The place for brutal honesty is with yourself.
I agree with this concept, but the difficulty for some of us when we first get here (myself included) is balancing being ‘brutally honest with yourself’ against being just plain brutal to oneself. My internal voice for years has tended towards the latter, but slowly learning the ‘art’ of brutal internal honesty has begun to be rewarding; combining this with how to distinguish feelings from truths has been doubly so. I couldn’t have really begun to move forward without learning these important distinctions.
Intellectually, from a fact point of view I understand. Failure of an exam is a failure.
Only having hugged your gf 10 times when she wanted 20 is that failure?
Mine had that problem with me for the past year, and flat out called me a "failure" in that department. I have to learn to not listen to disordered people who see the world through a twisted lens. She also called herself a "woman of character" in the same email. Funny, but her cheating, lying, financial and emotional abuse belies her view of herself. My mother, for instance, is a smart woman in many ways. I do not, however, listen to her regarding financial advice since she has rarely if ever demonstrated competence in that department. While it may be a bit of the logical fallacy of attacking the messenger, I listen to people who demonstrate by their actions that they know what they are talking about.
