becareful what you wish for.

[mitchell16]

Recycle attempt? dont know. Most likely. Its been about 5 days since we parted ways. Last night I get a text that said there was one more thing I forgot tell you. I didnt respond. Then 3 hours later I get a text saying sorry that was ment for someone else. Any takers? I feel like its another recycle in the makings. and I dont know how I feel about it all. One side it makes me sick and another i feel excitment and the desire to contact her back. How do you shake this feeling?

[FoolishOne]

Mitchell... .  you know the answer here... .  the Devil is calling... .  don't answer.

[Rose Tiger]

Can you block her number?

[mitchell16]

yeah. I felt like that was what it was. Just fishing me. I think I can block her but have to do thru the phone company. not thru my phone. I think. This is just a crazy mess. I have never been in something like this in my life. The calls and texts pull at your heart string so much. I have seen this with her before. If I ignore her later she will say you rejected me and if i respond I asking for more pain and misery. becasue it starts all over again. You wonder why they cant just let you be. They had you and then they threw you away. then they want you back.

[hithere]

If I ignore her later she will say you rejected me

Sounds like you want there to be a next time.

When you are really done you will be able to fight off the feeling to reconnect, until then it will be a struggle and you might lose.

If you don't want her to text you anymore then type out this in the text box and send it as soon as she texts you, copy and paste over and over if needed.  It works!

Your text could not be delivered - please visit spamfighter.com for more information.

[mitchell16]

thats a good Idea. I never thought of that. I think when it starts you start having those moments of weakness. You start thinking in your heart have they seen the light. But in your mind becasue its happened so many times before that no it hasnt changed. but you start to feel the twinge of wanting the recycle. But again for what. I feel like why does it start all over again. Like I said they have you, then they dont want you, then you go away and then here they come again. Get you back, abuse you some more, dump you and then walk away again. I looked back on my old texts the other night wondering how many time she dumped thsi last year and I was shocked. it was like 4 or 5 times. twice nearly 5 weeks were i didnt hear a sound from her. Then throw out a "hook" and i bite and back again. Once called me up late at night, telling how much she missed and loved me. The next called back and started talking to me. I asked are we getting abck together and she what made you think I wanted back with you. I said you called me and told me all that stuff. She said yeah I ment it but I didnt want to get back with you. I just wanted to talk to you. I was crushed all over again.

[hithere]

4 or 5 times in a year is a lot! Eventually you will either hit rock-bottom or have an aha moment and something will switch in your mind and allow you to stay away.

I kinda hope your ex starts up with a new guy and let's you move on with your life, it will hurt like hell but at least you won't be trapped on the merry-go-round from hell!

[happiness68]

Yes Mitchell she's definitely trying to reconnect without a doubt.  You must do what you feel is right.  You will know when you're ready to start moving on.  I myself go through wondering why I'll do if/when my BPD gets in contact, so I know how you're feeling (partly).  I do think to myself though do I really want to go back to that only to know that it will happen all over again and when I've come so far can it be worth going through all that pain again from the start.  From what I've learnt on here it seems near impossible to change a BPD or for them to ever be really cured.  It's a long journey to go back to it.  Listen to your inner voice.

[turtle]

History proves what will happen if you recycle.  If you look at the facts, as you've laid them out here, you already know the outcome.

Are you ready for another ride on the merry-go-round?  Just remember that you'll be throwing up when the ride is over.

We've all done it --- gone back --- thinking, hoping, wishing something will be different. And each time we do it, we give away another piece of ourselves to someone who is only capable of destruction. At some point... .  we finally believe the facts of our own history.

Your history is speaking volumes, Mitchell16!

turtle

[happiness68]

Turtle - I really take note of your posts - you're so grounded and strong.  I was once like you, before my exbfBPD and I hope to be like that again one day (very soon) ;-)

History proves what will happen if you recycle.  If you look at the facts, as you've laid them out here, you already know the outcome.

Are you ready for another ride on the merry-go-round?  Just remember that you'll be throwing up when the ride is over.

We've all done it --- gone back --- thinking, hoping, wishing something will be different. And each time we do it, we give away another piece of ourselves to someone who is only capable of destruction. At some point... .  we finally believe the facts of our own history.

Your history is speaking volumes, Mitchell16!

turtle

[myself]

Last night I get a text that said there was one more thing I forgot tell you.

I didnt respond.

Then 3 hours later I get a text saying sorry that was ment for someone else.

I've dialed wrong numbers before, but never called them back three hours later to apologize for doing so. If she's really done with you, she wouldn't have sent that second text, even if the first was a mistake. She would have hoped you did NOT respond. Do you think she's trying to make you jealous that there's someone else she was intending to be writing to? Did it work? It's playing games to get you to respond. My ex recently wrote me that she loves me, misses me, etc. When I didn't respond, within an hour, it was back to 'Ok I won't write you anymore'. I can understand that if she put a dollar in a soda machine, and no soda can came out, she might push the button some more until she decided to walk away from it. But we're not their machines. We don't just cough up what they want, when they want it. Do we? Maybe at one time, but not any more.

[turtle]

Turtle - I really take note of your posts - you're so grounded and strong.  I was once like you, before my exbfBPD and I hope to be like that again one day (very soon) ;-)

Thank you hapiness68.  I AM strong, but that's because I did my stint in hell and dug myself out.  I have NO interest in returning!

And YOU will get to this same place.  Just keep putting one foot in front of the other!

turtle

[mitchell16]

thanks you everyone. you have gave me solid advice. I knew what i was feeeling in my heart but its so hard when they seemed to know every trigger they can to pull at your heart strings. we(nons) are not playing game its real emotions involved. I feel like on teh other hand its just a game with them. Kinda like catch and release. The want to catch you but as soon as they do they have to release you again. just to repeat.

[mitchell16]

lastest update. She sent one more text apolgizing for the late night texting again and wishing me well. Yep, another recycle attempt. Im still holding strong with NC.

[happiness68]

Mitchell16 - protect yourself above all else.   Remember you are number one.

Turtle - I'm getting back to my old self.  A lot of what I read on here is making me stronger every day.  Your words really stick with me.  I can't wait to say I'm never going back.  You're a example to us all ;-)

[happiness68]

Well done.  Be strong.  You're in the driving seat here ;-)

lastest update. She sent one more text apolgizing for the late night texting again and wishing me well. Yep, another recycle attempt. Im still holding strong with NC.

[myself]

I can't wait to say I'm never going back.

Say it now. Say it often. Repeat those words like a mantra to yourself. Even if you're not sure, thinking in that direction will help you get there. Practice helps it happen better.

[happiness68]

myself - OK, deal, from this moment onwards it will be my mantra ;-)  I shall say it to myself every day at least 10 times on repeat when I wake and have my first thought, which is at the moment always my exbfBPD and how I miss him being next to me when I wake "I'm never going back" ;-)

I can't wait to say I'm never going back.

Say it now. Say it often. Repeat those words like a mantra to yourself. Even if you're not sure, thinking in that direction will help you get there. Practice helps it happen better.

[myself]

OK, deal

I'm right there with you.

More there than not, but still a work in progress.

This is something we can wish for and help come true all at once.