Ex fiancée's new victim- we have a S3

[Depression = 72% of members]

Me and my ex fiancé broke up in May last year, we have recycled, had sex numerous times with each other. The last time we had sex was early Dec and then she started hounding me wanting to know where I was at all times, 96 calls in one evening, then she cut up some of my things in retaliation. I live in London and she is temporarily living in Leeds, 200 miles away. She betrayed me, she lied to me, got pregnant on purpose after 4months of dating etc etc

She informed me last week she has a new boyfriend that she met on the internet that lives in London. She always promised me she wouldn't introduce our three year old to another man unless it was very serious. It turns out this guy has stayed in my house in Leeds which I own and she brought my son to London to see him along with my son last weekend. This really hurts as its betrayal, and I don't want my son anywhere near this man! She's told me "he's a decent man, he wanted to be in a relationship with me very early, he's good with our son, he really likes him, and he'll never dump me" this is what's lead me to call him the next victim and not a replacement

How long do these relationships usually last? Its hurting me because she doesn't deserve a new boyfriend after all the s*it she gave me over the last four years. She was pregnant 4 months after we started dating!

I've started seeing an old flame, the only girl I've ever really loved TBH, but for some reason this still really gets to me, why is this bothering me, how long will it last?

Advice would really help me right now guys.

[londonD]

Me and my ex fiancé broke up in May last year, we have recycled, had sex numerous times with each other. The last time we had sex was early Dec and then she started hounding me wanting to know where I was at all times, 96 calls in one evening, then she cut up some of my things in retaliation. I live in London and she is temporarily living in Leeds, 200 miles away. She betrayed me, she lied to me, got pregnant on purpose after 4months of dating etc etc

She informed me last week she has a new boyfriend that she met on the internet that lives in London. She always promised me she wouldn't introduce our three year old to another man unless it was very serious. It turns out this guy has stayed in my house in Leeds which I own and she brought my son to London to see him along with my son last weekend. This really hurts as its betrayal, and I don't want my son anywhere near this man! She's told me "he's a decent man, he wanted to be in a relationship with me very early, he's good with our son, he really likes him, and he'll never dump me" this is what's lead me to call him the next victim and not a replacement

How long do these relationships usually last? Its hurting me because she doesn't deserve a new boyfriend after all the s*it she gave me over the last four years. She was pregnant 4 months after we started dating!

I've started seeing an old flame, the only girl I've ever really loved TBH, but for some reason this still really gets to me, why is this bothering me, how long will it last?

Advice would really help me right now guys.

[Infared]

I guess that you know by now that the drama will never end with her.

Also... .don't be surprised if she ends up preggies again next week... .(what better way to control someone and have loads of drama). I actually watched a friend of mine go through that nightmare with someone.

The only people I have seen have any peace with these situations got a lawyer... .set up "ironclad" pick-up and drop-off for their child, (because the child and controlling you regarding it is nothing but a weapon of power and control for these very sick people). The absolute hell I used to watch her put him thru just to pick up his daughter was unbelievable. 700 texts. Changed times by her just to mess his days all up. Not showing. Showing late. Changing locations... .and guess who was suffering thru all that... .yes... .his little daughter.   I really would suggest that you set a firm boundary and get a lawyer to negotiate your "relationship" with her.  Hate to be so hardcore... .but what I watched and tried to help and be supportive was just soo... .soo... .painful... .and I was not even part of it.

There is no peace without absolute NC.  There can be no hope or expectation that the pwBPD will get better... .it usually just get worse.  All you can do is focus on you and your child as much as that is possible.  

I feel for your situation... .and I send you hope and faith!

[Turkish]

I'm sorry, londonD.

My Ex introduced our then 1 and 4 year old to her bf (aka "Homewrecker" right after she moved out of our home. To her it was ok because she had known him for many months during the affair. No matter how their r/s started, it was unhealthy to do, and it did cause problems later on. A year later, it's still causing some problems with the kids. She is so sure that she is doing the right thing, and yes, like your Ex, she fantasizes that she'll be with this new guy forever. Now they are recently engaged... .

What can you do to fix this? Sadly, nothing. What you can do is to be there for your child, and validate your son as needed. If you need help on validation, post to the Co-Parenting Board, and we can help.

As for how long the r/s will last, no one can say. My ex moved out a year ago... .yesterday, actually. It's still going strong that I can tell, and in a new phase since they got engaged last month. She's still the same person, though, that I can see, no matter what facade she presents about moving on to something newer (younger) and greater.

[londonD]

I'm sorry, londonD.

