Exit Plan

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

Hello,

I'm not sure if I am posting this on the right board, since I've been on the Staying board.I find myself no longer hopeful that the progress we've seen in our relationship will ever move me to feeling comfort and trust in my partner. I am living a limited life walking on these eggshells. Life is very good, except for when the weather turns stormy (jealousy, insecurity and verbal abuse), and except for a recent blissful 2 1/2 month period it seems to storm once a week.

I get very good advice here, and one of the things that keeps me in this is not quite knowing how to extricate myself. I know it seems obvious. I know asking him to leave never works, but I can leave, yes. I own the home we live in and I'll be honest: I have a lot of shame about asking a friend if I can stay at their house so I can give us the space to split up. Or to be more honest, I don't have any friends close enough that live nearby that I can ask for help with this. I've stayed at a hotel and at my office a few nights, but that wouldn't work for the long term. I don't know how to leave when he lives at my house.

Again, I realize this may seem like a naive question, but I'm at the point where I need to think about at least having an exit plan and I need help with this.

thank you.

[Bee Girl]

Hello,

I'm not sure if I am posting this on the right board, since I've been on the Staying board.I find myself no longer hopeful that the progress we've seen in our relationship will ever move me to feeling comfort and trust in my partner. I am living a limited life walking on these eggshells. Life is very good, except for when the weather turns stormy (jealousy, insecurity and verbal abuse), and except for a recent blissful 2 1/2 month period it seems to storm once a week.

I get very good advice here, and one of the things that keeps me in this is not quite knowing how to extricate myself. I know it seems obvious. I know asking him to leave never works, but I can leave, yes. I own the home we live in and I'll be honest: I have a lot of shame about asking a friend if I can stay at their house so I can give us the space to split up. Or to be more honest, I don't have any friends close enough that live nearby that I can ask for help with this. I've stayed at a hotel and at my office a few nights, but that wouldn't work for the long term. I don't know how to leave when he lives at my house.

Again, I realize this may seem like a naive question, but I'm at the point where I need to think about at least having an exit plan and I need help with this.

thank you.

[GaGrl]

How long has he lived at your house, and has he been contributing to the expenses?

Depending upon your local laws, you may have to get legal assistance, even go through an eviction process.

[Bee Girl]

He's been living with me for 2 1/2 years, and contributing to household expenses monthly. I'd rather start with the least contentious exit plan, but I understand it could come to getting legal assistance. I suspect he would avoid legal intervention, since his first marriage did involve an ugly court proceeding (there were custody issues). We are not married.

[Bee Girl]

Any advice or support would be a help. The situation is probably more acute than I described, and though I'm not in physical danger he is in a completely unfounded jealous episode and I think I've reached the point of leaving (or having him leave) for sure. Apologies if I seem like a drama queen. I actually have a tendency to minimize and employ denial, or I'd have extricated myself already.

[trappedinlove]

Hi Bee Girl,

I haven't been in a similar situation myself but I think that the right thing to do for YOU is to insist on having him leave.

It is your house and your decision to split and it his him that is acting out and being intolerable. Therefore it is important that you take the responsible adult role and manage the situation.

I apologize for not offering any practical advice.

TIL