What is it about pwBPD and the cops?

[dagwoodbowser]

All of the break ups included threats of police

What is it about BPD's and the Cops? One the one hand she despised them (several run ins) yet one at least 3 occasions called them on me and several threats? None of them had anything to do with physical abuse on my part. One time she simply didnt like that we were having a "discussion" not an argument mind you, that she was unable to respond with any sound logic. Another time she was sick and she had asked me for antibiotics. Told her I would take them right over and she insisted on the following day. Thought nothing of it and went to her house. Knocked, no answer. In 5 mins cops were there. The last time she broke up with me she demanded I take her home. She slammed door and stormed off. I felt badly and went to see if we could talk. Bam... .2 squad cars. Never amounted to anything, no charges, but ridicule and explanations that were unwarranted.

[zundertowz]

All of the break ups included threats of police

What is it about BPD's and the Cops? One the one hand she despised them (several run ins) yet one at least 3 occasions called them on me and several threats? None of them had anything to do with physical abuse on my part. One time she simply didnt like that we were having a "discussion" not an argument mind you, that she was unable to respond with any sound logic. Another time she was sick and she had asked me for antibiotics. Told her I would take them right over and she insisted on the following day. Thought nothing of it and went to her house. Knocked, no answer. In 5 mins cops were there. The last time she broke up with me she demanded I take her home. She slammed door and stormed off. I felt badly and went to see if we could talk. Bam... .2 squad cars. Never amounted to anything, no charges, but ridicule and explanations that were unwarranted.

Its probably the biggest factor in why I gave up... .that and getting other people involved in our drama... .calling the police for no reason and the ramifications of that are just disgusting and unacceptable!

[Restored2]

Dagwoodbowser, JRT and zundertowz:  Join the ranks of the police complaint club with me!  Mine called the police on me claiming a criminal charge of harassment against me when I ran into her 15 old son at a community football event.  The message reiterated to me was that she feels unsafe with me being around her children, which is absolutely ludicrous.  I have a decade of social work experience involving children and have driven her children around by myself in the vehicle for various trips without any such incidents for concern of safety.  Not sure what changed in her mind after she abruptly broke up with me for her to think otherwise of me.  

[JRT]

I wonder why they do that? Its like they play ALL of their cards even if they don't need to. Wouldn't a simple '___ Off' text or phone call have done just as well? Not that you did anything that earned a corresponding response from the Police.

Mine had a lawyer friend send a letter threatening a PPO against me because I tried to call and email her the day of her disappearance and a few days after! Three months later I called her on xmas eve and she called the cops! The interesting thing is this: if she was REALLY serious about causing me legal harm, she would have called the attorney and had him go ahead with the PPO. It doesn't make any sense to her end. I have read somewhere where its possible that its just the chaos that some of them crave that gets them off (mine actually got nervous without continuous chaos in her life).

Maybe this deserves its own thread... .

[zundertowz]

Dagwoodbowser, JRT and zundertowz:  Join the ranks of the police complaint club with me!  Mine called the police on me claiming a criminal charge of harassment against me when I ran into her 15 old son at a community football event.  The message reiterated to me was that she feels unsafe with me being around her children, which is absolutely ludicrous.  I have a decade of social work experience involving children and have driven her children around by myself in the vehicle for various trips without any such incidents for concern of safety.  Not sure what changed in her mind after she abruptly broke up with me for her to think otherwise of me.  

I dont think it had a damn thing to do with her feeling unsafe with you dagwood... .it was all about power and her using the cops as a tool to hurt you.

[zundertowz]

I dont think it had a damn thing to do with her feeling unsafe with you dagwood... .it was all about power and her using the cops as a tool to hurt you.  she was actually holding my belongings hostage after the break up... .the only reason I got them back was after I turned the tables and said I was contactiong the police and would call cps on her... .my stuff was outside in an hour... .before then she claimed she threw everything out.  

[dagwoodbowser]

I turned the tables and said I was contactiong the police and would call cps on her

LMAO! Dude... .do you live in Texas by chance? Seems we dated same woman maybe? My X was terrified of CPS.

She already had a case or two on her. She was never physically abusive with her kids... .but man was she verbally, emotionally abusive, not to mention somewhat neglect full as well as big time in PAS(parental alienation syndrome) about her kids Dad. Anyway, Im very much into tools and I was actually doing stuff around her house one day, it was hot and I really did alot for her that day. Something set her off and she told me to leave. I had left my tools there. She refused to give them back. I was ticked and unfortunately used the 'Ol i'm calling CPS... .well it worked. But darn it she put them outside! I got there, ran out of car, threw them in car and hauled butt just in case it was a trap. 3 days later she calls me with the sweetest voice saying " Hey hun... .I've missed you... .where you been?" Crazy... .and so was I!