My Ex introduced our then 1 and 4 year old to her bf (aka "Homewrecker" right after she moved out of our home. To her it was ok because she had known him for many months during the affair. No matter how their r/s started, it was unhealthy to do, and it did cause problems later on. A year later, it's still causing some problems with the kids. She is so sure that she is doing the right thing, and yes, like your Ex, she fantasizes that she'll be with this new guy forever. Now they are recently engaged... .

What can you do to fix this? Sadly, nothing. What you can do is to be there for your child, and validate your son as needed. If you need help on validation, post to the Co-Parenting Board, and we can help.

As for how long the r/s will last, no one can say. My ex moved out a year ago... .yesterday, actually. It's still going strong that I can tell, and in a new phase since they got engaged last month. She's still the same person, though, that I can see, no matter what facade she presents about moving on to something newer (younger) and greater.

I'm finding it very difficult as this guy seems like he's not like me, I'm very confident, successful and in shape. He sounds like a bit of a wuss. I gave her a run for her money, I didn't take too much c*ap but I still got tortured. I think she now needs a victim she can control.

Maybe he will be right for her and will pander to her every need. That would hurt as then it'll seem like I was the problem!

Maybe my son will love him more than he loves me.

She adored me... .I know she will be telling this guy about how awful I am, a bully etc, like she told me about her ex

[Turkish]

Maybe my son will love him more than he loves me.

This is an understandable concern. You've been replaced as a romantic partner. Will we be replaced as fathers?

If he's such a wuss as you say, it's likely that your son probably won't bond with him as much. My replacement is a much younger guy, fun-loving, seemingly affable. Yet it's all about him and her, not so much the kids. They mention him, but hardly. Never underestimate the role of Father that you play. Unless you totally abandon your son, he will always see you as Dad, and no one will replace that bond.

[londonD]

Maybe my son will love him more than he loves me.

This is an understandable concern. You've been replaced as a romantic partner. Will we be replaced as fathers?

If he's such a wuss as you say, it's likely that your son probably won't bond with him as much. My replacement is a much younger guy, fun-loving, seemingly affable. Yet it's all about him and her, not so much the kids. They mention him, but hardly. Never underestimate the role of Father that you play. Unless you totally abandon your son, he will always see you as Dad, and no one will replace that bond.

She makes my life so difficult. My father had a Stoke on XMAS day, this coming weekend I booked tickets to Leeds to pick up my son, then tickets to Newcastle where my fathers in hospital, this has been planned for a week.

This evening she said "this doesn't work for me, I want to go to London to see my boyfriend, you don't arrive early enough so you can't take him to see your dad, see him another time, he's coming with me" What the heck!

I'm honestly going to have a breakdown!

[Infared]

Maybe my son will love him more than he loves me.

This is an understandable concern. You've been replaced as a romantic partner. Will we be replaced as fathers?

If he's such a wuss as you say, it's likely that your son probably won't bond with him as much. My replacement is a much younger guy, fun-loving, seemingly affable. Yet it's all about him and her, not so much the kids. They mention him, but hardly. Never underestimate the role of Father that you play. Unless you totally abandon your son, he will always see you as Dad, and no one will replace that bond.

She makes my life so difficult. My father had a Stoke on XMAS day, this coming weekend I booked tickets to Leeds to pick up my son, then tickets to Newcastle where my fathers in hospital, this has been planned for a week.

This evening she said "this doesn't work for me, I want to go to London to see my boyfriend, you don't arrive early enough so you can't take him to see your dad, see him another time, he's coming with me" What the heck!

I'm honestly going to have a breakdown!

They are heartless, selfish and downright cruel. I feel your pain.  

[londonD]

Maybe my son will love him more than he loves me.

This is an understandable concern. You've been replaced as a romantic partner. Will we be replaced as fathers?

If he's such a wuss as you say, it's likely that your son probably won't bond with him as much. My replacement is a much younger guy, fun-loving, seemingly affable. Yet it's all about him and her, not so much the kids. They mention him, but hardly. Never underestimate the role of Father that you play. Unless you totally abandon your son, he will always see you as Dad, and no one will replace that bond.

She makes my life so difficult. My father had a Stoke on XMAS day, this coming weekend I booked tickets to Leeds to pick up my son, then tickets to Newcastle where my fathers in hospital, this has been planned for a week.

This evening she said "this doesn't work for me, I want to go to London to see my boyfriend, you don't arrive early enough so you can't take him to see your dad, see him another time, he's coming with me" What the heck!

I'm honestly going to have a breakdown!

They are heartless, selfish and downright cruel. I feel your pain.  

Today she has changed her mind again, she has now said I need to come and get him. I was going to stay on the sofa and head off the following morning with my son.

She made up a story/ excuse why I couldn't stay on the sofa. She then admits its because her boyfriend is coming to Leeds to stay so I'm not welcome in my own house in order to take my son to see his sick grandfather.

I have no one else to stay with.