Diagnosis + Treatment
The Big Picture
Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde? [ Video ]
Five Dimensions of Human Personality
Think It's BPD but How Can I Know?
DSM Criteria for Personality Disorders
Treatment of BPD [ Video ]
Getting a Loved One Into Therapy
Top 50 Questions Members Ask
Home page
Forum
List of discussion groups
Making a first post
Find last post
Discussion group guidelines
Tips
Romantic relationship in or near breakup
Child (adult or adolescent) with BPD
Sibling or Parent with BPD
Boyfriend/Girlfriend with BPD
Partner or Spouse with BPD
Surviving a Failed Romantic Relationship
Tools
Wisemind
Ending conflict (3 minute lesson)
Listen with Empathy
Don't Be Invalidating
Setting boundaries
On-line CBT
Book reviews
Member workshops
About
Mission and Purpose
Website Policies
Membership Eligibility
Please Donate
October 31, 2024, 05:53:50 PM
Welcome,
Guest
. Please
login
or
register
.
1 Hour
5 Hours
1 Day
1 Week
Forever
Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins:
Kells76
,
Once Removed
,
Turkish
Senior Ambassadors:
EyesUp
,
SinisterComplex
Help!
Boards
Please Donate
Login to Post
New?--Click here to register
Depression = 72% of members
Take the test, read about the implications, and check out the remedies.
111
BPDFamily.com
>
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
>
Romantic Relationship | Bettering a Relationship or Reversing a Breakup
> Topic:
A moment of clarity or something else?
Pages: [
1
]
Go Down
« previous
next »
Print
Author
Topic: A moment of clarity or something else? (Read 548 times)
Rockylove
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 827
A moment of clarity or something else?
«
on:
January 20, 2013, 06:57:55 AM »
This has been a rough week for my bf. He's been very depressed. I have been working long hours to catch up on a few jobs as I've got new ones to begin next week. I had to work for a few hours yesterday, but was home by 12:30. He was outside with the dogs when I got home so I joined him. It was really beautiful and sunny and I was happy to be outside doing anything but work!
Long story short... . we ended up doing all sorts of "work" that he could have done himself during the week while I was working. I'd asked him to fix the light switch at the top of the stairs because we're having house guests next weekend and I didn't want anyone falling in the dark. That opened a huge can of worms because the house is really old and needs new wiring. Yup... . a tremendous mess was made rewiring and we had to abandon our efforts when the sun went down... . another unfinished project~~sigh!
Then comes the strange conversation.
BF: It's been a bad week. I'm depressed
ME: I could sense that you've been depressed. I'm sorry this has been a bad week for you.
BF: you never get depressed
ME: oh, but I absolutely do and it sucks!
BF: but you can get yourself out of it because you're perfect... . you have the right
tools
He said tools with a strange sneer... . I had to chuckle.
ME: I'm far from perfect~~you've seen me out of sorts many times
BF: Have you ever been so depressed that you thought of offing yourself?
ME: yes, I have.
BF: I thought about it this week.
I told him that I didn't believe he wanted to die any more than I did when I felt that way, but rather just wanted the sadness to end. He said that maybe he was just too chicken to kill himself. I said perhaps. He said that he feels better when I'm here. I told him that I'd love nothing more than to stay home with him and not work, but it isn't in the cards for me at the moment.
He went on to say that he realized that he's got such a great life and who wouldn't want the life he has and that he didn't think he'd kill himself because of the people he loves. It gave me a sense of relief.
He had had a couple of beers by this time and I could tell he was getting tipsy so I tried steering the conversation elsewhere, but he continued with ramblings about me having everything I need to deal with "stuff" ~~my herbal remedies, meditation,
tools,
wine. I said there was no magic pill and that I had to work at keeping myself positive... . it was more mind over matter. He asked me if I'd be able to deal with everything so well if I quit everything. I told him that the wine and herbs (these are legit, by the way... . not "herb" can go away tomorrow and although I do use them, they are not magic. The "tools" are something that I've made part of my life~it's not something external that I'm medicating myself with.
don't know if he was bating me for yet another discussion on his desire to "trip" which I'd already told him wasn't a topic I cared to discuss again or if he was trying to find out more about how I handle depression without a bunch of drugs.
Logged
RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING
This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.
CodependentHusband
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 1564
Re: A moment of clarity or something else?
