How do you cope with seeing ex

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Question for everyone. While I still have my moments, Im doing so much better. I think I may be in the processing stage now, but one thing worries me. How do you cope seeing her out and about, possibly bump into her at the broccoli section at Walmart, or maybe with another guy, or her out with a group of friends, at festivals,stuff like that. I do have to deal with her somewhat because she coaches my kid, but thats easy to avoid as she will have to deal with a group of parents and not me individually. Really would like to hear your thoughts as I push on through... .

[Deeno02]

Question for everyone. While I still have my moments, Im doing so much better. I think I may be in the processing stage now, but one thing worries me. How do you cope seeing her out and about, possibly bump into her at the broccoli section at Walmart, or maybe with another guy, or her out with a group of friends, at festivals,stuff like that. I do have to deal with her somewhat because she coaches my kid, but thats easy to avoid as she will have to deal with a group of parents and not me individually. Really would like to hear your thoughts as I push on through... .

[DangIthurts]

I'd say that'll come form being a really good place. Its like when I was with her and I saw an ex that really pissed me off. It meant nothing where it might have a few months before. I think until you're officially outta all these stages it'll bug you in some way or form.

Thats just my experience from bumping into old ex's or seeing them, that I'm not good till I'm happy with me and where I am.

[Targeted]

I really do not have that much of a problem where 60 miles separate us, but I'm sure she's going to try and throw that in my face somehow, I am preparing to cope with that by feeling bad for whoever she is with because I know what she offers in a relationship, she may be very pretty But a relationship with her is not. I will feel bad for him knowing that he is going to be cheated on and lied to and accused of doing these things and left with his head spinning around a empty wallet when he is discarded. At least that is the only way I can think to cope with it at the moment.

[Caredverymuch]

Question for everyone. While I still have my moments, Im doing so much better. I think I may be in the processing stage now, but one thing worries me. How do you cope seeing her out and about, possibly bump into her at the broccoli section at Walmart, or maybe with another guy, or her out with a group of friends, at festivals,stuff like that. I do have to deal with her somewhat because she coaches my kid, but thats easy to avoid as she will have to deal with a group of parents and not me individually. Really would like to hear your thoughts as I push on through... .

Normally one would say a polite hello and no more but in my case, I would fear even that would indicate I was still on the roller coaster of back up supply.

I asked my t this same question.  Her response: Utter indifference.  As if your expBPD is not even there.  Remain happy and indifferent to her presence and do not engage in any way. 

[clydegriffith]

I only see her when i go to see my daughter and let me tell you it's a very uneasy feeling to actually have to look at her. I make as little eye contact as possible. My heart starts racing and i get back to feeling kind of like i did when we were together, which was being afraid. Now, i know i am not really afraid of her anymore but physically being around her makes me feel that way.

I don't have a problem texting her or even talking on the phone but the phone is a still a little difficult as i have to hold in my tounge sometimes and not call her out on some of the BS things she says.

[Deeno02]

Question for everyone. While I still have my moments, Im doing so much better. I think I may be in the processing stage now, but one thing worries me. How do you cope seeing her out and about, possibly bump into her at the broccoli section at Walmart, or maybe with another guy, or her out with a group of friends, at festivals,stuff like that. I do have to deal with her somewhat because she coaches my kid, but thats easy to avoid as she will have to deal with a group of parents and not me individually. Really would like to hear your thoughts as I push on through... .

Normally one would say a polite hello and no more but in my case, I would fear even that would indicate I was still on the roller coaster of back up supply.

I asked my t this same question.  Her response: Utter indifference.  As if your expBPD is not even there.  Remain happy and indifferent to her presence and do not engage in any way. 

Thats the plan as well. Reminds me of that guy thats talked about on the forum... .Jeez cant remember his name but he basically states the same thing. Be indifferent.

[Earthbayne]

I know that indifference is something that is preached but sometimes it's hard to pull off. Specially if the break-up is so recent.

I THINK I could pull off indifference, not so sure that it'd actually happen if I saw her this weekend at a bar and she was maybe there with the replacement. As time goes by, you fake it less and you become more indifferent. Right now, I'm sure I'd try to find a way to leave wherever she is at.

[Deeno02]

I know that indifference is something that is preached but sometimes it's hard to pull off. Specially if the break-up is so recent.

I THINK I could pull off indifference, not so sure that it'd actually happen if I saw her this weekend at a bar and she was maybe there with the replacement. As time goes by, you fake it less and you become more indifferent. Right now, I'm sure I'd try to find a way to leave wherever she is at.

So far we have managed to avoid seeing each other. I have even been to her house to pick up her son because her son and mine are friends, I didnt go in and I didnt even pull in the drive way and managed not to have a nervous breakdown. Im just getting my collective crap together just in case.

