What I learned it gets better

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

I guess it's my turn to write a what I have learned thread.

FINALLY!

Basically I am who i am.

Everyone is projecting always.  Always.

Anyone that projects negativity no matter how subtle. Is abusive.

"Stop being the victim". Abusive

"I do so much for you" abusive

"Why can't you... ." Abusive

"You just need to" abusive

When people see somone in pain or Ina position of "weakness" the way they treat them is a reflection of how they feel about their vulnerable inner child.

Also we project outward how we would like to see ourselves onto people we idealize.

With my BPD ex this was authentic both ways.

With people with heavy narc or histrionic traits and psychopaths their idealization is as fake as their false self.  

A lot of us codependent types have extremely intense capacity for empathy similiar to pwBPD. Us "empaths" have the genetic component if triggered would have caused us to become BPD.

When people talk now I can hear and feel everything now.

It's like I don't even hear the words anymore only the story they tell themselves and internal script they are living out.

It has been 9 months since the "official beak up" 5 or 6 months since I decided to detache.

I opened myself completely to my ex and it almost killed me. When I arrived on this forum it litteraly saved my life. I was hours away from ending it the pain and madness was just way too intense.

I realized living in cities and suburbs with artificial light tv and all the crap we have filling up our lives has cut us off from our connection to ourselves. We are disconnected and distracted by a great big neon piece of crap so we can be controlled.

Out actual senses our gut sense is tremendously powerful. I am not sure of it's neuroscientist ic connection to our brains but it detects things that impact is on an unconcious level.

Out heart is another extremely powerful sensing organ and because we are so tremendously disconnected from our gut our heart can lead us to being manipulated.

Our gut connects us to our environment. Take a hard look at the environment in which you dwell and how disconnected it is from the natural rhythms of the earth and what it is our gut is connected to.

It gets better and if you decide to not shut those doors within that has been opened

What you see and hear will amaze you. Like we have been living our entire lives blind and deaf born into bondage. To be controlled because we have a concience.

We were not meant to live this way our senses have been dulled to the point we don't even realize we've been sleeping our entire life.

[Blimblam]

I guess it's my turn to write a what I have learned thread.

FINALLY!

Basically I am who i am.

Everyone is projecting always.  Always.

Anyone that projects negativity no matter how subtle. Is abusive.

"Stop being the victim". Abusive

"I do so much for you" abusive

"Why can't you... ." Abusive

"You just need to" abusive

When people see somone in pain or Ina position of "weakness" the way they treat them is a reflection of how they feel about their vulnerable inner child.

Also we project outward how we would like to see ourselves onto people we idealize.

With my BPD ex this was authentic both ways.

With people with heavy narc or histrionic traits and psychopaths their idealization is as fake as their false self.  

A lot of us codependent types have extremely intense capacity for empathy similiar to pwBPD. Us "empaths" have the genetic component if triggered would have caused us to become BPD.

When people talk now I can hear and feel everything now.

It's like I don't even hear the words anymore only the story they tell themselves and internal script they are living out.

It has been 9 months since the "official beak up" 5 or 6 months since I decided to detache.

I opened myself completely to my ex and it almost killed me. When I arrived on this forum it litteraly saved my life. I was hours away from ending it the pain and madness was just way too intense.

I realized living in cities and suburbs with artificial light tv and all the crap we have filling up our lives has cut us off from our connection to ourselves. We are disconnected and distracted by a great big neon piece of crap so we can be controlled.

Out actual senses our gut sense is tremendously powerful. I am not sure of it's neuroscientist ic connection to our brains but it detects things that impact is on an unconcious level.

Out heart is another extremely powerful sensing organ and because we are so tremendously disconnected from our gut our heart can lead us to being manipulated.

Our gut connects us to our environment. Take a hard look at the environment in which you dwell and how disconnected it is from the natural rhythms of the earth and what it is our gut is connected to.

It gets better and if you decide to not shut those doors within that has been opened

What you see and hear will amaze you. Like we have been living our entire lives blind and deaf born into bondage. To be controlled because we have a concience.

We were not meant to live this way our senses have been dulled to the point we don't even realize we've been sleeping our entire life.