[dagwoodbowser]

Dagwoodbowser, JRT and zundertowz:  Join the ranks of the police complaint club with me!  Mine called the police on me claiming a criminal charge of harassment against me when I ran into her 15 old son at a community football event.  The message reiterated to me was that she feels unsafe with me being around her children, which is absolutely ludicrous.  I have a decade of social work experience involving children and have driven her children around by myself in the vehicle for various trips without any such incidents for concern of safety.  Not sure what changed in her mind after she abruptly broke up with me for her to think otherwise of me. 

That sux dude... .they are soo darn impulsive and at that moment they pull the trigger they do not at all think about consequences of what something like this can do to a persons future or career. I was just lucky that I have a squeeky clean background, no warrants or traffic tickets when she did this.

[PaintedBlack28]

Hey guys, count me in.

I had mine pointed at me with her finger when we ran into some cops that were nearby due to an unrelated incident. She told them I was harassing her. In two seconds I had 4 cops surrounding me while other took her aside for questioning. Apparently she told him she had this disorder, that she was very distressed and all she wanted was to go home, that I was trying to engage her in a conversation about our r/s and that she wasnt in the mood. We had b/u the previous month when she disappeared. Of course I was trying to seek an explanation, so these cops formed a barrier and let her go on her way until she was out of sight they didnt let me go. They told me that if she had filed charges I would have got arrested on the spot. The next day her father called me and told that if I ever tried to contact her again that he would take legal action against me. This happened in November and it was very traumatic for me.

[zundertowz]

I turned the tables and said I was contactiong the police and would call cps on her

LMAO! Dude... .do you live in Texas by chance? Seems we dated same woman maybe? My X was terrified of CPS.

She already had a case or two on her. She was never physically abusive with her kids... .but man was she verbally, emotionally abusive, not to mention somewhat neglect full as well as big time in PAS(parental alienation syndrome) about her kids Dad. Anyway, Im very much into tools and I was actually doing stuff around her house one day, it was hot and I really did alot for her that day. Something set her off and she told me to leave. I had left my tools there. She refused to give them back. I was ticked and unfortunately used the 'Ol i'm calling CPS... .well it worked. But darn it she put them outside! I got there, ran out of car, threw them in car and hauled butt just in case it was a trap. 3 days later she calls me with the sweetest voice saying " Hey hun... .I've missed you... .where you been?" Crazy... .and so was I!

LOL i'm from NY... .it is very helpful to know other people have been threw the same experiences... .there was a time that I was completly shell shocked, my head was spinning and I felt crazy.   I have been around the block and dated cheaters, liers, I thought that was about as bad as it got... .but having someone who seemed so perfect turn into someone who literally wanted and still wants to ruin my life is something that will never let me look at people the same way again.

[zundertowz]

Dagwoodbowser, JRT and zundertowz:  Join the ranks of the police complaint club with me!  Mine called the police on me claiming a criminal charge of harassment against me when I ran into her 15 old son at a community football event.  The message reiterated to me was that she feels unsafe with me being around her children, which is absolutely ludicrous.  I have a decade of social work experience involving children and have driven her children around by myself in the vehicle for various trips without any such incidents for concern of safety.  Not sure what changed in her mind after she abruptly broke up with me for her to think otherwise of me. 

That sux dude... .they are soo darn impulsive and at that moment they pull the trigger they do not at all think about consequences of what something like this can do to a persons future or career. I was just lucky that I have a squeeky clean background, no warrants or traffic tickets when she did this.

I believe they are more calculatiing than this... .my ex once said I will call the cops on you and tell them your abusing me and that would will follow you the rest of your life... .YIKES!

[LeonVa]

Allow me to join your club.

My wife called the cops after she punched a huge hole into the bedroom door because our kid is locked inside... .the reason? When I came home (after she called me to get back), I simply asked, "What happened? You could've just waited for me". 

She threatened to call the cops, I said, "Go ahead. What the f are they going to do about it?", while on the call, she told 911 I was threatening her.  What the heck!  I was home for at most 2 minutes at the time.

Good thing, no one got arrested, but man, I was  DONE at that point.

[gettingoverit]

I think the reason why they call the cops is two fold. One, I think it's about power over you and punishing you, and two, calling the cops will corroborate their ___ being abused by you story that they have told your replacement. Nothing confirms that you are abusive then calling the police. This is typical BPD behaviour. Just one more example of how completely messed up they really are.

