Ex-Partner Threatened to Kill Themselves and Legal Action

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I've been in a relationship with someone for the last year and it has progressively worsened. We broke up last week, but I'm finding it hard to understand how someone can behave this way and think such false accusations of me. My therapist and closest loved ones believe they have undiagnosed BPD. Wondering if others have experienced similar situations...

They have a history of depression and went missing a few years back, but they were found days later. They have been in two relationships that did not last long, so I am the longest relationship they've been in.

Last year, they accused me of sexually assaulting them and have continued to think this including accusing me of physically, emotionally, and financially abusing them. They said they were reporting me to the police at that time, but begged the DA to "drop the case".

2 weeks ago they said they wanted to "reopen" the case and asked if I would still talk to them if they did move forward and I said no. They threw a container of food and left my home. Shortly after, their friend calls me to say that if anything happens to them that it will be my fault because they are threatening to kill themselves.

Last weekend, I called because I was concerned and they sounded incoherent and medicated. They mentioned they didn't eat for days, took pills, and blocked their door with a chair. Said their parents had to bust the door open and fed them because they were unable to. I told them I'd call 911 but they told me their parents were going to. Long story short, I rushed to the hospital because they started to drive themselves while medicated. They told me not to tell the nurses they took pills, but I told them anyway. They looked enraged and told the nurse they've been in an abusive relationship with me. The nurses asked me to go to the waiting room, hours later my ex-partner had a pamphlet of DV resources/how to file a police report. None of their family checked up on them and they clearly needed to be taken care of, so I took them to my home to make sure they were okay.

Two days later, I planned to take them home because they seemed to have detoxed from their medication. They started to blame me for their depression, their suicidal ideation and said the only thing that will help them ease the pain is if I kill them or they kill themselves. They got angry and wanted me to admit I was the reason for their mental health and declining physical health throughout our relationship (they frequently go to the hospital). That everyone in their life can see how bad I am for them and they will never approve of me in their life with how bad they're spiraling. I agreed because I didn't know what else to do/say and they threw a glass cup which shattered and slapped my wrist. Said they'd file a restraining order against me and if they die the police will come after me. They proceeded to call their mom to tell them they feel unsafe with me and their mom yelled at me that I messed with the wrong family and they'd pick them up. Their best friend calls me hours later, but I never picked up.

I blocked them and haven't heard from them in days. I typically am the one to reach out, to make things better and to work things out between us. Now I feel at a complete loss, confusion, and shame. I'm at a pt where my livelihood/life is at risk and blocking them was the only thing that made me feel like this would stop. I'm struggling with their threats of killing themselves because of me/the relationship when I truly just wanted them to be happy/feel supported by me.

If any of this resonates with you, please let me know and how you were able to get through this...

[Kitty2011]

I've been in a relationship with someone for the last year and it has progressively worsened. We broke up last week, but I'm finding it hard to understand how someone can behave this way and think such false accusations of me. My therapist and closest loved ones believe they have undiagnosed BPD. Wondering if others have experienced similar situations...

They have a history of depression and went missing a few years back, but they were found days later. They have been in two relationships that did not last long, so I am the longest relationship they've been in.

Last year, they accused me of sexually assaulting them and have continued to think this including accusing me of physically, emotionally, and financially abusing them. They said they were reporting me to the police at that time, but begged the DA to "drop the case".

2 weeks ago they said they wanted to "reopen" the case and asked if I would still talk to them if they did move forward and I said no. They threw a container of food and left my home. Shortly after, their friend calls me to say that if anything happens to them that it will be my fault because they are threatening to kill themselves.

Last weekend, I called because I was concerned and they sounded incoherent and medicated. They mentioned they didn't eat for days, took pills, and blocked their door with a chair. Said their parents had to bust the door open and fed them because they were unable to. I told them I'd call 911 but they told me their parents were going to. Long story short, I rushed to the hospital because they started to drive themselves while medicated. They told me not to tell the nurses they took pills, but I told them anyway. They looked enraged and told the nurse they've been in an abusive relationship with me. The nurses asked me to go to the waiting room, hours later my ex-partner had a pamphlet of DV resources/how to file a police report. None of their family checked up on them and they clearly needed to be taken care of, so I took them to my home to make sure they were okay.

Two days later, I planned to take them home because they seemed to have detoxed from their medication. They started to blame me for their depression, their suicidal ideation and said the only thing that will help them ease the pain is if I kill them or they kill themselves. They got angry and wanted me to admit I was the reason for their mental health and declining physical health throughout our relationship (they frequently go to the hospital). That everyone in their life can see how bad I am for them and they will never approve of me in their life with how bad they're spiraling. I agreed because I didn't know what else to do/say and they threw a glass cup which shattered and slapped my wrist. Said they'd file a restraining order against me and if they die the police will come after me. They proceeded to call their mom to tell them they feel unsafe with me and their mom yelled at me that I messed with the wrong family and they'd pick them up. Their best friend calls me hours later, but I never picked up.

I blocked them and haven't heard from them in days. I typically am the one to reach out, to make things better and to work things out between us. Now I feel at a complete loss, confusion, and shame. I'm at a pt where my livelihood/life is at risk and blocking them was the only thing that made me feel like this would stop. I'm struggling with their threats of killing themselves because of me/the relationship when I truly just wanted them to be happy/feel supported by me.

If any of this resonates with you, please let me know and how you were able to get through this...

[yellowbutterfly]

Oh wow, so much of this resonates with me. I'm 1 year out of a situation with uBPDxH - I'll write more but I wanted to quickly respond and say you are not alone and have found the right place with people who understand what you are going through.

[yellowbutterfly]

One quick additional comment

you are not responsible for this person or their actions, or threatened actions. No matter what they say they are responsible for their feelings.

You are only responsible for yourself and you can only control yourself.

Do what you need to to protect yourself, blocking them is protecting yourself right now I also would suggest seeking out a DV support option. They were able to really help me understand what was going on. In addition to my therapist they have resources, depending on where you live that can assist you.

I know that some of the wise members on the board will see your post as well, and have support to give. Sadly, our stories are all very similar dealing with the pwBPD.