[thereishope]

Blimblam... .Write more... .please... .

Venting... .

I sit here, realizing this crazy thing I'm calling my life is not what I'm supposed to be doing... .As a matter of fact, I want to open my mouth, and let out the longest, loudest, bloodcurdlingest scream I can muster... .while running out the door and finding a cabin somewhere deep in the woods where I can just cry for a long, long time... .I've been running on this hamster wheel of "trying to figure things out" for a bit now... .and it hasn't really done much good, or maybe it has... .Things are getting progressively harder to handle... .uBPDh just left to go get something for our dinner and I am sitting here thinking about the way he talked to me before he left that is that same old way... .quiet, subtle, nothing outrightly evil, but definitely in a way that makes me feel like somehow my breathing a few words to him is a major disruption in his universe... .I washed the mirror he brought home for me to refinish... .God forbid... .I WAS SUPPOSED TO TAKE A BEFORE PICTURE WITHOUT WASHING IT FIRST!  Duh!  What the heck was I thinking?  Oh I guess it's just my inability to reason anything correctly.  I get it... .  Next time I'll MAKE SURE to do it THE RIGHT WAY and NOT WASH THE TRASH ITEM FIRST, so the before picture will be RIGHT before I refinish it and make it look beautiful.  Stupid me.

I want it to stop.  I need it to stop.  It is driving me crazy.  Literally.  I cannot possibly be this much of a pain in someone's existence... .as a matter of fact, I know I'm not.  I am loving and bend over backwards for people and I am worthy of companionship and sensitivity and encouragement and that is all ok. 

I need the strength to follow through with what my gut has been screaming for a long long time.  This is not right.  That's  all the info I need.  What will it take for me to accept that as ENOUGH?

[Blimblam]

There is hope

I can not answer this for you. I can not help you. Please do not look to me as a guide.

I am relearning how to speak.

I can only be the authority over myself.

For a long time I have given my power away to people that were there to "help" me. It wasn't help. They were not helping me.

I can only project and mirror to you.

I am working on aligning my projections with my gut and heart. 

The heart has led me to this point and at a certain point when the pain became too great my gut said this is enough. 

We must save ourselves.

Recognizing my own reflection what I project what I absorbed. Where it came from. 

[Blimblam]

Look within and see for yourself.

[pieceofme]

I cannot possibly be this much of a pain in someone's existence... .as a matter of fact, I know I'm not.  I am loving and bend over backwards for people and I am worthy of companionship and sensitivity and encouragement and that is all ok. 

no one has ever made me feel as much of a pain and hassle and annoyance as my ex did. one of the last times we spoke, he even criticized how i sleep. no one has ever been as cruel.

i am NC, but have yet to come out of the FOG and feel i am worthy. the worst part is i can't remember what i felt like before this.

[Mutt]

Everyone is projecting always.  Always.

Anyone that projects negativity no matter how subtle. Is abusive.

Hi Blimblam,

Is saying always black and white thinking? Projection is hard to detect, it happens quickly. It sometimes hits me the next day that something that ex said was projection. Non's project as well, on the off chance face to face I catch ex project, I simply say it has nothing to do with me and leave it as such. I can choose to be indifferent knowing that it is projection and it has nothing to do with me. It can be an emotion or an act that's almost insignificant at times. I'm not sure that I would quantify that as abusive.

I cannot possibly be this much of a pain in someone's existence... .as a matter of fact, I know I'm not.  I am loving and bend over backwards for people and I am worthy of companionship and sensitivity and encouragement and that is all ok.  

no one has ever made me feel as much of a pain and hassle and annoyance as my ex did. one of the last times we spoke, he even criticized how i sleep. no one has ever been as cruel.

i am NC, but have yet to come out of the FOG and feel i am worthy. the worst part is i can't remember what i felt like before this.

I'm sorry to hear that your ex was critical and hurtful  A pwBPD relive their core wond of abandonment via an attachment (us) trauma from the past in the here and now. It's not about us. The abuse, pain and suffering is very real to us.

