Hi gain! I am so glad the surgery went well. I have been wondering how you were doing but did not want to press. How are you feeling now? About your son, that is really good news that he is coming around and has support from his GF and her mother in addition to you and his dad. It is a bit easier to say things more directly when it is not a relative saying them but it is really great that she is backing you up and keeping you informed.
It is unfortunate about the rest of the family members cutting you both off. That is often a hard thing to deal with. When I left my mothers house, I was split black and my brother and father got cold, but stayed in contact and reported back and tried to pressure me. I dealt with it by enforcing boundaries, speaking up and saying no and, perhaps most importantly for me emotionally, was reminding myself that not too long before I would have done the very same thing when I was still in the FOG. It was still hard though when they are caught up in the game and play into themselves.
My husband is in a much better place now. Although it has been hard for me to sit back and just let this be for the most part, not defending myself etc., what has happened is that his mother's own actions have confirmed themselves the clear existence of the BPD traits.
Good. They will generally show themselves and others will see it more quickly if we just keep out of it while enforcing our own boundaries. Good job!
Something to think about: generally we recommend writing letters but not sending them especially if there is an expectation of being heard. That is probably not going to happen and expecting that can sometimes cause more injury. I am not trying to be a Debbie Downer here though. I firmly believe in doing what is best for you so if saying something or writing it will be good for you and empowering, then I say go for it.
The most encouraging thing to me is watching him grow in self-confidence and trusting his ability to make decisions... .good decisions. Watching him see clearly that he and I can break this unhealthy cycle and pave the way to a healthier, happier future for ourselves and our family... .One step at a time.
This gives me all sorts of happiness for the two of you. Keep working it.
Thanks so much for the update. I hope you continue to keep us in the picture as you learn more and more. It is very encouraging too for others to read about your success. thank you.