[Infared]

Everybody's experience is different.  Everybody's reaction to there experiences is different.  That being said... .

My expwBPD was cheating on me at the end of our 5-year live-in relationship for I do not know how long. (according to her it never happened. She ran off a week before Christmas and left me in our home feeding her cats and putting up a Christmas Tree alone... .saying that there was no one else. (My gut KNEW better). She lied to everyone, me, him, her two psuedo friends, her parents, her new therapist ... everyone. ... .and during the years since... .she and her new supply act out when they are together in public in a way to hurt me emotionally. Always. Like 7th-graders.  I have for the most part been alone since that break-up (except for a short time) and I am always alone (except once) when I have encountered them... .They clearly "get off" on knowing that they are hurting me. It is like a planned reaction that they have obviously talked about in advance.  Now... .if she is alone it is a different story... .I had psycho drive-byes, for about a year to a year and a half out... .they have stopped... .but if she sees me in public... .and she is alone... she tries to kind of stalk me or does what ever she needs to to try to approach me "accidentally"... . right!... .with this look on her face that like... everything is the way it always was and that I should just stop what I am doing and hang out and chat with her.

I just can't.  Because of the way I was treated... .all I feel is disgust when I see her... .and a need to protect myself from her vindictive, dishonest manipulative actions.  I just don't care how many years go by.  She had never been accountable or honest about ANY of her actions. She has never apologized for ANY of her actions.  ... .and the fact that she is "accidentally" trying to run into me when I am alone... .I just know she is just curious or what ever... .there will be no accountability or discussion of the past and the whole encounter will "once-again" will be on my emotional dime. No way.  ... and then if she is with him the behavior is just completely different.

So... .I just keep moving or get-up-and-get-out of any public space that I am in... .I go to safety... and I don't care if I am walking away from a meal... .oh well... .I don't make a scene... .I just go.

I truly just am speechless.  Truly. I just have nothing to say to her. Why would I?

[DangIthurts]

I know that indifference is something that is preached but sometimes it's hard to pull off. Specially if the break-up is so recent.

I THINK I could pull off indifference, not so sure that it'd actually happen if I saw her this weekend at a bar and she was maybe there with the replacement. As time goes by, you fake it less and you become more indifferent. Right now, I'm sure I'd try to find a way to leave wherever she is at.

This is a problem I had, she just railed on me on social media about stuff that had nothing to do with her. I of course responded, but responded politely as possible. Still got pummeled.

[Deeno02]

I know that indifference is something that is preached but sometimes it's hard to pull off. Specially if the break-up is so recent.

I THINK I could pull off indifference, not so sure that it'd actually happen if I saw her this weekend at a bar and she was maybe there with the replacement. As time goes by, you fake it less and you become more indifferent. Right now, I'm sure I'd try to find a way to leave wherever she is at.

This is a problem I had, she just railed on me on social media about stuff that had nothing to do with her. I of course responded, but responded politely as possible. Still got pummeled.

Ive blocked her on everything. And, since I was barely introduced to her friends, no connection there either.

[Heartbroken Eagle]

When I see my ex whilst returning my son back to her, I still feel anger towards her inside of me. I will not say a word to her unless it is regarding our son.

She does sometimes try to engage in a conversation with me but I will not respond to her. Funnily, she seems hurt by my actions, conveniently forgetting all the lies, cheating and humiliating me in the past!

[Infared]

When I see my ex whilst returning my son back to her, I still feel anger towards her inside of me. I will not say a word to her unless it is regarding our son.

She does sometimes try to engage in a conversation with me but I will not respond to her. Funnily, she seems hurt by my actions, conveniently forgetting all the lies, cheating and humiliating me in the past!

No accountability. None. Adults like 5-year-old children.  It doesn't change their actions... .but it helps us to remember that they are sick. Basically that is who they are and they are doing nothing to change... .

[parisian]

I metaphorically put on a different set of 'glasses' to view her through. Took off the love goggles when we broke up.

I look at her and imagine she is wearing a straight-jacket, or has a set of bunny ears or big buck bunny teeth.

When I see her now, I see someone that I didn't really know. Someone that I'll never really know. Someone that has a mental illness which means she can't respond in a normal, healthy way. Someone who is a stranger.

It helps me detatch and feel indifferent.

[mywifecrazy]

Gee how do I answer this?

Unfortunately I'm different than most here as my uBPDxw of 18 yrs jumped in bed with my neighbor from across the street. After she was caught she abandoned me and the kids and started showing up across the street within months. She officially moved in lock, stock and barrel before a year was up. So I get to see my ex and my replacement on a daily basis. She makes me sick! I literally feel nauseous when I see her but like someone else mentioned I act totally indifferent towards her. She's not worth any emotion from me good or bad. I just ignore her.