[Blimblam]

Hi Blimblam,

Is saying always black and white thinking? Projection is hard to detect, it happens quickly. It sometimes hits me the next day that something that ex said was projection. Non's project as well, having if I catch ex project, I simply say it has nothing to do with me and leave it as such. I can choose to be indifferent knowing that it is projection and it has nothing to do with me. It can be an emotion or an act that's almost I significant at times. I'm not sure that I would quantify that as abusive.

I cannot possibly be this much of a pain in someone's existence... .as a matter of fact, I know I'm not.  I am loving and bend over backwards for people and I am worthy of companionship and sensitivity and encouragement and that is all ok.  

no one has ever made me feel as much of a pain and hassle and annoyance as my ex did. one of the last times we spoke, he even criticized how i sleep. no one has ever been as cruel.

i am NC, but have yet to come out of the FOG and feel i am worthy. the worst part is i can't remember what i felt like before this.

I'm sorry to hear that your ex was critical and hurtful. A pwBPD relive their core wond of abandonment via an attachment (us) trauma from the past in the here and now. It's not about us. The abuse, pain and suffering is very real to us.

Everything I perceive is a projection. Every expression. the tone of my voice. The way I move my body. The way I feel. A projection and a reflection at once.

[Blimblam]

Really I'm not sure how to explain this

I'll try

The light within is the sun that illuminates all that we percieve. But all that we percieve is what it illuminates.

[Blimblam]

It feels like gratitude authentic gratitude. For even the pain.

Thank you family. 

Keep our hearts open and we will heal. Be better for it

[Mutt]

It feels like gratitude authentic gratitude. For even the pain.

Thank you family.  

Keep our hearts open and we will heal. Be better for it

The wound is the place where the Light enters you ~ Rumi

[blissful_camper]

Projection can certainly be abusive, and hurtful.  There's no doubt about that.

There are times, though, when it's not abusive.  And recognizing that, I feel, is as important as recognizing when it is abusive.  

Here's an example of non-abusive projection that occurred today.  It was mildly negative, but I feel it wasn't abusive.  Maybe it's worth pondering.    

My biz partner and I faced a challenge today.  She asked what our best course of action was.  I shared my thoughts.  She wrote me back and said "I can hear you're frustrated."  Since I wasn't frustrated, I knew that she was.  For whatever reason, today, she wasn't comfortable discussing her frustration, and that's okay.  While her projection was somewhat negative, I don't view it as abusive. Was it my job to confront her with the projection?  No.  She's self-aware, and she is probably journaling about it today.  

I enjoy reading your insights Blimblam, and I'm glad you're sharing them with us.  

[thereishope]

There is hope

I can not answer this for you. I can not help you. Please do not look to me as a guide.

I am relearning how to speak.

I can only be the authority over myself.

For a long time I have given my power away to people that were there to "help" me. It wasn't help. They were not helping me.

I can only project and mirror to you.

I am working on aligning my projections with my gut and heart.  

The heart has led me to this point and at a certain point when the pain became too great my gut said this is enough.  

We must save ourselves.

Recognizing my own reflection what I project what I absorbed. Where it came from.  

I know BB... .I just got alot out of your post and wanted to hear more. ... .

Thank you for sharing your thoughts.  

[Blimblam]

Thanks family

Like when I hear people speak and interact i recognize that is projection. Most people I know that project an oppressive attitude are just simply unaware.  It is a reflection of how they treat their inner child.  

Its like the only thing that exists is the lonely child and the healthy adult is his imaginary friend. And narcisism is the smoke  that blind the lonely child from seeing his own reflection in the mirror.

The alchemical opus of Carl Jung

www.youtu.be/hT_506q741k

[Blimblam]

There is hope

I can not answer this for you. I can not help you. Please do not look to me as a guide.

I am relearning how to speak.

I can only be the authority over myself.

For a long time I have given my power away to people that were there to "help" me. It wasn't help. They were not helping me.

I can only project and mirror to you.

I am working on aligning my projections with my gut and heart.  

The heart has led me to this point and at a certain point when the pain became too great my gut said this is enough.  

We must save ourselves.

Recognizing my own reflection what I project what I absorbed. Where it came from.  

I know BB... .I just got alot out of your post and wanted to hear more. ... .

Thank you for sharing your thoughts.  

Thank you so much.

