Conclusion

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Wow. Life really stinks when it kind of dawns on you that you werent really loved by her. Kind of shatters your ego a bit. Reflecting back on it, thats not how a relationship works. Its a partnership of love and respect, of inclusion. I thought I had it, believed I had it, wanted to have it, but I didnt. I had some sort of weird mixture of stuff I cant figure out. Now I see it for what it was. An emotional band aid for her and as she healed, the less the band aid was  needed. Guess thats why they put different sizes in the box. Its based on the size of the wound. Eventually you dont need it anymore. Many names for it. Emotional vampire, Emotional Tampon, choose your name, the script is the same.

Normal activity in a relationship that doesnt work entails sympathy and empathy as to the who, what, when of the relationship and the reason it didnt work. In BPD land, it doesnt exist. Your bad. Its your fault. No emotion given to the non partner, who is shattered and either driven away or discarded. Your left to fend for yourself as they wont help you find what your so desperate for, closure. That is what we chase. That is what damages us. Your left at the pier as you watch your ship of dreams sail away, usually with someone else at the helm.

I was dumped via text. Cold, faceless and tactless. Much like their personality. Much like their personality that continues when I broke NC to wish her well. I understand this now. There is no life with them, even if you are married to them the rest of your life, there is no life. Its a puppet show of emotions, a fractured fairytale, one of grief and broken ideas, broken dreams and broken love. And constant demands I struggled to fulfill, failing and ultimately failing her needs. I was fortunate. I was used, broken and discarded. I will not be in that position again. Ever. There is no coming back. No redemption. No more emotional, verbal or mental abuse for me. Im left to put myself back together and carry on. She lost out on a man who was willing to take on her, her pitfalls and her 5 children, but I didnt treat her special enough.

Being in a relationship that fed her superficial needs was more important to her than stability, caring and understanding. Of course, totally one sided. No partnership. Frustrated Incorporated (great song BTW). Thats why we are shattered and discarded. Give until you have nothing left. And I have nothing left. I loved her. My conscious is clear.

[Deeno02]

Wow. Life really stinks when it kind of dawns on you that you werent really loved by her. Kind of shatters your ego a bit. Reflecting back on it, thats not how a relationship works. Its a partnership of love and respect, of inclusion. I thought I had it, believed I had it, wanted to have it, but I didnt. I had some sort of weird mixture of stuff I cant figure out. Now I see it for what it was. An emotional band aid for her and as she healed, the less the band aid was  needed. Guess thats why they put different sizes in the box. Its based on the size of the wound. Eventually you dont need it anymore. Many names for it. Emotional vampire, Emotional Tampon, choose your name, the script is the same.

Normal activity in a relationship that doesnt work entails sympathy and empathy as to the who, what, when of the relationship and the reason it didnt work. In BPD land, it doesnt exist. Your bad. Its your fault. No emotion given to the non partner, who is shattered and either driven away or discarded. Your left to fend for yourself as they wont help you find what your so desperate for, closure. That is what we chase. That is what damages us. Your left at the pier as you watch your ship of dreams sail away, usually with someone else at the helm.

I was dumped via text. Cold, faceless and tactless. Much like their personality. Much like their personality that continues when I broke NC to wish her well. I understand this now. There is no life with them, even if you are married to them the rest of your life, there is no life. Its a puppet show of emotions, a fractured fairytale, one of grief and broken ideas, broken dreams and broken love. And constant demands I struggled to fulfill, failing and ultimately failing her needs. I was fortunate. I was used, broken and discarded. I will not be in that position again. Ever. There is no coming back. No redemption. No more emotional, verbal or mental abuse for me. Im left to put myself back together and carry on. She lost out on a man who was willing to take on her, her pitfalls and her 5 children, but I didnt treat her special enough.

Being in a relationship that fed her superficial needs was more important to her than stability, caring and understanding. Of course, totally one sided. No partnership. Frustrated Incorporated (great song BTW). Thats why we are shattered and discarded. Give until you have nothing left. And I have nothing left. I loved her. My conscious is clear.

[dobie]

Amen bro with my waif x no matter what I did no matter how much I tried the cup was always "half full" ... .

Its hard to fix things when your partner blames you or us but never them for any faults / stresses in the r/s . It truly is like loving a spoilt infant .

[Pingo]

It really was a 'fractured fairytale' Deeno, very well put.  You could have never given her 'enough', no one can.  She will never feel 'whole', always in need, never satiated. 

The good news?  You are seeing it without rose-coloured glasses, you are in reality and it can only get better from here!

[AwakenedOne]

Your left at the pier as you watch your ship of dreams sail away, usually with someone else at the helm.

The name of her ship is the Titanic.

You are going to find a better "ship" and will cruise onward to the Caribbean.

[Caredverymuch]

It really was a 'fractured fairytale' Deeno, very well put.  You could have never given her 'enough', no one can.  She will never feel 'whole', always in need, never satiated. 

The good news?  You are seeing it without rose-coloured glasses, you are in reality and it can only get better from here!

I read your post Deeno with a bit of heartache.  I want to second Pingo's sentiments.  :)o you realize that there is never "enough" in this type of r/s?  As my T told me, the pBPD ups the ante every time. Moves the goal posts. Every time.  

You loved this woman and her children.  You are a very admirable man. I think many of our fellow members here have glimmered from your posts that you value children and family.  Very sad that your ex is incapable of the cherished value of that gift you offered her.  The disorder robs so much that is genuine.

It really does get better.  Not better in the way that we will EVER really understand this horrific experience we endured. But better with detachment and the ability to turn the ship toward only you.  Looking inside. And after you spend a while in that place you will find not only inner peace but you will find that the next person you allow in  your life will be much healthier as well. And that person will love you. The right way. And you will look back on this experience and feel grateful you were spared. For Pingo is right.  You will change for the better if you do your work.  She will not.

Let go of that which is not good for you. Now, take care of you

[myself]

Give until you have nothing left. And I have nothing left.

You gave, and loved, but it was a dead end street with her.

Be proud of how far you've come and where you're going.

You've already put on the brakes and turned yourself around.

That dead end's in your rear view mirror getting smaller and smaller.

With everything left. It's still in you. It's who you are.

[Deeno02]

Thank you all. I wrote that with clarity, finally. I know I wasn't perfect and I know I have a ways to go. But I'm seeing it for what is was. A band aid. Mostly for her, but for me as well. That's my focus. Me and not becoming someone's first aid kit.

[Pingo]

Your left at the pier as you watch your ship of dreams sail away, usually with someone else at the helm.

The name of her ship is the Titanic.

You are going to find a better "ship" and will cruise onward to the Caribbean.

Yes!

Thank you all. I wrote that with clarity, finally. I know I wasn't perfect and I know I have a ways to go. But I'm seeing it for what is was. A band aid. Mostly for her, but for me as well. That's my focus. Me and not becoming someone's first aid kit.

You've come a long way in the short time you've been here Deeno, you are inspiring me!

[downwhim]

Deeno,

"Normal activity in a relationship that doesnt work entails sympathy and empathy as to the who, what, when of the relationship and the reason it didnt work. In BPD land, it doesnt exist. Your bad. Its your fault."

You seem like a loving and compassionate man. To take her on and her 5 children is very admirable. She is not capable of sympathy or empathy because of her illness. She can only blame you and you deserve better!

Thank you for your heart filled post.