How do I handle seeing my ex? I move! House going up for sale after the holidays. With Gods help I'll be out of here soon so me and my boys can finally get past this and put all the hurt behind and start to heal PERMANENTLY. It's been a crazy roller coaster of emotions the last 18months since I caught her. I'm ready to get off the roller coaster for good!

MWC... .

[Infared]

Gee how do I answer this?

Unfortunately I'm different than most here as my uBPDxw of 18 yrs jumped in bed with my neighbor from across the street. After she was caught she abandoned me and the kids and started showing up across the street within months. She officially moved in lock, stock and barrel before a year was up. So I get to see my ex and my replacement on a daily basis. She makes me sick! I literally feel nauseous when I see her but like someone else mentioned I act totally indifferent towards her. She's not worth any emotion from me good or bad. I just ignore her.

How do I handle seeing my ex? I move! House going up for sale after the holidays. With Gods help I'll be out of here soon so me and my boys can finally get past this and put all the hurt behind and start to heal PERMANENTLY. It's been a crazy roller coaster of emotions the last 18months since I caught her. I'm ready to get off the roller coaster for good!

MWC... .

Good decision MWC!... .not a decision that your ego wants to make... .but a decision that shows self love and love for your family. Congratulations!

[going places]

Praising the Lord, I have not 'run' into him

The last time I had to 'see' him was in July... .

I shop hours I know he's at work, and I do not shop in stores he might go into.

We do not have any 'common' friends.

As SOON as this house sells, I will not have to worry about running into him, ever again, because I am packing up and moving to Florida! I simply, can't wait.

I commend folks who have to live in the same town, work in the same place, etc as their ex.

I don't know how ya'all do it.

[Deeno02]

Praising the Lord, I have not 'run' into him

The last time I had to 'see' him was in July... .

I shop hours I know he's at work, and I do not shop in stores he might go into.

We do not have any 'common' friends.

As SOON as this house sells, I will not have to worry about running into him, ever again, because I am packing up and moving to Florida! I simply, can't wait.

I commend folks who have to live in the same town, work in the same place, etc as their ex.

I don't know how ya'all do it.

I don't freakin know either. She coaches my sons High School Volleyball team and lives 4 blocks from me. That's why I posed the question... .I can't stand looking at the witch. Got to tuck it away.

[going places]

I don't freakin know either. She coaches my sons High School Volleyball team and lives 4 blocks from me. That's why I posed the question... .I can't stand looking at the witch. Got to tuck it away.

You are a better man than I! (well, I am a female, so there's that)

I couldn't do it.

I live 18 miles away from my ex and it's TOO close for me.

[Deeno02]

I don't freakin know either. She coaches my sons High School Volleyball team and lives 4 blocks from me. That's why I posed the question... .I can't stand looking at the witch. Got to tuck it away.

You are a better man than I! (well, I am a female, so there's that)

I couldn't do it.

I live 18 miles away from my ex and it's TOO close for me.

Classic Trauma Bond, going places. Her son and mine are friends, I was a year and a half out of a divorce that came out of nowhere, she was 5 months into a separation/Divorce, not working as she was a stay at home mom for her kids and in I come, stumbling along. I freakin knew rebounds dont work, yet I was the savior. Thought this would be different. Im an idiot. An alone idiot with really no prospect of having anyone. So, while I await a normal gal, Im working on fixing my idiotic feelings of being alone. At the time, I would have beat someone down if they had uttered anything that said she was the worst thing that ever happened to me, now in hindsight, I wish someone had. 16 months of hell, not all bad, but the majority of it was and has taken its toll.

[going places]

Classic Trauma Bond, going places. Her son and mine are friends, I was a year and a half out of a divorce that came out of nowhere, she was 5 months into a separation/Divorce, not working as she was a stay at home mom for her kids and in I come, stumbling along. I freakin knew rebounds dont work, yet I was the savior. Thought this would be different. Im an idiot. An alone idiot with really no prospect of having anyone. So, while I await a normal gal, Im working on fixing my idiotic feelings of being alone. At the time, I would have beat someone down if they had uttered anything that said she was the worst thing that ever happened to me, now in hindsight, I wish someone had. 16 months of hell, not all bad, but the majority of it was and has taken its toll.

I 'used' to think I was an idiot.

I'm not.

The problem was not with me, it was with him.

What you have described is a legitimate 'fear' of mine... .hence the reason I will not be 'dating' or even LOOKING at a man until *I* am 100% 'me' again!

As weird as this will sound, I am thankful that I can see clearly what was done to me... .because NOW I can clearly see 'what's happening' and the red flags will glow like the sun!

And it won't take me 25 years to figure it out... .

[mywifecrazy]

Praising the Lord

That's exactly how I deal with the INSANITY of my uBPDxw and mother to my sons moving in across the street from us. I don't know where I would be if it were not for my faith. Oh wait yes I do... .JAIL!

MWC... .