Back to past behaviours

[ortac77]

It is quite a while since I have posted on here, maybe because thing's have been generally calmer? Maybe because although my partner still has all the BPD traits and behavioural issues I have an engaging job and hobby that keeps me both occupied and sane most of the time and I largely have learnt to ignore it when he 'flips out' for a couple of days, if he engages fine, if not also fine - although its hardly a 'relationship'. This has been the pattern of his behaviour for some time now and so if he needs space I give it to him.

For the last week however he has totally withdrawn and any brief interaction from him is definitely passive/aggresive although mainly he stays in one room, curtains closed and avoids any contact whatsoever. This is a throwback to a common behaviour pattern a few years back which at times resulted in him becoming verbally or even physically aggressive so needless to say I have concerns. I cannot fathom what has bought this on - I am not being accused of anything nor can I think of anything that has happened, but he is secretive and spends a lot of time on the internet. If he sleeps its during the day but he is not taking any personal care of himself at all and is very scruffy and unkempt.

For the first time in a long time I felt quite down about this today and started to think that my life would be a lot more pleasant without him. I can deal with short periods of being ignored but I am finding this behaviour wearing and as `i get older I am really not sure I can continue to live for the times when he is pleasant company at the expense of the angst his BPD causes me.

Just needed to put this on here today as a way of stopping my own emotions from getting out of control!

[BigOof]

ortac77, can you tell me more about his triggers?

[kells76]

Hey, welcome back. I remember you; it's been a while.

On the same page as BigOof; wondering about what menu of things has "set him off" on this path in the past. Am I remembering correctly that "family stuff" was a trigger for him (and please correct me if not)?

[ortac77]

I think 'menu' of triggers is probably a good description, certainly his family relationships have been a large part of his history of difficulties and highly dysfunctional. As to the 'menu' - perhaps best I can say is any form of stress and by that I mean just the stuff off life, he struggles to deal with it and gets very angry at simple things or other people.

He has surfaced today and apologised but still will not engage on what has caused this episode and (for now) I am not questioning it although I suspect it is caused by him overspending and unable to pay off his debts.