[zundertowz]

I think the reason why they call the cops is two fold. One, I think it's about power over you and punishing you, and two, calling the cops will corroborate their bullsh*t being abused by you story that they have told your replacement. Nothing confirms that you are abusive then calling the police. This is typical BPD behaviour. Just one more example of how completely messed up they really are.

I think you hit the nail on the head in my case... .power, punishment and corroborate there story to replacement, family, and friends... .truly messed up!

[dagwoodbowser]

I think you hit the nail on the head in my case... .power, punishment and corroborate there story to replacement, family, and friends... .truly messed up!

This is sad and terrifying for me all at once. When we got back together for the 3rd Recycle I pretty much knew at that point it was for sexual gratification. The idea that she was reaching out to me for deeper reasons had faded and the tome of her conversation eluded to what her intentions were. I was lonely, missed her and thought "what the heck." However, the whole time during our intimacy and for a few days after that I had not really heard back from her I was in a great panic that she was going to claim some sort of false charge of Assault or rape. Given the way things are I know it's not only unhealthy for me to go take another sip from the pool, but likely dangerous.

[zundertowz]

I think you hit the nail on the head in my case... .power, punishment and corroborate there story to replacement, family, and friends... .truly messed up!

This is sad and terrifying for me all at once. When we got back together for the 3rd Recycle I pretty much knew at that point it was for sexual gratification. The idea that she was reaching out to me for deeper reasons had faded and the tome of her conversation eluded to what her intentions were. I was lonely, missed her and thought "what the heck." However, the whole time during our intimacy and for a few days after that I had not really heard back from her I was in a great panic that she was going to claim some sort of false charge of Assault or rape. Given the way things are I know it's not only unhealthy for me to go take another sip from the pool, but likely dangerous.

dagwood reading your posts our exes sound very similiar.  On the one hand there behaviour has damaged me beyond belief... .but on a positive note I have no delusions of getting back together with her or see much good... .so its really about healing myself and letting go.

[clydegriffith]

The cops are used as a tool for control. Sooner or later, a BPD woman realizes just how easy it is to have a man arrested and it's only a matter of time before they play that card. Unfortunatley i know this all too well as the BPDx had me arrested 4 times within a span of 8 months. All charges end up being dismissed in each instance but she does not face in consiquences. She could make something up again tomorrow and i would be once again maliciously prosecuted despite the fact that the 4 other times she did that the charges were dismissed.

[swimjim]

Do a google search for SAVORY DISH / REACHING OUT. Read this article. It is very informative about splitting you black and calling the cops etc. To quote Savory Dish: Be very careful reaching out to them when they have split you black especially if they have a history of sexual assault. At this point, you may be seen as a potential predator. Your attempts to confront your borderline on the run may trigger those memories. Forget what tenderness you may have shared before. Once they split you black, game over! You are a total stranger to them. This is not the same person you knew before. That was a façade. This is the BPD stripped down to his / her true nature.

This article resonated with me. I had the police called on me and then a false restraining order. It may not have anything to do with punishment but rather an illusion. Very tragic.

[dagwoodbowser]

Be very careful reaching out to them when they have split you black especially if they have a history of sexual assault. At this point, you may be seen as a potential predator. Your attempts to confront your borderline on the run may trigger those memories. Forget what tenderness you may have shared before. Once they split you black, game over! You are a total stranger to them. This is not the same person you knew before. That was a façade. This is the BPD stripped down to his / her true nature.

At this juncture I have no intention on reaching out. The article makes sense if they have you totally painted Black, but she called the cops on me after asking me if I had anti-biotics? The only thing I did wrong was that I took them over right away cause she was really sick even though she asked me to go over till the following day. Hindsight tells me she probably was up to no good and why she didnt want to open the door. But I wasnt anywhere near being painted Black. It's just more poor impulse and power control regardless of the color. My opinion of course.

[Mutt]

Dagwoodbowser, JRT and zundertowz:  Join the ranks of the police complaint club with me!  Mine called the police on me claiming a criminal charge of harassment against me when I ran into her 15 old son at a community football event.  The message reiterated to me was that she feels unsafe with me being around her children, which is absolutely ludicrous.  I have a decade of social work experience involving children and have driven her children around by myself in the vehicle for various trips without any such incidents for concern of safety.  Not sure what changed in her mind after she abruptly broke up with me for her to think otherwise of me.  

That sux dude... .they are soo darn impulsive and at that moment they pull the trigger they do not at all think about consequences of what something like this can do to a persons future or career. I was just lucky that I have a squeeky clean background, no warrants or traffic tickets when she did this.

I was almost a nervous wreck waiting for 8 months for my court appearance and lost a lot of weight from the stress. I was split black and she couldn't see the positive qualities or the grey area and I think I triggered witch.

