For some reason, this interaction stuck in formflier's mind and that is why he chose to post it. However he deals with people is his choice. He did ask for feedback and several of us tried to point out that regardless of whether the stroller was broken, his buyer was really upset and the way he chose to deal with the situation inflamed it, rather than leading to a win/win.
Since this topic has really taken off... .I question whether I can really say what I was thinking when I posted it. Broadly... .I figured there would be some light banter about how we "see" PDs more now that we are familiar... .or "notice" that type of behavior... Perhaps some similar stories from others.
So... .I'm interested in comments on how I handled this... .I met this lady in person 1 time when she picked it up.
I think I got a comment or two... .
Anyway... .the entire "vibe" of the way she kinda asked for her money back... but not directly... .just the way all of this reads... .set off my "BPD detector"
Do you guys notice things like this more?
My remembrance is that 1 or 2 people mentioned noticing this more... .I figured this would be main thrust... .the "lens" with which we see the world.
Has a r/s with a pwBPD changed the way you interact with the world?
It has for me... .
Don't really remember much about this question... if there were any responses.
I basically figured out under what circumstances I would be ok giving back the $$... .and offered that to her... .for some reason... .(unknown to me)... .she decided her apology was worth more to her (to keep it)... .than $30... .
At no point did I consider her emotional state... .not my role. It was my choice of what role to play. I picked that role not because I was seeking drama, or my soul was crushed by what she said, but by my history. This is how I have been successful in business type situations with people that I have no long term "personal" interest with. Especially people that come across "less than friendly".
I'm a talker... .I'm from the south... .I went to a big 10 university... .and people thought I was odd that I waived and said hey to other students (that I didn't know) as I walked around... .so... .if a stranger wants to talk and is at all friendly... .the likelihood is... .you are going to start a gabfest. I'm an extrovert... .big time.
However... .people that behave in odd ways... .that violate "polite" rules (civility... whatever)... .I don't have much tolerance for. I have made a choice to not tolerate them... .
Anyway... .hope this sparks a discussion about how what we have learned impacts the way we interact with the world.
The old me would have "debated" her about the finer points of the exchange... what she said... .what I said... blah blah...
FF
This last part I posted... .makes we wonder if the INCREASE in dealing with BPDish behavior at home has lead to a DECREASE in the amount of "odd" behavior I deal with (by choice) outside the home.
Again... .I do remember the days when I would not have tried to be so succinct... and try to put myself out there a bit more.
Now that I know what to look for... .I saw hints in my first 15 years of marriage... .but it went bezerk after a natural disaster forced us out of our home for about half a year. There was about 3 to 3.5 years of really... .really bad stuff... .that was steadily getting worse until I heard about BPD... .got Eggshells book... and found this site.
Last year and a half (since finding this site) has been an adventure... .but the broad trend is towards improvement.
As for things the formflier will be pondering... .rather than the specifics of how I would best handle the lady... .I'm now thinking more about how I "appear" to the world... .after the last 5 years.
Was it MaybeSo that said we all have wounds. I have a lot of known wounds... .but I'm sure that I have some I don't know about or "understand" yet. Perhaps the increase in empathy required at home... .as lead to a decrease in empathy I put out for the rest of the world? Not even sure if that is a "wound"... .but something I am pondering.
More stuff to look over... .and respond to...
FF