Hi Flower1;
So after contact back I found myself with somewhat unusual exchanges. I thought that we should not talk about negative things that happened in the past, but I have the impression that he has returned to resentment, especially when talking about the pleasant or joyful moments that I mentioned.
Are these text conversations, or phone, or in person, or...?
I was wondering should I ask him if he is angry with me?
What would be your goal (maybe the "best case scenario"), if you asked him if he is angry with you?
What do you think is most likely to happen?
Are those the same or different?
What do the emoticons he writes or the fact that he omits certain nick names mean?
I've mentioned recently how I can tend to overanalyze actions and interactions, hoping for a crumb of a clue to "figure out what it means". So, I get asking that question.
If BPD (or any PD) is involved, then while his actions may mean something to him -- he may have done them for some reason -- it is possible that we will never know the meaning or purpose of those choices, and that the meaning or purpose would not make much sense to us.
If BPD is involved, then we can know that he may struggle with harmfully intense, wildly varying emotions, that he has few skills to manage. His life's focus may be on managing his excruciating feelings in every moment by saying or doing whatever seems like it will bring him relief.
Why those things would bring him relief may not make sense, but that's the closest I can speculate -- he might be doing and saying things that are almost completely focused on his own inner emotions.
Is it a good thing that I wished him in the face of a certain activity, determination in the more difficult part and happiness in the easier part? THANKS
Can you tell me more about this interaction? Maybe write it out as a dialogue:
Him: blah blah blah
You: I hope you can stick it out through the difficult parts, and that the easier stuff will bring you happiness
Him: blah blah blah
That can help us understand more about whether your well-wishes were effective/constructive in the way you'd hoped.
Communicating with a pwBPD is often unintuitive, so sometimes our best efforts at being supportive can be
inadvertently invalidating. Not an easy skill to learn, but very worth it