sidestep a recycle

[gina louise]

my HUSBAND called last night after texting, and we finally talked. he wants to reconci... .Uh... I mean RECYCLE.

He claimed he was only selling the house to pay the divorce settlement.(my fault)

he offered me nothing, even said as much-still blamed me 99%, but had a list of demands/expectations that I need to meet. He did apologize for screaming at me (but I drove him to it?)

I am still painted pretty black.

I agreed to meet and talk today. face to face over coffee.

He's hoping to reconcile. Providing I Do what he expects. His last words were... YOU OWE ME!  "?"

go figure. entitlement knows no bounds.

I smell a rat... .I mean a recycle.

I spent some sleepless hours... mulling over my options. I don't think I can go back with conditions on me, like a price on my head. I'm human too. I need some compromise from his side!

So,

what I am going to offer to him is a payment plan rather than lump sum for the divorce settlement-so he doesn't have to sell the house.

I have a job lined up here... and I am not ready to move back, yet.

It's sad... .I feel badly. that I can't just leap back into the r/s and say YES-lets try.

But I am in shields up- self protect mode.

GL

[tnvol6]

I commend you for your response. Sounds like you bare doing the right thing

[gina louise]

UPDATE:

first off, Happy New Year!       

Hope 2013 is bigger, better, busier and more FUN than any other year! YEAH!

I saw my HUSBAND , took him some stuff, picked up some books I had left-ran some errands with him and ate lunch out.

He was a complete MESS. I felt so bad for him. He seemed worse off then when we were together. Distracted, distressed. Anxious. admitted to having a breakdown in a work meeting and crying.

I felt a twinge of guilt, but when he began lecturing me IN the car-about not sharing my measly amount of money with him, "making" him pay for everything (Not true, BTW)

I used ALL my validation tools, bit my lip and stayed neutral. The "everything" he paid for was all HIS and he gets to keep it-and I paid every penny I had to cover MY own bills (car, phone, credit cards) and ate 3/4 of my life's savings the first year of marriage.

(box of frogs, box of frogs, box of frogs... .  )

so irrational rant # 1. Done... .  

His next rant was how he needs this and that from me... has "stbxBPDhpectations" of how HIS life WILL BE. A list of hoops for me to leap and tumble through.  Nothing new-just same old stuff.

And I will either come along or not. That's How It was. That's how he wants it. That's HOW it WILL be.

Me = Switzerland. him = box of frogs.

He was mostly in that cold, flat Detached Protector Mode. I know it's for his own emotional/mental preservation.

Didn't show much emotion. Hugged me, and I hugged back. I don't hate the man!

I can tell he's truly struggling. Hard to watch.

At lunch he said his head feels like it's full of bees-like his thoughts are just buzzing and can't settle. I believe he needs mood stabilizers or something but I can't suggest that.(Yet)

He left the table twice to take or make calls... .  and then couldn't decide what to order. He said he felt overwhelmed even making a simple menu choice!

After lunch we ran several more errands- kept us busy and out. Very nice day too.

I didn't try to pressure him into making ANY decisions-just offered to negotiate payments for the divorce settlement-IF he's insisting on a D. Told him I could see that divorce and selling and moving all at once is too much to handle.

Told him maybe a Legal Separation is more in order while we see what we want?  Maybe counseling?

Then said good bye and drove home.

I am relieved. And saddened.

He is so troubled by everything. I am doing FINE. I am happy. I DO miss him. But I don't miss his stress, anxiety and struggle... .  his deep pervasive negativity. His need for control.

GL