Hi all
Little history before I update the most recent events with now exBP, actually haven't even been on the boards for some months, probably since Christmas when I last heard (unwanted) news of exBP from one of his family.
At any rate, spent 4 years off and on with my BP, 2 where he first lived at mine, raging, abusing, and freeloading. After 2 years of his abuse, (in all forms and extreme), he had added my children and their partners to his hate list and began initiating physical conflicts with them also. I told him (had given him the chance many times to resolve his differences with people or me etc and he always refused) he could no longer reside at my home and he drove off in a huff, vowing never to see me again, (plus ruin me, murder me etc etc). Within 2 weeks he was on the phone contacting me, and announcing he would seek help etc, and wanted to continue our relationship long distance, which meant me travelling up to stay with him at his elderly parents home, 40 minutes drive away.
I was expected up there at least 3-4 nights per week, despite him not working, (also freeloading off his parents) and me working full time, and 7 days per week mostly. Initially he got on OK with his elderly parents, but as time passed, he transferred his violent antics onto them, which resulted in several calls to the Police by the parents, and temporary restraining orders on BP, (72 hour orders). It didn't help that the Mother often informed me that her husband, (BP's Father) was very similar to son BP in temperament and behaviour, she said living with 2 of them was hell on earth. However I suspected that with the Father being elderly, he had mellowed somewhat at least.
After 1 year, BP's parents decided to sell up their home and buy a smaller dwelling more suitable to their age and circumstances.
They warned BP son (for 6 months prior to their move) that he was not welcome to move with them, and that he was to make other arrangements, (storage of his unfinished project car/other belongings and somewhere to live etc). As far as we knew, BP had not made any effort to change accommodations, and told everyone he lived in his car and was homeless. The only thing is, that he had been using that story for a long time, but the real truth was that he had been using his parents home as a base for at least 13 years off and on, during his many geographical escapes backwards and forwards across the country.
In June of 2013, (prior to his parents moving out of their old home) BP assaulted me, smashed any property I had on me, and damaged my vehicle again in the early hours of one morning, whereby I awoke to his abuse and made haste to leave after calling him out on his abuse. About a week after his assault on me, he dumped me when I refused to come back and see him without him promising me I would be safe and he would follow through with his confessions that he needed help. I got the Silent Treatment for 4 months, although he was doing frequent hang up calls, still stalking me, and sent me some lame newspaper clipping in the post. I made attempts to contact him to thank him, (foolish I know) and he ignored me anyway, so I returned to my No Contact and moved on through the worst months of the grief and on with my life. Just as I was starting to really heal, BP popped back into my life again, startling me via phone, when I was right in the middle of something and couldn't hear the voice on the other end at first.
Over the following days of his new contact, I got fed a whole lot of lies but he knew just what to say to reel me back in again, and I allowed him to return to my home, this caused problems with my immediate family, (daughter and son in law who boarded with me and didn't want BP back in the house). They came round a little when I explained what BP had told me, (later turned out to be all lies), that he was employed and waiting to get a start date call, plus he would of course seek help for his 'emotional problems' etc.
Within 2 weeks BP was back to his usual nasty behaviour, blaming me for all his problems, disappearing overnight frequently, (and all day), not answering his phone at any time in the evenings, (either playing mind games or he was actually cheating the whole time but I couldn't easily prove it).
By March 2014, BP had regularly been back to stalking me and harassing me both at home and too often at my work place, abusing me, keeping me awake, threatening me, stealing from me, breaking my property and that of others who resided there, stealing their mail, (and likely mine). His last effort was to threaten me and a member of the public, by attempting to run us over, and then smashing his car windscreen out whilst screaming threats and abuse at me at work one evening, (humiliating of course as usual).
This was the defining moment for me, although in terms of abuse from him, I had copped way worse, I guess it was the last straw that broke my back and allowed me to break up with him for good.I called the Police for some assistance after his violent attack, but they did nothing as is pretty much routine in this country when it comes to Domestic Violence. After I went NC, I received many calls from BP over several days, none of which I answered. I kept a low profile, and even altered my work routine, should BP have been lurking around in the evenings.
After a few days, his calls stopped and I didn't have any further contact until May, whereby he screamed abuse at me on the phone and hung up. I didn't respond and stayed NC.
By June he was calling me again out of the blue, this time using a lie that he had been the victim of a near death crime attack, (later as I listened, it was of course a lie too, and he was the instigator at any rate!) I stayed NC after his calls that day.
In August I was driving in a nearby suburb and ended up (unbeknown until he tooted) beside him at traffic lights, there was a mixture of fear and sadness that he might follow me home, (I had moved house too). He didn't follow me, but 2 weeks later, he rang and surprised me yet again, (always changing his mobile numbers every few months). This time he was more kind, apologetic, nostalgic, etc, and wanted me to keep calling him over several days, and message him Goodnight like I did when we were together, yet he didn't want to meet up in person at any point, (felt strange to me). After listening to him over several days I realised how depressed I was becoming again, and merely stopped calling him.
He didn't call me back either and we haven't spoken since. However, in the meantime, his Sister In-law has been frequenting my workplace, (a shopping centre) more than usual, always asking if I had heard from BP ex? She would always inform me nastily, that he was still the same, freeloading, unemployed 6 years now, still not showing signs of ever working again, as mentally ill and dangerous as ever, whilst calling himself homeless. I wish I didn't have to see her all the time, and did try to avoid her, but it wasn't any use and it was too difficult when I had to be there anyway.
A few days prior to Christmas, Sister In-law showed up and made a point of targeting me, (had to wonder why), I wasn't easily able to escape so had to hear the news she forced on me. She told me that BP was now working, on a Farm stay, (she almost gave away the location too). Then she told me he had 'met his match', to which I replied 'Pardon'. She explained that 'BP was now dating a female Psychiatrist and that she was 'keeping him in line' and how BP had just wanted to 'get away from everything and everyone'. Arghhhhhhhhhhhhh its Groundhog Day!
Then she wished me and my 'family' a Merry Xmas, New year, and left, (it seemed smugly at that which seemed odd since she had never been one to sing BP's praises having known how dishonest/dangerous/unstable he was). hat unwanted meeting with BP's family member (yet again unfortunately) left me reversed in my whole healing process, all the calls BP had made, plus his Sister In-laws visits left me stunted or reversing, any time I began to make healing progress and move on.
Imagine my horror and anger, when by chance I find out yesterday that BP's whole story, (about having this job and this new woman) is all a lie! I am so angry I could punch something, (yea my big boxing bag hanging up in the patio,
).
I just cannot believe that he is still trying to hurt me in some way as punishment perhaps?
I mean I have not made any effort to ever contact him out of the blue, I haven't driven around looking for him, haven't stalked his Facebook or email accounts, haven't looked on dating sites etc. Yea occasionally I have done a name search to see if he is still on Facebook, but that is all, I haven't anonymously looked at his page, because I don't want to hurt any more than I already am. It seemed pointless to do so, when just getting out of bed and going to work some days was a huge effort.
Let alone being motivated at home consistently. When I had told my own family about BPex apparently having a job and a new girlfriend Psychiatrist no less, they all laughed and were pretty sure it was an elaborate lie he had cooked up, with the sole intention of hurting me.
Any thoughts on this?Anyone?
