Good grief, it's the old abuse by proxy game.
www.suite101.com/article.cfm/verbal_emotional_abuse/106364 This is an almost expected event, so prepare for it. The cousin, writing you an email to get you to open up your wallet? How does that work on your guilt and obligation? Any ideas? All we need is fear now- oh there, it is... .she ran out of gas on the side of the road. All sorts of bad things could have happened, you know. Of course you do- it's what manipulators use... .you've got the trifecta of FOG (fear, obligation and guilt)
So here's what you say to running out of gas,= "Who's fault is that?
So here's what you say to running out of money, ="Who's fault is that?
So here's what you say to "be nice to me, I haven't eaten today,"= "Who's fault is that?
So here's what you say to "be nice to me, I didn't sleep well last night,"= "Who's fault is that?
This is how you re-train a waif. I know. It works. Watch her reaction the first time you do this- it will floor her. What do you mean who's fault is that? Yep, that's what you said- Who's fault is it? Make her think. Man34 cant be the only responsible adult to put gas in her car- even 16 year olds learn how to bag groceries and get money for gas. Time to grow up. Be responsible. Get a job. Take care of herself. Soon the only thing she'll be running out of is excuses. And you know what? She may find herself for the first time in her life doing things she always dreamed of- with a sense of self sufficiency and pride. She's just never learned HOW. No one taught her.
The issue here is whether or not you can let her do this on her own without it becoming a painful process for yourself. Rescuing is a way of involving yourself in someone elses journey so that you don't heed the road of your own. You cant do that anymore- you have to let go. She will learn and unlearn many things. First thing she needs to become aware of is learned helplessness... .
A good article:
www.unfetteredmind.com/articles/helplessness.php
