quick thought: types of false behavior

[raisins3142]

I've noticed that people (especially women, I haven't study men so much) that act fake to be more agreeable to people usually split one of two ways:

1. super fake nice in an innocent, almost child like way

or

2. super fake nice in a somewhat sexual, flirty, seductive way

Has anyone else noticed this pretty strong grouping?

My ex even had files and images on how to pose ones body for photos or to be seen by others to be maximally sexually appealing (ex. how to stick your chest out without appearing to stick your chest out).

Whenever we would go out in public, she would put on the sexy, sassy persona, and it would draw men in like flies.  Whenever she would walk away to go do something, she would routinely be intercepted by some guy that had been watching her (she was above average in looks but not a knock out, so pure physical attractiveness does not explain this, I've dated much more physically attractive women).  Also, I had people more than once approach me and ask if she and I would like to "swing" or partner swap.  Really gross.  

This was just ingrained in her, and probably why it was easy for her to collect male "friends" and exes.

When she would flirt with men, she at least told me she had no idea she was flirting.

It was very hurtful when she would be sullen towards me and then instantly perk up into "sex kitten" mode the moment we were in public.   

[raisins3142]

Also, she had visible tattoos and body piercings... .which I think is common for BPDs... .and I think these things make you more approachable, even by people without body art.

[billypilgrim]

Absolutely agree.  Mine had different faces for people.  She was an innocent little girl around her family.  She was a mature, kind woman around her work friends.  She was a flirty and fun 20 something around friends.  She was everything she thought I wanted when she was around me. 

And yes, tattoos are big with her.  She has 3.  One is a giant cross - she was a Christian before she met me.  Now she is far more spiritual (to mirror me of course as I am not religious).  Another is a mother/daughter tattoo.  I guess to remind her where her BPD comes from.  And the most recent is so unbelievably fitting to her.  It's a quote.  "To be, rather than to seem."  No words.  She's a walking, talking paradox.  Maybe some replacement down the road will be a Christian so that tattoo will be relevant once again some day.

[raisins3142]

"to be, rather than to seem"

Mine was obsessed with finding and being herself, which is atypical for someone in their 30s.