Hi! So to start things off I'm a 23 year old male and my ex(25f) has BPD. I've known about it since we first met, though I didn't know much about it. The relationship started off exactly how it seems every BPD relationship starts. Super intense, she was overly clingy and we spent a huge amount of time together. She had a bad home life so since like 3-4 weeks of dating she moved in with me. Living with her was honestly very difficult. She brought her bunny with(the bunny she literally never took care of). She'd also very reluctantly clean up after herself. She was very messy and a forgetful person. I'd struggle with trying to get her to do simple things but I loved her ya know. I put up with it as best I could. Fast forward 8 months. We break up and she says things like "I'd rather just rip the band aid off now before it hurts anymore" and other things of that nature. Then she moves into a friends house. I did all the "No comeback, let me help you! I love you" typical stuff lmao.
Well she ended up apologizing for that after a week or two of not talking and then things were good, then we got into a minor argument and things went to
PLEASE READ again. We weren't dating but we were working on things to try and date again. Welp now last month I did what others with BPD/Experience with BPD told me I shouldn't of done. I gave her an ultimatum. She either clean up after herself and BOTH of her animals(bc she got a dog now), seek therapy like she told me she so badly needed or she should move out. She freaked out, told me she was homeless before and was like "if you really loved you wouldn't of done this". Now she's moved out almost completely. She says she has an apartment but won't tell me where. She lives with "friends" I'm assuming coworkers idk and she's blamed EVERYTHING on me. Says me giving her that ultimatum was a "psycho move" and I was pleading with to just go to therapy, how much I still loved her and was willing to even help pay for it. She dodged all that and was saying that I was the one who needed therapy and was an awful person for talking to others(I joined a BPD discord to learn more) about her BPD and now she wants nothing to do with me.
Yesterday I gave up. I wasn't going to plead with her anymore. I wasn't going to text her telling her how much I love her/miss her. I told her "You're right, we're probably not compatible and we should probably go no contact like you said". She only said that she'll let me know when she's coming to get the rest of her stuff. For those who've experienced this before, what do I do? I'm focusing on myself, college and my career, hanging out with friends etc but honestly I really want her to apologize and seek
PLEASE READing therapy. Especially since before she left she told me how "hard it is to try and not think of suicide or cut myself again". All I want to do is be comforting to her but she's literally treating me like I'm a
PLEASE READin villain. After reading through some posts here I saw that smothering her with affection will only make her hate me more so I guess it's good that I basically agreed with what she said then right? People have told me "99% of the time she'll come back" but I'm starting to feel like she's always gonna hate me, which sucks but I realistically don't want our old relationship. I know that people with BPD mirror themselves to their significant other but she genuinely has the same music taste, same long term goals as me, same sense of humor etc. I know it's not mirroring because she was like this before we even dated or knew each other. I'm not superman and I'm not trying to be anymore, I just don't know what else to do as I really do miss her. What should I do? Any advice or anything is super appreciated!