Hi Grad, Do you think the relationship would have worked better if you had validated her more? Or isn't that what you're suggesting?
Yes, the primary issue in our relationship was my suspicion of BPD but having the tools to manage her emotional issues. All I know of BPD at the time was fear of abandonment and the symptoms. During one of her emotional outbursts she actually said I wasn't ready to be in a relationship with her and she was right. I hurt her tremendously with the way I handled one situation in particular by cutting off any discussion of the issue (since she was seriously intoxicated). After the split when I realized what went wrong and where, she said I hurt her a lot that night.
Do I have love for her? Yes, the first time I've ever experienced feelings such as this and having the opportunity to date them. Do I think it would work long-term, probably not because of my daughter unless she sought help for her issues. She's never really been the vindictive BPD that I've read so much about on this board, in fact she still said she had love for me and I was a great guy after the split. Her negativity was mostly the passive-aggressive type.
And yes, I know I can find better, she's even said that much during our r/s. The problem is I'm still emotionally attached to her and sadistically enjoying feeling someone (even if is sadness) on an emotional level for the first time so I'm not really ready to move on just yet. She's even said she doesn't want me waiting around.
The no contact is necessary because when they're ignoring you or saying they'll call you in a few hours and never do, it speaks volumes as to what they really think. Actions speak louder than words.