When Confronted To Tell The truth , Did your EX said : "I Never Lie "?

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

Just want to see if this is a common trait for a BPD ?

[guy4caligirl]

Just want to see if this is a common trait for a BPD ?

[Confused?]

Mine never said I never lie but she would just deny everything, flip it around on me, rage at me, then I would say I am sorry. Anyone saying that they never lie is a lie in itself. Everyone lies about something but it's usually a small white lie. Like telling your pregnant wife who is eating a chocolate covered pickle she looks beautiful. 

[butterfly15]

Mine would just use his "special powers"to diffuse the conversation at hand or simply not answer. I think we both were fully aware that's all he ever did was lie to me

[GreenEyedMonster]

Yes, my ex claimed to be an "honest person."  However, I have caught him in various lies and I guess what you'd call "diversions" from the truth.    He is also very legalistic and if he can find a "loophole" in what he said, he will use it.

He of course had a lot of double standards; that's par for the course.  I think, though, that most of what appeared to be lies were literally his very shaky sense of identity.  For example, he told me at the beginning of our relationship that he wasn't sure he wanted kids.  Then later, he'd say that he was sure he didn't.  Then later again, he'd say he wasn't sure.  At first I thought I was being gaslighted or manipulated somehow to stay in a relationship when he knew he didn't want kids, but the longer it went on, the more I came to realize that he just had no idea who he was and couldn't remember feeling the way he did the day before!

[Michelle27]

When confronted with evidence of a lie, my ex would create a massive circular argument that never focused on what my concern was, but rather what his concerns were.  He would tell me that my "turn" would come but funny enough, it never did.  It wasn't until we split up that I discovered the extent of his lies and because of that, I have never had the opportunity to confront him about it.  The biggest one, I discovered, was that for 15 years he told me he had been a pilot before he was "grounded" due to unexplained blood clots (and he was on blood thinners so it was somewhat believable).  He had stories of flight school, flights and flight attendants he knew.  Guess what?  Never was a pilot.  And his ex wife tells me she was told the same thing and that in their 3.5 year relationship, she believes that he didn't tell her the truth about anything.

[guy4caligirl]

My ex always that " never lies " replied religiously when confronted with evidence of a lie ,she reversed the question and say :

" What did I lie about" ?

[JSF13]

My ex would interogate me to the point I would not be able to keep track of what I said and would fumble my words. She would call me out on how my eyes moved. Granted I was not always honest. I would tell white lies about things like a friend who when we first met was them being interested in me but shutting them down and saying I was not available but say they never hit on me or anything. These people were also people from before my ex and I were together. It should have absolutely no bearing on us and was none of her business. I personally am not the jealous type. I cannot care if someone I am dating is friends with former lovers. Thats the past. We are in the present. My ex would tell me she is all about honesty and justice. She would go to any length to try to find holes or issues with my stories. She would screen shot convos to refer back to later to make her case (most of which she was 100% wrong about). She invaded every level of privacy. I was a walking anxiety attack because I was always under the microscope. Also when confronted about anything I would catch her in would twist it to not be a lie and was so good at manipulating it I would walk away brainwashed and feeling stupid.

[guy4caligirl]

It amazes  me how similar they all behave ... .

How about the use of this word when confronted with evidence of lying  : OMIT ?

[hashtag_loyal]

Oh yes, although not those exact words. Just a few days ago (when being confronted on her lack of honesty) she stated "I have been completely honest."

It's almost unreal how far she'll go to deny something even when presented with ample evidence. I guess her core shame is so great that she'd rather look like a complete idiot by twisting half-baked lie around half-baked lie while I disprove every one of them than to face the truth about herself.

[JSF13]

It amazes  me how similar they all behave ... .

How about the use of this word when confronted with evidence of lying  : OMIT ?

Mine used deceitful. It wasn't a lie. It just wasn't fully honest.

[GreenEyedMonster]

My ex decided to see me repeatedly of his own volition and then accuse me of stalking him.  With one of the party hosts, he wrote to him and said he was fine with seeing me there.  With the other, he didn't.  He knew I would be at both gatherings. 

When he accused me of stalking, he included showing up at one party as "evidence," but not the other, even though they were within four days of each other and he knew I was invited to both!

Sure, he didn't lie.  But the warping of his own intentions and knowledge is pretty shocking.

[Climbmountains91]

LOL!

The word for my ex is 'betrayal', nearly everyone around him betrays him at some point but his the biggest betrayal of them all. His friends have good forgiving hearts because I would of buggered him off by now. Lets just say he likes getting with the friends  ex girlfriends or even girlfriend. 

[butterfly15]

It amazes  me how similar they all behave ... .

How about the use of this word when confronted with evidence of lying  : OMIT ?

[guy4caligirl]

I am glad I made you smile hang in there buddy !