At the time I didn't know about BPD and that my wife could be potentially be mentally ill. I couldn't make sense why she would risk sending dad to jail - I was the sole provider for a young family. Calling the cops is also a quick way to triangulate someone into persecutor role.

[JRT]

 Calling the cops is also a quick way to triangulate someone into persecutor role.[/quote]
Mutt... .I don't quite understand this part and wondered if you could expound. I guess I can see why, how and under what circumstances a BPD would do this, but why call the law to do it when the role is already defined. Sure, you would need the law to exert force, but otherwise, would they even be needed in the mind of a pwBPD?

[zundertowz]

I keep hearing poor impulse control but I dont believe that in my case... .I think it was a calculated way of gaining power and painting me the villian not only to friends, family , and im guessing replacement. Im lucky she never actually made the call(  she actually pretended to call multiple times ) but She once told me that a domestic voilence charge will follow you the rest of your life.  It was also a tool to get me to leave the house when she didnt want me there... .pretty sick.  I went back twice like a fool... .she then started pushing marriage then bam one small fight and the next day same threats... .I left and never went back.  Im thankfull now she went this far it makes it easier to see that this is a person i would never wanna be with.  im over 30 days no contact and my head is starting to clear a little bit... .but going through this has definatly given me ptsd or something.

[dagwoodbowser]

I think it was a calculated way of gaining power and painting me the villian not only to friends, family , and im guessing replacement.

Hmm... .zunder besides my PTSD that I know I defintately suffered, I think paranoia might be setting in too? I keep telling you I think we were involved with same woman. I'm willing to bet you might very well be on her Orbitors?

LMAO!

[zundertowz]

I think it was a calculated way of gaining power and painting me the villian not only to friends, family , and im guessing replacement.

Hmm... .zunder besides my PTSD that I know I defintately suffered, I think paranoia might be setting in too? I keep telling you I think we were involved with same woman. I'm willing to bet you might very well be on her Orbitors?

LMAO!

Yea Dagwood I think we got the worst of the worst... .thats why its so important to be strong and stay no contact... .for me it feels like a matter of life and death literally... .the only thing my ex had going for her was her looks and her sexuality... .everything else was a fake persona

[dagwoodbowser]

the only thing my ex had going for her was her looks and her sexuality... .everything else was a fake persona

My X often compared herself to a Ferrarri. In some ways she was right. An exotic ride, the thrills and intensity with the roar of the engine taking on hairpin curves at 90 miles an hour. The ego boost to be seen about town. However, there was always the panic of cops pulling you over, constant and expensive maintanence, the horror and panic of leaving it unattended and ptsd over shopping carts. Definately going for a Honda or a Toyota next time around.

[zundertowz]

the only thing my ex had going for her was her looks and her sexuality... .everything else was a fake persona

My X often compared herself to a Ferrarri. In some ways she was right. An exotic ride, the thrills and intensity with the roar of the engine taking on hairpin curves at 90 miles an hour. The ego boost to be seen about town. However, there was always the panic of cops pulling you over, constant and expensive maintanence, the horror and panic of leaving it unattended and ptsd over shopping carts. Definately going for a Honda or a Toyota next time around.

LOL Hilarious!  Whats kinda sad is my ex could of had it all in life... .she is beautiful could be fun and charming but her parents must have messed her up big time i guess.  She has a crappy job, no money, 2 depressed kids, awfull relationships... .its all about the next white knight that is coming to save the day.  When her looks go she will be alone and miserable like everyone else in her family.

[drummerboy]

Months after we broke up I tested positive for an STD. I told me ex about it via a mutual friend. 3 days later I get a interim restraining order claiming I was psychologically abusing her!

[Restored2]

Hi drummerboy.  What you went through is beyond incredible!  It is absolutely ridiculous that an interim restraining order could be issued to you considering the circumstances.  Were you not able to counteract this in some way?   

[drummerboy]

Not where I live, it would have cost me approx $3000 for an attorney to fight it. It's no biggie as I obviously want nothing to do with her so the restraining order is meaningless but it's an outrageous abuse of the justice system.

As always my advice is have nothing to do with your ex after the r/s is over, they are unstable and totally unpredictable.

Hi drummerboy.  What you went through is beyond incredible!  It is absolutely ridiculous that an interim restraining order could be issued to you considering the circumstances.  Were you not able to counteract this in some way?   

[Restored2]

drummerboy: It sounds like a completely outrageous abuse of the justice system.  I just don't understand how someone is able to get away with having such claims translated into an interim restraining order or otherwise.  It is all extremely baffling to me.