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[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Man o man. Soon to be ex wife. Diagnosed with abandonment issues. Saw her psych this week. Apparently he told her that her rages are understandable considering all she has been through. The fact that I am leaving and abandoning her.  She has threatened to ruin me.  To hurt my dog. Blames me for everything wrong in her life. He won't call her BPD. Last night someone told her im having an affair. Im not. Haven't even spoken out of turn with a woman at all. Led to a 4 hr text tirade rehashing all old wounds. Name calling. Devaluing. Just nuts. I just don't see it stopping. She is desparate. Wants me back. Will continue to use intimidation as a tactic and fear if it would lead to me returning to her. What to do.

[lost007]

Man o man. Soon to be ex wife. Diagnosed with abandonment issues. Saw her psych this week. Apparently he told her that her rages are understandable considering all she has been through. The fact that I am leaving and abandoning her.  She has threatened to ruin me.  To hurt my dog. Blames me for everything wrong in her life. He won't call her BPD. Last night someone told her im having an affair. Im not. Haven't even spoken out of turn with a woman at all. Led to a 4 hr text tirade rehashing all old wounds. Name calling. Devaluing. Just nuts. I just don't see it stopping. She is desparate. Wants me back. Will continue to use intimidation as a tactic and fear if it would lead to me returning to her. What to do.

[Rose Tiger]

How do you know for sure what the therapist said?  Are you going on her word?  Your best bet, turn the phone off.  Do not get drawn into 4 hour tirades.  Take a break and take care of yourself for a bit.  Are you in separate living arrangements?

[lost007]

We are living separately. She threatens to call people at my work. She just won't stop. And true, I only know what she tells me.  I vascilate between feeling bad and wanting to help/be with her and realizing just what she will do to me over and over if I allow it. It's crazy. Just found out today that actually she has been communicating with a man to the point he had to ask her to stop because he had begun another relationship. Yet she is convinced it is I who is behaving this way.

[Somewhere]

Ahhh.  At first I thought you meant the T was directly telling you . . . [yada, yada, yada]

Let me 'splain this . . . You are just being fed a total load of bs. 

Goes like this . .  . [Authority Figure So and So] says YOU ARE [fill in the blank].

Last time I had it pulled on me was maybe 3 or 4 weeks ago.  No LESS than 6!  6! imaginary authorities had lined up to tell me that I was [whatever].  Actually made me smile a little when I mentioned that I had never even met most of these people -- and two that I did know I had not talked to or even seen in a year. 

Soo . . .  how was it "they" could know all this about me?  Only person talking to any of them . . . was Mrs. Somewhere.  Strange that, no?  Never met me, never talked to me, only one source in and out . . . Mrs. Somewhere.  She stormed out of the house and started texting me that I was calling her a liar (again!). 

oh well.

But no, on her being convinced about your behavior -- she is solely projecting her behavior on you.

Bascially all you need to know is that what she accuses you of -- she is doing.

[lost007]

You are correct. I found her "source" this am. My stbx has actually been visiting with someone she knows. Imagine that. Total bunk. Actually first time I have actually been able to confirm one of her confabulated stories. Hurts as I know that what she has been accusing me of she has been doing. That sucks.

[GreenMango]

Hi lost,

Notice the therapist said it was understandable that she felt that way... .  notice she took it as permission to act that way.  Not the same thing.  My guess the t is taking it on step at a time trying to build trust and leak in new tools as not to scare her off.  But her treatment isn't your responsibility.

It may be a good idea to only communicate with her about things VIA email.  And to work on boundaries regarding the circular conversations.  Her going from berating you to wanting to try again in the same conversation is an example of her uncontrollable emotions. The threats etc I would treat very seriously.  Her emotional reasoning can be dangerous.

Have you posted on the legal board too?

[lost007]

I havent posted on legal boards. Virtually all conversations circular. I've read about it but still hard to combat.