I'm sure this wasn't healthy but...

[Waddams]

SO and I had a huge blow up over her birthday/valentine's day. Emotions are running high, but there's a mutual decision to separate. We live together but aren't married, and things are weird. She'll stay out 'til real late, lie about where she was with the kids, I go to bed at a decent hour, and I wake up with her having crawled into bed next to me. I know she's lied about her whereabouts at least once because mutual friends told me a few things that contradicted one story she told me. And I have no idea why. She doesn't need to tell me where she is or what she's doing, I didn't ask her.

I've been being kind to her kids, kind to her, not returning the bad attitude, etc. At the end of last week, she kind of softened her act, and then this weekend it happened twice where we'd wake in the middle of night and have tossed and turned so we were touching. And I don't even know how to describe it without getting TMI, but yeah - crazy angry frantic aggressive breakup sex. A couple of times.

I've never experienced anything like it. It's weird but we both got so caught up in the release of emotions and pent up anxieties. We kind of reveled in it during the occurrences. And I know she wasn't trying to get knocked up, she was insistent and even aggressive about... .gawd it's relevant to the whole know she wasn't trying to get knocked up statement but TMI - she initiated things both times and also... .applied the protection... .and was very insistent and aggressive about being the one to do it... .and aggressive about what she was about to do to me.  Obviously it wasn't rape or anything, but she had an attitude of she was going to do what she was going to do, period.  Kind of started as a trying to show dominance thing, show me whose on top in the situation?  I don't know exactly how else to describe it.  And me getting caught up in the moment, I egged her on in a "oh yeah, go for it, gimme your best shot" kind of way.   

There was nothing gentle or caring about it, and it was mutual. Best I can think to describe what happened was a substitute for a fist fight to blow off steam at each other.  Afterwards there was even mutual talk that I think we both meant that it doesn't change anything, we're still separating.

Lease is up at the end of April but sitting here thinking about it, we would definitely be best off if we figured out a way to get into separate residences ASAP!  This weekends' bedroom shenanigans took a turn for the surreal and I'm just now starting to snap out of the daze it left me in.

[Elpis]

Yup, that would mess with your mind and be hard to deal with (pun intended.)

There's always gonna be a pretty much spiritual connection in the act of sex, even if it's a "who's in charge" act. That is just going to cement your connection further when what you want is the opposite.