BPD controlled when it comes to their Boss?

[Robbz]

Funny, how come when it comes to a boss the exBPD can split their boss black, but a week later because exBPD require's money and a job to be able to live are able to split them back to neutral (not white). I've seen this play out 100s of times. It kind of destroys the theory that they can't control BPD and splitting and there are no grey areas? If their boss can piss them off and get split black how do BPD's give them a pass and not do the same for their SO's? 

[hithere]

YES!

This was something that came up often in our couples therapy.  She was able to control herself 90% of the time at work because of fear of losing it.  But when it came to home life I was hoping for a 20% improvement overall just to make life bearable but she could not do it.  What it comes down to is that people with BPD hurt those closest to them the most.

[struggli]

Mine holds her boss in a very high regard.

He is a billionaire.  He knows rich people.  He knows celebrities.

She admired that.  Even when he was being a complete dick to her, she would try to work harder to please him.

With me, if I was even a hint of a jerk -- making my boundaries known -- she would write me off. 

Her boss got her to wear lingerie to a work party (which pissed me off).  She said "He is European, he is very sexual, it's part of his culture, he's not lusting after me, etc... "  But my sexuality was squashed by her.  One time I suggested we go into a lingerie shop and buy something and she was disgusted by my mention of it. 

I guess it's the intimacy thing.

[OTH]

Funny, how come when it comes to a boss the exBPD can split their boss black, but a week later because exBPD require's money and a job to be able to live are able to split them back to neutral (not white). I've seen this play out 100s of times. It kind of destroys the theory that they can't control BPD and splitting and there are no grey areas? If their boss can piss them off and get split black how do BPD's give them a pass and not do the same for their SO's?  

Need is a great driver. She needs money and a job. So she comes back. If your ex finds herself in a hole after a breakup she might need you again and come back. How many times did your ex get mad at you and then get over it and be very loving. It was a roller coaster ride. This is the same thing only on a less severe level because intimacy isn't really a factor. The emotions do not run as deep.

You seem to be implying that she can control it rather than noticing a trend. That trend is she splits people black that annoy her. Whether she can control it or not does it really matter? This is how she treats people. That you know for a fact.

[seeking balance]

says a lot about boundries actually... .  

[freshlySane]

it all depends my ex can keep a job up to a certain point when she feels its not needed shell be really rude when she is fired shell lash out she is her own storm

[Faded]

i think they see people like their bosses (people they recognise as higher authority) as like a parent to them, someone who can nurture them and give them praise.

Just them very actions from a boss, nurturing and praise is enough for the BPD to become their child and for the higher authority to become their unconcious parent.

Again filling a void from their childhood without them even knowing it.

Quite clever really, and shows that the BPD unconcious mind can cope and adapt any situation to their needs whether they have the control or not.

If a BPD could sum it up they would probably hit you with the line 'Its simply complicated'.

[byeBlue]

Hi Robbz,

I work with my ex-BPD and his new victim (mama ). As I have to be strong every day: I read and I learn. The best way that works for me to understand BPD and the whole daily situation is: a BPD is an emotional retarded individual or a little boy mind inside an adult body. I have asked me the same question many many times since he is high functional at work and one of best performers, and this is my best answer to it:

'Every little boy knows how to behave when they know Santa Claus is coming'

ByeBlue

[j4c]

Hi Robbz,

I work with my ex-BPD and his new victim (mama ). As I have to be strong every day: I read and I learn. The best way that works for me to understand BPD and the whole daily situation is: a BPD is an emotional retarded individual or a little boy mind inside an adult body. I have asked me the same question many many times since he is high functional at work and one of best performers, and this is my best answer to it:



'Every little boy knows how to behave when they know Santa Claus is coming'

ByeBlue

Haha very good!

Another point id like to mention in regards to my ex is that even when shes being nice to peoples faces she could still be furious on the inside. Her old boss rang her once  and they had a very calm conversation about a work issue. Although there wasnt a bad word said, as soon as she hung up the phone she exploded telling me what a useless idiot he was!

I think they can control this to a certain degree with colleagues or family members but not with their nearest n dearest. Like iv said before, the closer you get the louder they scream at you.

[freshlySane]

Hi Robbz,

I work with my ex-BPD and his new victim (mama ). As I have to be strong every day: I read and I learn. The best way that works for me to understand BPD and the whole daily situation is: a BPD is an emotional retarded individual or a little boy mind inside an adult body. I have asked me the same question many many times since he is high functional at work and one of best performers, and this is my best answer to it:



'Every little boy knows how to behave when they know Santa Claus is coming'

ByeBlue

Haha very good!

Another point id like to mention in regards to my ex is that even when shes being nice to peoples faces she could still be furious on the inside. Her old boss rang her once  and they had a very calm conversation about a work issue. Although there wasnt a bad word said, as soon as she hung up the phone she exploded telling me what a useless idiot he was!

I think they can control this to a certain degree with colleagues or family members but not with their nearest n dearest. Like iv said before, the closer you get the louder they scream at you.

Yeah my ex new boss she loves but a couple times i heard her cursing her under her breath. its weird she had a huge authority problem she always have someone at work she cant stand or some boss she has no respect for but when she likes the job she builds these rapport with her managers.  Accountability i guess she has to be held accountable and she will listen in a relationship i guess its different that's their heart they using

[struggli]

says a lot about boundries actually... .  

SB, what did you mean by this?

[Newton]

OTH nailed it in his post... .