It's just i realized I can not help anyone. When I have tried it was me projecting the desire to help myself.

I hope that makes sense

[thereishope]

Keep our hearts open and we will heal. Be better for it

The wound is the place where the Light enters you ~ Rumi

Like a muscle, we grow when we are stretched and experience pain.

[Blimblam]

Projection can certainly be abusive, and hurtful.  There's no doubt about that.

There are times, though, when it's not abusive.  And recognizing that, I feel, is as important as recognizing when it is abusive.  

Here's an example of non-abusive projection that occurred today.  It was mildly negative, but I feel it wasn't abusive.  Maybe it's worth pondering.    

My biz partner and I faced a challenge today.  She asked what our best course of action was.  I shared my thoughts.  She wrote me back and said "I can hear you're frustrated."  Since I wasn't frustrated, I knew that she was.  For whatever reason, today, she wasn't comfortable discussing her frustration, and that's okay.  While her projection was somewhat negative, I don't view it as abusive. Was it my job to confront her with the projection?  No.  She's self-aware, and she is probably journaling about it today.  

I enjoy reading your insights Blimblam, and I'm glad you're sharing them with us.  

I was reading one of your posts then it triggered a transformation in me. 

I don't know how to describe this but it's so beautiful.  My heart alligned with my gut.

[blissful_camper]

I commend you for all the hard work you're doing, Blimblam.  It takes a lot of courage to look inward.   

[Blimblam]

I look back and their are a ton of times i was projecting my negativity and frustrations out on others though out the years.

I mean we all do we get in bad moods it's natural. 

It's just I can see it more clearly in pervasive patterns in people. Their sort of outlook on things. I mean I get it it's defense mechanisms everyone deserves a chance. It's only afterwards that we self reflect. Some people choose not to self reflect and are in deep denial it's just a fixed pattern.

At the same time after being gaslit and looking like the problem to everyone around me while my ex comes off as some princess and I was this bad man taking advantage of her. I know things are not always as they seem.  So I won't just avoid people having a hard time and judge them. I know a ton of people that just wanted to bliss out and anytime anyone had negative energy it was like "ahh bad vibes man". But so often it was the person accusings lack of communication and self righteousness that was passive aggressive.

One major major thing I learned from this relationship is things Are not always as them seem

[blissful_camper]

I look back and their are a ton of times i was projecting my negativity and frustrations out on others though out the years.

I mean we all do we get in bad moods it's natural. 

It's just I can see it more clearly in pervasive patterns in people. Their sort of outlook on things. I mean I get it it's defense mechanisms everyone deserves a chance. It's only afterwards that we self reflect. Some people choose not to self reflect and are in deep denial it's just a fixed pattern.

At the same time after being gaslit and looking like the problem to everyone around me while my ex comes off as some princess and I was this bad man taking advantage of her. I know things are not always as they seem.  So I won't just avoid people having a hard time and judge them. I know a ton of people that just wanted to bliss out and anytime anyone had negative energy it was like "ahh bad vibes man". But so often it was the person accusings lack of communication and self righteousness that was passive aggressive.

One major major thing I learned from this relationship is things Are not always as them seem

Yep, sadly true. 

[thereishope]

I was reading one of your posts then it triggered a transformation in me. 

I don't know how to describe this but it's so beautiful.  My heart alligned with my gut.

I reallllly need this to happen... .My gut has been crying out to my heart for quite a while now... .But my mind is very creative and successful at occupying all my time... . 

[thereishope]

I commend you for all the hard work you're doing, Blimblam.  It takes a lot of courage to look inward.   

!

[Blimblam]

It feels like gratitude authentic gratitude. For even the pain.

Thank you family.  

Keep our hearts open and we will heal. Be better for it

The wound is the place where the Light enters you ~ Rumi

Thank you for sharing this beautiful quote

[Mutt]

It feels like gratitude authentic gratitude. For even the pain.

Thank you family.  

Keep our hearts open and we will heal. Be better for it

The wound is the place where the Light enters you ~ Rumi

Thank you for sharing this beautiful quote

Blimblam you're welcome. I found that and hung unto it in my darkest hours through excruciating pain from ex. It helped me and thank you for sharing.