Just confused and left baffled

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hello, my first post, but I want to say I'm so happy to find a support group that may offer some answers for unresolved questions. I was engaged to one of the most beautiful and intelligent female I've think I've ever met. She is a nursing supervisor, very charming and completely swept me off my feet. Like many other post I read here the honeymoon phase was great and lasted just about a year. She agrees with almost everything I wanted to do and like everything I did. I sometimes felt like she treated me to great and I don't know how many times I told her I'm no more special then her and she has opinions too.  I told her not to be afraid and speak up if I offended her (boy , she took me up on that later in the relationship and never hesitated to say "this is what you wanted".  I want to keep the post as short as I can but like many there is so much to cover. After a out a year jealously took over. I did know a lot of girls and they might come up to say hi. There wasn't any flirting other maybe than a smile and a hello. But she viewed that as flirting and wanting to sleep with them.  Now that would be about the only time she'd act out in public. She might make a rude remark to them as they were walking away or make a small scene. 

      Moving forward, I got engaged and was shell shocked when I went to pick up the ring she wanted. I walked into the jewelry store and found out she picked out a 10000.00 ring. She had told me prior to this her ex (10years prior to this) didn't listen to her and got a cheap yellow good ring that she didn't even like.  I didn't want to disappoint but I couldn't afford that on my salary. So I purchased the exact same style ring but a little smaller. Still 6000.00, I loved her she deserved it. Well I could see some disappointment when she got it bathe reason I tell this story, is six months later she accuses me if never doing anything for her or loving her the way I should. I pointed out I was committed to her and told her to look at the ring. Her response was "I wanted the 10,000.00 ring, if I knew you were going to buy the small one, I'd of ask for something different."  I was devastated. She always says I like to hurt people with my words. Well she didn't mind hurting with fist later on. The madness went on with the same stories we all read on these post. She was separating from her husband when we met (least that's what she said) and had got a  disillusion with month of meeting with her however, during her arguments, she would always blame me that it was my fault that I took her away from her husbands and family. She started lying behind my back and meeting up with him or going to the girls basketball and volleyball games with him without my knowledge. After confronting her the information that I received from other people, she eventually made it to having a emotional affair. And for the most part, the only reason she was meeting up with him was because she had found that he had recently been engaged. She moved out of the house based on my recommendation after finding all this out and got her own apartment. And then lead me on for 10 months tell me she needed space she wanted to be with me and didn't want me to see anybody else. But within that time I know she's had several affairs would completely control anything that I did, and would yell and scream like a five-year-old if she all that I went out with any of my guy friends she would even do this in front of her till children and after asking her why she would do this, she would say that the children need to see that this isn't her fault that I don't love them. In October, she told me she did not want to see me anyone but she needed to move on. I told her that I couldn't wait forever, and that I was going to start to see other people. Prior to this I had never cheated on her, nor had I given her any reason to doubt me. However she constantly accuse me of cheating on her, talking to girls at my work, or just looking at somebody who walked by  So after that, I started to date online, and it somehow when she hacked into my email. She hacked into my dating profile, ran up charges in the account and locked me out of my own dating site.  No boundaries!  I want all this occurred, I realize that I wasn't ready today and there's just too much hurt. How are she had no problem moving on had a couple quick rebound relationships. Not recently I received an email from her stating that she's happy that she found joy and that she was happy, and that I needed to know something that may hurt me, but it was something that she had to tell me because I need to know that it was her fault to the relationship didn't work out. She then proceeded to type that she never truly loved me she needed love she let me love her but she didn't love me I guess the reason for the post is, I'm confused, from what I've read most BPD don't own up to anything after the relationship ends. I know she happy with someone else (for the time being) but what does anyone make of this?

[D Sheriff 17]

Hello, my first post, but I want to say I'm so happy to find a support group that may offer some answers for unresolved questions. I was engaged to one of the most beautiful and intelligent female I've think I've ever met. She is a nursing supervisor, very charming and completely swept me off my feet. Like many other post I read here the honeymoon phase was great and lasted just about a year. She agrees with almost everything I wanted to do and like everything I did. I sometimes felt like she treated me to great and I don't know how many times I told her I'm no more special then her and she has opinions too.  I told her not to be afraid and speak up if I offended her (boy , she took me up on that later in the relationship and never hesitated to say "this is what you wanted".  I want to keep the post as short as I can but like many there is so much to cover. After a out a year jealously took over. I did know a lot of girls and they might come up to say hi. There wasn't any flirting other maybe than a smile and a hello. But she viewed that as flirting and wanting to sleep with them.  Now that would be about the only time she'd act out in public. She might make a rude remark to them as they were walking away or make a small scene. 

