how long did your BPD and replacements r/s last ?

[imsodizzy]

Just wondering i read some where from a t who worked with BPD r/s that they lasy from 18months to 15 years he wrote for the 18 months the non enjoys intense honeymoon phase then tries to recreate the honeymoon but hecause they have healthy personal boundaries they leave and the longerbr/s is because non has weak personel boundries i know my r/s was 7 years i did have good boundries she didnt leave because she didnt think she could survive with out me her words so just wondering how long was your or the replacements r/s did u have good boundries

[imsodizzy]

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[LettingGo14]

Hello imsodizzy --  I am not exactly sure if I have answers to your questions.  Each of us has our own set of circumstances, with many variables.   Common to many of our stories are phases of idealization/devaluation as well as questions of boundaries.

My relationship was 4 years.  Looking back,about 20 percent was great.  I am in process of detaching and I am trying to focus 100% on me, because I remain stuck if I try to figure out my ex-girlfriend.  I could not save her or the relationship -- I can only look to myself.

Where are you in the process of detaching?

[goldylamont]

My rs lasted 4 years. Within a month she started anew and this only lasted 4 months. I joke that perhaps this means I was 12 times as strong?   Her 2nd rs after this lasted 6 months before she got banned from setting foot on his property and then started calling me again, we had been in full NC during this 6 months.

I stopped keeping tabs so unsure how many men she's been with but I think there's been a lot. After her second rs ended she moved back a couple houses down from me so I catch wind of things but luckily we stay out of each others way. She recently moved in a new bf, I met him as a neighbor and he seems really nice. I like him and hope he is strong enough to not get damaged too much. I made her wait over two years before moving in, so my bet is she will run through this guy by the end of the year but honestly I don't know I stay out of her sillyness.

Many here view how long they stayed in the rs as a sign of their own issues and weakness, as a mark of how much abuse they were willing to put up with. For me personally I view it as the opposite, that my rs with her lasted for so long because of my own personal strength and attractiveness we were able to stave off the worst of her behaviors for longer than she was capable of ever doing before. So it depends on each individual.

What about the length of your rs and how do you feel?

[imsodizzy]

Thank for the reply to letting go i am at the point where i onow i dont want to get back in r/s for the most part i dont let what she does get to me she uses our d4 to control me but i dont let that work she recently have been rubbing the replacement in my face and been stoking me andhas been asking mu sister and our baby sitter to tell her about this new woman that doesnt exist but she claims ive been with before she got with my replacement  today she and the replacement and our d4 were just standing out infront of my window i know its just part of her game but i feel the more i dont give in and give her the attention the more she ups what she does to try and hurt me ive come along way in healing and discovering about me but every one of these displays for attention i feel sets me back two steps

And to goldy we were together 7 years i feel like you i saw red flags at first but i feel she tried tohold it at bay it took her till year 6 and from 6 to 7 3 re ylces she acted totaly different cold then clingy then all over again until i said no more she moved out chased this guy who didnt want her then reached out to me i was still in nc then i think to justify her rejection of me she created this other woman then found this guy on fb and after a week she has made him her bf i think just to make me jelous but i have been her longest r/s but i also turned into a father daughter r/s i didnt feel like her partner but her father