Mother and Sister with BPD

[NancyNurse]

I am a 19 year old nursing student with a ton of mental illness experience. My whole life my mom was a little different. For the first half of my childhood she cleaned obsessively. She was the perfect mother (to the outside world), had it all together; perfect house, perfect kids, perfect husband... .  Then one day we moved houses (which obviously set her off) and she started sleeping on the couch every day, taking too many prescription drugs, losing job after job after job. I remember one year we ate chili and leftover chili everyday for like a month. She was always just "depressed." This only got worse and I can't even begin to describe it without writing a novel of my life.

One day about a year and a half ago I came home to find that my mother was off to the hospital to get some help. This was the most relieving feeling. I thought things could only get better from here! But then FACS came to the house because she told all the nurses that her children do drugs in the house and our father is abusive. This is not true. Shortly after she claimed she was raped in the hospital and was discharged for being "too vulnerable." So the only thing she got out of her two week stay was a diagnosis of BPD, a new set of friends from the nasty end of town and some new sedatives.

Since then my mother has left the family to live with her new boyfriend who she met at "the mission." I have never met him in the year they have been on and off but from what I do know he has no job, no house and no brain. She gives him all her money and not a dime to her children (I have two younger sisters as well). She has moved houses/apartments about 5 times in the last year. Each one she has been kicked out of for some reason or another. My mother has managed to get a disability cheque from the government each month, welfare, child-tax benefit cheques and even money from her parents who believe that she left because she was being abused.

I've given up on my mother however, and focused my attention on the new problem that has arisen in my household. My sister has BPD too. This however, is a lot scarier for me because we're close in age, assumed to be companions... .  but she scares me. She has threatened to kill me/hurt me on multiple accounts and she's not joking. Last year she dropped out of high school because it was "too much" with my mother being sick. She still hasn't gone back. This will be her third semester missing school and I can't fathom it. My whole life she was different than me and my other sister. She gets away with things that no one else could. She would steal and she wouldn't even try to cover it up. To this day she steals very obvious things from me, things that I would notice, and then she lies about it. Even if she is caught red handed, she will lie.

It's so hard for me to understand the way they are. I just can't understand why they have to lie when things seem to straight forward to me.

It's becoming such a burden living with my BPD sister and estranged mother that I went online to look for a solution and came across this website... .  and here I am now.

[GreenMango]

  NancyNurse 

Your story and the living situation with both your mom and your sister sounds incredibly difficult.  We are very glad you found us here and hope we can offer some support in finding a way through this.

You mentioned being at home.  Are you able to talk with your father about much of this?

[forgottenarm]

 

Hi NancyNurse and welcome!

Your family life sounds very challenging---I'm glad you came here for support.  My mom has BPD and I suspect my sister might, too.  I'm older than you, but I remember what it was like when I was your age and still lived with them.  It's hard to go out into the real world and make your way when there's so much volatility in your family life.  Unlike you, though, I didn't have the presence of mind to figure out what was going on and seek help at your age.  It's really great that you've done that, Nancy.  There's so much you can do to educate and protect yourself.  Coming here to bpdfamily.com is a great step in that direction.

There's a really outstanding book that might be helpful for you.  It explains BPD behaviors and also describes ways to cope with them.  I highly recommend it:

Essential Family Guide

This link will take you to some articles and workshops that might also be helpful:

Coping when a Family Member has BPD Lessons/Survivor's Guide to Childhood Abuse

How are things going with your classes?  Are you keeping up okay?

[P.F.Change]

 

Does your sister have a diagnosis? Have you considered if she has traits of ASPD as well?

What can you do to take care of yourself? Is it possible for you to find some roommates and move out? Do you have a therapist? Counseling is often available for free on college campuses and might be worth looking into if you don't have that support already.

In the meantime, it is probably a good idea to document any threats your sister makes. If you feel your life is in danger, you may need to ask for help from law enforcement. Your safety is very important. Would your father allow you to install a lock on your door to prevent your sister from accessing your things?

I'm glad you're here and hope you will check out some of the resources that have been shared with you.

Wishing you peace,

PF