Is it ok to message his mom to say goodbye?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Ex and I have been broken up for about a month and a half now. I am going to delete his mom on facebook, because seeing her posts remind me of him. But I had a fairly good relationship with her and don't want it to be out of the blue. I kinda want to send her a message saying "hey, I just wanted you to know I'm going to delete you on facebook. Nothing against you, I just think I need to break off all connections with ex. I'm thankful to you for making me feel welcome around you and your family, and I hope things are going well for you and ex's brother."

But! On the other hand. If my ex sent a message like this to my mom, I'd be pissed and feel like he broke my boundaries by contacting my family. I'd feel like he was trying to manipulate how my family felt about him. I'll admit, a large part of this is that I want her to think well of me. Is this a case where I just need to slink off silently?

[still_flying]

Ex and I have been broken up for about a month and a half now. I am going to delete his mom on facebook, because seeing her posts remind me of him. But I had a fairly good relationship with her and don't want it to be out of the blue. I kinda want to send her a message saying "hey, I just wanted you to know I'm going to delete you on facebook. Nothing against you, I just think I need to break off all connections with ex. I'm thankful to you for making me feel welcome around you and your family, and I hope things are going well for you and ex's brother."

But! On the other hand. If my ex sent a message like this to my mom, I'd be pissed and feel like he broke my boundaries by contacting my family. I'd feel like he was trying to manipulate how my family felt about him. I'll admit, a large part of this is that I want her to think well of me. Is this a case where I just need to slink off silently?

[beherenow]

i did the same thing to my exs mom on fb... .it was mainly a letter of apology about not being able to handle the pressures of our relationship  (we broke up 4 times in 6 months) she was very nice and liked me alot. i only got to meet her once, but wanted her to know i thought alot of her and loved her son the best i could and would always love him etc. i wished her a merry christmas. it was kinda long but very tender and sweet. never heard back from her but figured my ex told her not to. no biggie... .i did the right thing i feel. do what your heart tells you!

[Changed4safety]

If she is not BPD herself, I bet part of her, maybe just subconsciously, understands.  I think only you know her well enough to make that call. 

[Gladto be away]

I wouldn't. I did that with my ex' aunt and I got a letter 8 months later bringing up all kinds of old stuff. Apparently in her eyes, I try too hard, whatever that means. especially since according to him I didn't try hard enough.

My point is just let it go.

[Rose Tiger]

I agree with Changed4safety, you know her best to predict if there will be any fall out. 

I'm sorry you got hit with that Gladto be away.  :'(  My MIL was never particularly friendly with me, I tried to call her once after the break up and she told me she couldn't talk because she was on her way to bed.     Alrighty then.  Shaking the dust and moving on.