First Real BPD, HPD, NPD Relationship Experience

[Depression = 72% of members]

So I finally had my first full blown BPD among other things (likely NPD, Histrionic etc.). I notice that I’ve had similar relationships in the past; but nothing compared to this, she was full blown and I didn’t even realize it until I had kicked her out, pulled a family intervention, she went to therapy after a drug, sex and alcohol meltdown and I began to research it the second she told me she’d been diagnosed and her therapist told her to look it up.

This has put me on a psychological research quest to understand my own problems and hers. All the questions a recovering BPD relationship suffer has. I realize now that I have severe PTSD but know that I can get through the FOG. I now understand I’m a ‘rescuer’ and that I didn’t properly qualify this woman.

Difficult and eye opening, to say the least -  I’m searching for free counseling or other type of victims/recovery counseling, but just lurking on these boards has helped alot. I didn’t realize how rampant this particular societal/parental issue was, how susceptible I was to their ‘charm’ and had absolutely no clue how much damage these people can do.

My feelings of compassion for these types of individuals sometimes overcomes my own sense of importance to self which means, I too, obviously have my own issues. I just feel bad because it’s not actually their fault and they blame themselves. When I met my BPD ex-fiance, she and I were on top of the world and she’s stripped nearly both of us of everything - Picking up the pieces is difficult, although a life changing experience.

Even though my BPD ex doesn’t show remorse for any of her major transgressions; I know that they’re really tearing her up inside and I try my hardest not make her feel any worse about herself. The abuse just got to be too much to handle and she blamed everything to everyone on me.

I’m about a month out and still trying to go NC. She wouldn’t let me break up with her, it took almost six months. And she’s still trying to come back and use me as her emotional punching bag even though she’s going to therapy and what not. At this point, I’m just trying to find a community or some type of free recovery counseling in my area. Stay busy and avoid her.

It’s nice to find a forum where abused Men can come and many Women even contribute too. Best Information I’ve found yet.

Thanks Again!

Kindest Regards,

Milan

[Milan]

So I finally had my first full blown BPD among other things (likely NPD, Histrionic etc.). I notice that I’ve had similar relationships in the past; but nothing compared to this, she was full blown and I didn’t even realize it until I had kicked her out, pulled a family intervention, she went to therapy after a drug, sex and alcohol meltdown and I began to research it the second she told me she’d been diagnosed and her therapist told her to look it up.

This has put me on a psychological research quest to understand my own problems and hers. All the questions a recovering BPD relationship suffer has. I realize now that I have severe PTSD but know that I can get through the FOG. I now understand I’m a ‘rescuer’ and that I didn’t properly qualify this woman.

Difficult and eye opening, to say the least -  I’m searching for free counseling or other type of victims/recovery counseling, but just lurking on these boards has helped alot. I didn’t realize how rampant this particular societal/parental issue was, how susceptible I was to their ‘charm’ and had absolutely no clue how much damage these people can do.

My feelings of compassion for these types of individuals sometimes overcomes my own sense of importance to self which means, I too, obviously have my own issues. I just feel bad because it’s not actually their fault and they blame themselves. When I met my BPD ex-fiance, she and I were on top of the world and she’s stripped nearly both of us of everything - Picking up the pieces is difficult, although a life changing experience.

Even though my BPD ex doesn’t show remorse for any of her major transgressions; I know that they’re really tearing her up inside and I try my hardest not make her feel any worse about herself. The abuse just got to be too much to handle and she blamed everything to everyone on me.

I’m about a month out and still trying to go NC. She wouldn’t let me break up with her, it took almost six months. And she’s still trying to come back and use me as her emotional punching bag even though she’s going to therapy and what not. At this point, I’m just trying to find a community or some type of free recovery counseling in my area. Stay busy and avoid her.

It’s nice to find a forum where abused Men can come and many Women even contribute too. Best Information I’ve found yet.

Thanks Again!

Kindest Regards,

Milan

[heartandwhole]

Hi Milan,

It sounds like you've been through some really hard times, and I'm glad you found these boards.  So many of us can relate what you wrote.  I know I was in the FOG for quite awhile and was trying to rescue my pwBPD, too.  It didn't work, no matter how much I loved him.  :'(

I think it's great that you are looking for a therapist.  Therapy, along with this site, helped me a lot to understand what I was dealing with.

I'm sorry that your relationship was so damaging. How are you taking care of yourself these days?  Do you have supportive friends and family?

Keep posting, we are here for you! 

[Mr gaga]

Hello I had a Bpdex fiance as well and she did a number on my heart and mind. I'm glad you found the strengths to get away from her before she started the devaluing process. Recovering from that is very hard

[Milan]

Hello I had a Bpdex fiance as well and she did a number on my heart and mind. I'm glad you found the strengths to get away from her before she started thevaluing process. Recovering from that is very hard

Im Pretty sure thats why it was difficult after the breakup even though I initiated it and tge separation. Shed been rubber banding back and forth from devalue to idealize. The physical and emotional abuse was troubling as she became a severe alcoholic. The rage was insane and then act like nothing happened and blame everything on me while simultaneously compulsively lying to everyone about even little things.

I literally didnt know what else to do but breakup and after a while I had to kick her out evwn though I didnt want to. When she started going on drug and alcohol binges after that I told her brother who in turn pulled an intervention, now shes been diagnosed, is in therapy and going to AA.

Im staying busy and realizing I cant help this person and focusing on myself. She did everything, threaten suicide, false pregnancy, beg, plead, even went so far as to say shed make sure I never saw my daughter again. Then act like nothig happened and she loves me . Certainly one of the weirder experiences in my life so far. Shes currently still in the devalue stage avoiding me, which works for me. But I know shell be finding a way to try to  talk or see me all too soon.

I appreciate everyones support.

M

[Milan]

Hi Milan,

It sounds like you've been through some really hard times, and I'm glad you found these boards.  So many of us can relate what you wrote.  I know I was in the FOG for quite awhile and was trying to rescue my pwBPD, too.  It didn't work, no matter how much I loved him.  :'(

I think it's great that you are looking for a therapist.  Therapy, along with this site, helped me a lot to understand what I was dealing with.

I'm sorry that your relationship was so damaging. How are you taking care of yourself these days?  Do you have supportive friends and family?

Keep posting, we are here for you! 

Thanks for the kind words. I more just really feel bad for her shes got a difficult road ahead. Im already heading out of the fog and focusing on myself friends and family. I did everything I could to help her and advised that Ill always be there if she needs anything but have to move on.

Thing is she scares me. My other female friends are afraid of her too.  She called me twice a day for weeks after we split threatening she was going to kill who ever I was with. The kying is what really makes me nervous. These people will do anything exact revenge or seek retribution.

I really dont even want her finding outwhen I am with someone else.