«
Reply #1 on:
January 20, 2013, 10:49:16 AM »
hmm... . Sounds more like he feels inferior to you, and kind of resents feeling inferior to you, if that makes any sense. My pwBPD has done that many times as well... . not as much lately as she used to, but I've heard plenty of talk about how I'm so "perfect," which really seems to be more about her than me, ironically.
I know it is rough when they fall into a deep depression. Not much to do, but take care of yourself and wait for it to pass. Don't think I would recommend a 'trip' of any kind at this point.
. I'm just kidding you!
Logged
Rockylove
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 827
Re: A moment of clarity or something else?
«
Reply #2 on:
January 20, 2013, 11:03:40 AM »
I get that sense at times, CoD... . but I'm not sure he understands just how hard I've worked at keeping myself from falling down the bottomless well of depression. He has the advantage of having met me when I'm a much more mature individual (both emotionally and in years~~officially 53 in 2 hrs and 11 minutes
), but I struggled (and continue to struggle) with my insecurities and at times deep depression. I have to act the part of a happy person when I'm too blue because I know that it brings me back to a better place. I don't think he's got the self discipline to do that... . I don't know... . was hoping that hoping that he'd ask more about the meditation and "tools"~~he did say that perhaps he'd try some St. John's Wort. Maybe a good start that he's talking about his depression instead of raging.
Logged
CodependentHusband
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 1564
Re: A moment of clarity or something else?
«
Reply #3 on:
January 20, 2013, 12:44:08 PM »
Quote from: Rockylove on January 20, 2013, 11:03:40 AM
I have to act the part of a happy person when I'm too blue because I know that it brings me back to a better place. I don't think he's got the self discipline to do that... . I don't know... . was hoping that hoping that he'd ask more about the meditation and "tools"~~he did say that perhaps he'd try some St. John's Wort. Maybe a good start that he's talking about his depression instead of raging.
That's a good tool that I've used for years as well. I think you are right in your thinking that not everyone has the capability of having success with that strategy. On the differences between depression and raging though, I tend to kind of see those in the same kind way. It's just my opinion, but the depression on the pwBPD's part, I think, is caused by all of the underlying issues of BPD. The reason I think this is because I have read so many times about BPD sufferers meeting with failed treatment for depression. Treating the depression alone in a pwBPD is kind of like putting a bandaid on a broken leg. It might make them feel a little better for a short time if you are lucky, but it doesn't do anything for the long term.
I hope things get better for him soon. Keep detaching a little more so you can be stronger for him. It's counter-intuitive, but works in the long term.
Logged
Rockylove
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 827
Re: A moment of clarity or something else?
«
Reply #4 on:
January 20, 2013, 06:20:18 PM »
It was a good day, CoD... . We went grocery shopping this morning, took care of some necessary evils (I absolutely had to clean my truck... . too much grout spillage!) my sister came out this afternoon and my son and family came for dinner this evening. Strange, but the company seems to distract my bf and he is always happy when my son comes over (football is their thing) and he loves the grand kids. As depressed as he's been, he seems to be hanging in there really well. He's going on a 2 hour jaunt tomorrow to pick up a guitar for our friend's birthday and he's excited about having company next week. That gets us through January... . I'll think about February when it gets here
Logged
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?
Pages: [
1
]
Go Up
Print
BPDFamily.com
>
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
>
Romantic Relationship | Bettering a Relationship or Reversing a Breakup
> Topic:
A moment of clarity or something else?
« previous
next »
Jump to:
Please select a destination:
-----------------------------
Help Desk
-----------------------------
===> Open board
-----------------------------
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
-----------------------------
=> Romantic Relationship | Bettering a Relationship or Reversing a Breakup
=> Romantic Relationship | Conflicted About Continuing, Divorcing/Custody, Co-parenting
=> Romantic Relationship | Detaching and Learning after a Failed Relationship
-----------------------------
Children, Parents, or Relatives with BPD
-----------------------------
=> Son, Daughter or Son/Daughter In-law with BPD
=> Parent, Sibling, or In-law Suffering from BPD
-----------------------------
Community Built Knowledge Base
-----------------------------
=> Library: Psychology questions and answers
=> Library: Tools and skills workshops
=> Library: Book Club, previews and discussions
=> Library: Video, audio, and pdfs
=> Library: Content to critique for possible feature articles
=> Library: BPDFamily research surveys
Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife
Loading...