[SummerStorm]

Whenever I brought up her lying, she would change the subject or just not reply at all.  I was never sure if she didn't think she lied, didn't want to take responsibility for her lies, or just didn't see anything wrong with lying. 

[butterfly15]

I remember when I asked my ex if he was having sex with anyone else. He responded "only when we aren't together". Now I know he met that literally. So I guess technically he didn't lie? I look back at that statement and am dumbfounded. 

[13YearGoodbye]

I am inclined to belive that my X had an unstable memory. I don't think that she set out to lie about things. It's like her emotions and her memories got cross-wired in her brain so that they were interchangeable. So emotions could fabricate memories. Conversations about anything important often went towards, "You said, _____", "No I didn't".

It was upsetting to me, because she would say that I did something, and I'm thinking to myself that I have never done anything even remotely similar to that in my life, and I am driven by principles, so I wouldn't have done the thing she was saying because it violates my code of conduct. I didn't like to play the game of he-said she-said. So my policy eventually became to never discuss anything from the past, with a very liberal definition of past to include things that happened less than a millisecond ago.

Towards the end of our relationship she installed a security dash-camera into one of her vehicles. It was enlightening to me to replay the tapes of some of the conversations, and observe how the conversation disintegrated into surreal territory. It was nice to see that my memory aligns pretty closely with the video.

[hashtag_loyal]

I am inclined to belive that my X had an unstable memory. I don't think that she set out to lie about things. It's like her emotions and her memories got cross-wired in her brain so that they were interchangeable. So emotions could fabricate memories. Conversations about anything important often went towards, "You said, _____", "No I didn't".

I noticed that about my ex as well, and don't count that as part of the lying she did. It was clear that her memory was emotions-based, as opposed to the fact-based memory I have.

For instance, towards the end right before I broke up with her, she said "I'm willing to accept you for who you are even when you can be mean to me."

When I asked her how I had been mean to her, she answered that "sometimes" I would "raise my voice", but couldn't provide any examples. She couldn't think of any examples because there weren't any examples. I'm sure at some point she had not gotten her way, and had registered in her mind that I had been "mean" to her, even though there were no facts to support it.

[groundbreaker]

When confronted, I would get the deer in headlights look.    If I pressed more, then it would be an attack on her. Then we would fight. I would end up apologizing. etc etc.

[C.Stein]

I am inclined to belive that my X had an unstable memory. I don't think that she set out to lie about things. It's like her emotions and her memories got cross-wired in her brain so that they were interchangeable. So emotions could fabricate memories. Conversations about anything important often went towards, "You said, _____", "No I didn't".

It was upsetting to me, because she would say that I did something, and I'm thinking to myself that I have never done anything even remotely similar to that in my life, and I am driven by principles, so I wouldn't have done the thing she was saying because it violates my code of conduct. I didn't like to play the game of he-said she-said. So my policy eventually became to never discuss anything from the past, with a very liberal definition of past to include things that happened less than a millisecond ago.

I had very similar experiences with my ex.  She also had an unstable memory ... ."forgetting" things she said and did that were hurtful or cast her in a bad light.  She would also remember things incorrectly ... .sometimes in a way to make her look good and me bad or to shift responsibility for something away from herself.  

She would incorrect remember things I said or did, sometimes completely twisting them around.  Perhaps this was just misinterpretation or perhaps something more.  I usually speak clearly so misunderstanding what I am saying won't be an issue, but it was for her at times.  Even when I wrote stuff in emails she could misread or misinterpret it.  

You said ... .   No, that is not what I said.

Needless to say, this is more than a little frustrating to deal with.

[joel6242]

I also went through interrogations, very bad stuff. A month before I kicked him out, he called me 7 times in less that 5 minutes. I was on a very important business call and could not pause the meeting. On the seventh call I had to call him back and he told me he was pulled over for doing 100 mph and might be arrested. He thought I had someone at the house. This was the beginning of the end because it put me under allot of stress again. It was always like this but at that time I did not understand BPD at all and blamed myself.

When I kicked him out I started looking at stuff and found that he was a transexual escort, SURPRISE!. There were so many lies it was not funny. After finding out what I know now, I am very afraid to leave the house. I do not sleep. I am in constant fear. I realized that I always knew the truth; always. I guess my point is that you probably already know that this person lies.

[CharWood]

yep. Mine has been a total lying, manipulative witch at times. She will either deny it or get defensive and yell "stay out of my business"... It is a common thing. "I didn't lie. you are the one who lies, not me." even though I have never once been deceptive. BPD sufferers are in constant denial over their own bad behaviors and illness and commonly deny their bad behavior or they project it onto the other person (i.e. I am not the crazy one you are. I cant deal with someone like you).

[milo1967]

My XW had an affair for many months--total double-life, deceiving in the most horrific way me and our children. Later, after I had filed for divorce, she at one point incredibly said to me, "I have never been anything but honest with you."

And I am sure she truly believed it. I just gaped at her. It's really astonishing.