I don't know where to start...

[BrokenDream5]

Hello,

I am have been married to a BPD for 3 years.  I have suspected that he has had BPD for 5 years.  Our relationship started off like a whirlwind romance.  After we got engaged I began to see fits of rage.  Things have been getting progressively worse.  Last September he pushed me to the ground after we got in an argument.  My toe got dislocated when I fell and I had many bruises from my fall.  He has not gotten physically abusive since then but the verbal abuse is constant.  We have not been intimate in months because he has been cheating on me by going to strip clubs and paying strippers for sexual favors.  We have an 18 month old child and I am trying my best to be the loving and understanding wife.  I have only recently accepted that my husband has BPD.  I feel like I am throwing all my love down a deep empty pit of nothingness.  It feels like all the love in the world can't make him feel loved.  I am here to look for some support.  I don't know anyone else who has gone through this.

Thanks a lot!

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Mike-X]

I am so glad that you found this site and posted your story. I am sorry to hear what you have been through. There are lots of members on the boards who are hear to listen and be supportive.



Can you elaborate on what you mean by having accepted that your husband has BPD? There seems to be many levels to acceptance. I feel like I reach a new level regularly.

The violence that you experienced is very concerning. Can you elaborate on how safe you feel now? Do you have a plan of action should something approach that level of conflict again?

Other than these boards now, do you have a support network? Are you seeing a therapist?

[Mike-X]

Please read the following on domestic violence crisis support: https://bpdfamily.com/discussions/search-info4.htm

[shatterd]

i know u feel  with the abuse i know both sides actully   im not sure wut advice to give at this time   but im here to listn

[Suzn]

Hello Br0k3nDr32m5

Welcome to the boards. I'm sorry you're going through all of this with your husband.   It's courageous of you to reach out for support. Many members here know exactly what you've been dealing with.

I'm also concerned for your safety. A safety plan is good to have just in case things get out of hand again.

Safety First <--click on this link for info to help you put one together.

Do you have family or friends nearby for support?

[BrokenDream5]

Hi all,

My undergrad was in psychology and I took many classes about personality disorders.  I saw signs of BPD behavior early in our relationship but I kept doubting myself.  I kept thinking that I was over analyzing the situation and I can be a bit of a hypochondriac sometimes.  In the last few weeks I finally accepted that my husband really does have BPD and that I'm not imagining things.  I know that treatment can be effective but I don't know if he is willing to do it.

I contacted the national domestic violence hotline when the incident occurred.  I do have a safety plan and a lot of friends and family close by.  I am looking for a counselor to talk to.  Would you know where I can find counselors that specialize in BPD?  That info would be so helpful. 

[flowerpath]

I’m glad you found us too.   For a very long time, before I realized that my husband’s behavior is characteristic of BPD, I focused on the good things and basically tolerated abuse.  Not a good way to live!  The tools and support here have made a big difference in my life.

On the Psychology Today website, there is a “Find a Therapist” link.  That’s how I found the name of a local counselor.  I don't know whether it would be this way for the area in which you live, but most of the therapists in our area list the types of therapy in which they specialize, and I did see that some of them list DBT. 

[Suzn]

Welcome back BrokenDreams

Good to hear you have a plan in place and support of friends and family.

The NAMI organization would be very helpful.

www.nami.org/

Hope this helps.

[Mike-X]

It is good to hear that you have a safety plan and people around you to provide support. I used the psychologytoday Website to find my counselor. You can filter searches based on issues. I called several and talked with them about my situation and their expertise before selecting one.