      Moving forward, I got engaged and was shell shocked when I went to pick up the ring she wanted. I walked into the jewelry store and found out she picked out a 10000.00 ring. She had told me prior to this her ex (10years prior to this) didn't listen to her and got a cheap yellow good ring that she didn't even like.  I didn't want to disappoint but I couldn't afford that on my salary. So I purchased the exact same style ring but a little smaller. Still 6000.00, I loved her she deserved it. Well I could see some disappointment when she got it bathe reason I tell this story, is six months later she accuses me if never doing anything for her or loving her the way I should. I pointed out I was committed to her and told her to look at the ring. Her response was "I wanted the 10,000.00 ring, if I knew you were going to buy the small one, I'd of ask for something different."  I was devastated. She always says I like to hurt people with my words. Well she didn't mind hurting with fist later on. The madness went on with the same stories we all read on these post. She was separating from her husband when we met (least that's what she said) and had got a  disillusion with month of meeting with her however, during her arguments, she would always blame me that it was my fault that I took her away from her husbands and family. She started lying behind my back and meeting up with him or going to the girls basketball and volleyball games with him without my knowledge. After confronting her the information that I received from other people, she eventually made it to having a emotional affair. And for the most part, the only reason she was meeting up with him was because she had found that he had recently been engaged. She moved out of the house based on my recommendation after finding all this out and got her own apartment. And then lead me on for 10 months tell me she needed space she wanted to be with me and didn't want me to see anybody else. But within that time I know she's had several affairs would completely control anything that I did, and would yell and scream like a five-year-old if she all that I went out with any of my guy friends she would even do this in front of her till children and after asking her why she would do this, she would say that the children need to see that this isn't her fault that I don't love them. In October, she told me she did not want to see me anyone but she needed to move on. I told her that I couldn't wait forever, and that I was going to start to see other people. Prior to this I had never cheated on her, nor had I given her any reason to doubt me. However she constantly accuse me of cheating on her, talking to girls at my work, or just looking at somebody who walked by  So after that, I started to date online, and it somehow when she hacked into my email. She hacked into my dating profile, ran up charges in the account and locked me out of my own dating site.  No boundaries!  I want all this occurred, I realize that I wasn't ready today and there's just too much hurt. How are she had no problem moving on had a couple quick rebound relationships. Not recently I received an email from her stating that she's happy that she found joy and that she was happy, and that I needed to know something that may hurt me, but it was something that she had to tell me because I need to know that it was her fault to the relationship didn't work out. She then proceeded to type that she never truly loved me she needed love she let me love her but she didn't love me I guess the reason for the post is, I'm confused, from what I've read most BPD don't own up to anything after the relationship ends. I know she happy with someone else (for the time being) but what does anyone make of this?

[Deeno02]

 

Sorry your going through this. Its rough, not going to lie. Your going to find a whole bunch of similar stories to yours. Suggest you read all the lessons and post, post, post. Big help here on these forums, but we all share the same problem. We have been forever changed by a BPD relationship. We all share the same goal. To be healthy again.

To answer your question, BPD'ers dont except much responsibility for anything that transpires in their life. Its usually someone or something elses fault. As far as moving on? Its a attachment disorder, fear of abandonment rules the roost for them. In my case, I was replaced a week after being dumped. Now its like I dont exist to her and her 5 kids. You'll find that its pretty similar to most other folks on here. Sad but true. Your goal is to now take care of you. Please look over the lessons and text on here. Its been a bielp.

[CloseToFreedom]

No they don't take responsibility for anything. With my ex, each argument was my fault. She did bad during her internship and it was the fault of the place she was working. If someone didn't had time for her when she wanted to meet or speak, it was their fault. She never was accountable for anything. During some of our most fierce fights, at the end she would VERY sometimes say she was sorry. But it was more to gain comfort for me, instead of truly meaning it.