What is MY part?

[Rylee]

My relationship with my partner has always been intense (she is diagnosed BPD).  It seems it is so easy to hurt her feelings and she doesn't feel better until mine are hurt 1000x's worse.  She will totally emotionally shut down, laugh while I cry, say horrible things and even throw things AT me or become physical WITH me.

We've been back together for about a year (after a 4 year separation) and I'm starting to feel this pattern seriously WEAR on me.  I feel powerless a lot of the time. 

I want to explore the possibility that there are things I'm doing SERIOUSLY wrong in dealing with her.  Not that I think I can solve everything or deserve her rage, but just ways to navigate the situation that don't make me feel like I am compromising ALL of ME in the process.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Somewhere]

Al-Anon has a saying . . . . we call it the Triple C for Short.

YOU:

Did not Cause It.

Cannot Control It.

Cannot Cure It.

Make sense?  It was never about you to start with.

So what are you doing "wrong?"  Maybe just being normal in an abnormal situation.

====================

[waverider]

I want to explore the possibility that there are things I'm doing SERIOUSLY wrong in dealing with her. 

What you are doing wrong is the way you are dealing with you and the way you process her actions towards you.

Mainly use the lessons here, over and over again, until it becomes natural and you dont have to think about them. You still wont always get it right, but you will feel a lot better

[briefcase]

Rylee, can you give us some specific example of a situation where you thought you could have done better?