I am sorry for the strife you are experiencing with your mother. I must admit I am envious your mother asked to be transfered to assisted living. That is my dream. Be thankful
As to advice for your situation, there is little you can do in all likelihood. She is making you responsible for her feelings. Anything you try wont be enough in quantity, or wont be good enough. What she wants is probably to live with you and be taken care of, which isn’t possible and would destroy your life. Its even possible that the harder you try to support her now, the worse she becomes. They tend to get into our heads with the crazymaking. This is my experience. The best advice I can give is to figure out how to regulate yourself when she sends all those disturbing messages. I’m guessing they come rapidfire? Radically accept that the crazymaking will never end, and instead focus on your own distress tolerance. This is where I am at with my mother who refuses to even consider assisted living even though she qualified 2 years ago and is now a train wreck with a broken arm inside her own home ( and unable to use her walker).The disease is insideous. I am so happy for you that she’s in assisted living.