Valentine's Day is around the corner... Should we be prepared?

[Changed4safety]

To those who have been detached for longer than I and some of the other newly left/leaving folks, any warnings about what we can expect, in ourselves and from our exes? 

For example--Mine is on my phone plan and is supposedly finally going to start sending me money to pay for his share of it in the next week.  I need to get a new phone, which means a new plan, and I want to start fresh by having him take control of the old plan with just his phone on it and me taking care of my new contract.  It will cost us each a bit more to have two separate phone bills, and my ex doesn't want to pay more than he has to (neither do I, I freelance and I am seriously sweating the next few months, having gone broke paying for his hobbies.).  He also will take this as a "rejection."  Should I wait until after V-Day?

On a wider scale, any tips for handling our own feelings?  Thanks in advance!

[schwing]

It wouldn't hurt to gird yourself for the possible recycle attempt.  Then again, Valentine's Day might be an occasion in which he might try to seduce someone new.  Who knows?  It all depends upon him.  :)on't worry about him.

But I wouldn't let this occasion stop you from doing something you should do for yourself anyway.  I wouldn't consider entering into any "agreement" with your ex because chances are he will neglect his obligation, you will be cheated, or worse, he will use the terms of your arrangement as a surrogate for attempts to recycle you.  

For example, when he wants to contact you without actually lifting a finger he could simply "forget" to pay you for several weeks until you call him up to remind him.  Then he would scold you for breaking limited contact or no contact or whatever.  Or blame you for stalking him or whatever distorted perception suits him.  It will be a source of constant grief.

I would just end the phone plan.  He is a grown man, let him get himself a new phone plan.  Sure it'll be inconvenient to him, but it will save you a truck load of inconvenience to you.

As for "handling [your] own feelings" that is the beauty and challenge of it all, we each have our individual needs and requirements.  The trick is to be sufficiently aware of oneself, to know oneself, such that we become adept at taking care of ourselves and our feelings.

As for the basics, I would suggest being constant and deliberate about how well you feed yourself, how much rest you get, and how much physical activity you provide yourself.  And then to build upon that, I would experiment with new, fun activities that could be a possible source of enjoyment, happiness, or at least distraction.  Sure you know what has made you happy in the past.  It is a challenge to figure out what can make you happy in the future.

Best wishes, Schwing

[seeking balance]

ditto Schwing on the recycle info.

Regarding the phone plan - I have to say this was the hardest part of separating ALL our bills to actually handle because the PROVIDERS make it very difficult.  They wouldn't let us separate the plan without both of us being present.

If I were you, I would check with your provider to make sure you know exactly what is needed before presenting to your ex.  It did cost me penalties, small price in the big picture, but in the moment really pissed me off with everything else going on with the divorce.

[Gaslit]

Numbers are "portable" and super super easy to move from one provider to another. They do all the work.

You certainly don't want him taking over the plan that is in your name, and ruining your credit.

Simply explain you are switching providers to get a better phone and a better deal and that he'll have to do the same by X date if he wants to hang on to that number.

As for you, what an opportune time to change your number!

Good luck.