best results.  The only reason why I am saying this is because it makes no sense, a person showing revenge would naturally piss the other person off and therefore there is no reason anyone in anger would want to come back.