The message that my ex sent my mother specifically told her, "If you have a problem with me, you need to call me or my mother." She's a very direct person. There's no way she would have let that message pass unnoticed. She was hoping to find out what my ex had been saying, but all she said was "You and the rest of your family need to leave us alone. If you contact us again, we will file harassment."
Mgn, Am I understanding that you are a minor? (I seem to remember reading on a post that you were 17. If you're not 17, then forgive me. The following is geared toward a Mother/daughter dynamic)
When I read some of your posts, I think you are very mature, extremely centered and capable. In one response you wrote, "This could potentially turn into a legal battle that we don't have any place in." That's very true. It's also very sad and could have been prevented easily. That's why I need to agree with JoannaK about your Mother's involvement in this. She (Your Mother) is not acting with appropriate boundaries and choosing to involve you, a minor, and herself, an adult, in unnecessary, ridiculous drama- with people *across* the country that could easily be blocked on facebook.
Bad behaviors by people can be scary, especially if they live right next door. But Bad behaviors by people that live far away and contact electronically can be nipped in the bud so they do not affect your life further.
The appropriate responses to bad behaviors (that cannot be resolved) are ignoring, shunning and basically looking ahead while leaving the bad behavior (and the people who do it) behind... .No contact solves everything and allows you to move ahead unencumbered by bad behavior.
It doesn't mean that the person who is doing the bad behaviors is going to stop doing the bad behaviors. It doesn't mean that the person can be controlled or corrected - it means that you control yourself, detach yourself and then let go of the outcome. If there is a smear campaign, so be it. The only way to handle a smear campaign is to rise above it and do not react to it. Reacting only gets you caught further in the bad behavior.
Your Mother needs to understand this. You also need to understand this about your Mother's choice to react. You say "she's a very direct person, There's no way she would have let that message pass unnoticed." - then you need to start placing boundaries between you and your Mother right now. There will be a time when you are a legal adult- and your Mother's reactions will lead you into drama- it's at that point that you will no longer be a minor and will be held accountable for your following her lead.
Please start by detaching from this current drama and telling your Mother you dont wish to be involved anymore.
I'm 19 now - the relationship happened when I was 17 - but I live with my parents at the moment because I'm home for summer vacation from college.
I'm really confused as to why people are reacting like my mother's a dramatic ridiculous person. She received a very vicious and vaguely threatening message contaning a 100% false accusation that could cause a lot of problems with a family that she (or me or my father) hasn't talked to in a really long time. She wants nothing to do with these people and all she did was call them and tell them not to contact her ever again. The call lasted a whole ten seconds and was quite calm considering the circumstances.
I realize that the appropriate response is to ignore it, which is what I did. She was going to write back to him - I told her not to, because it will just give him the attention he wants. I agree that calling was probably not the best reaction, but I probably would have done the same thing when faced with 100% false accusations that could turn into a hurricane of court cases, restraining orders, and fines.
(Plus we were informed by the police that if you call someone and tell them to not contact you anymore, you can pursue things legally if they contact you again, which this family is very likely to do.)
It's not really that she's involving me, it's more that I choose to be involved in some capacity. My mother received a message from my ex, and I feel like it's all my fault that this crap is happening. It's not anyone making me feel that way but myself. So if I can help or fix in any way, I feel that's my responsibility, because if I never dated this guy in the first place none of this would have happened. I
hate myself more than I can even explain for putting my family through that.
The capacity to which I am involved is quite small - I haven't spoken to him in months, and I didn't contact him after sending that message, although I will admit I was very tempted. My mother is the one that received the message and she is the one who handled it the way she saw fit. All I did was print out the message as proof in case it is ever needed.
As for blocking him on Facebook, we can't - he deleted his profile and when he makes a new one, it will take us forever to find out who he is, because he never uses his real name. He's one step ahead all the time.
But all that aside, my main point in this whole thing is that my family has been NC with his family for a long time now. I am concerned because they are making things up - saying that our family calls them all the time, harasses them, etc. This stuff is just plainly
not true. Phone records, email records, IM records, Facebook records, and text message records will indicate that we have not contacted them like they're saying we have. We have nothing to hide.
The problem is that they have the upper hand, because everyone's always more likely to take the side of people claiming that they're being harassed.
I'm confused as to why this is even happening. This was out of the blue, totally completely out of nowhere. It's a lie,
all of it, and I feel like there is nothing we can do about it. We have to walk on eggshells from thousands of miles away.