Enough IZ Enough

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Hello All,

I believe I am the recycle "Poster Child".

However, enough is enough.

I will give you the super condensed, here-it-is version but for those who need just a hare more background, clink below

I the link below is my post from January 23rd.

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=192699.msg12189610#msg12189610

I am preparing my exit from my BPD g/f of 10 yrs.

I spent the last year "preparing" her to be without me. She has major abandonment issues but has developed a sense of community where she lives now (80 miles away) and there are several men there that find her attractive, or so she tells me at every opportunity.

So, just before Valentine's Day, I had written my script of exactly what I wanted to say over the phone and be done with it.

I asked that she not interrupt until I had finished, and she did it for the first time ever.

I explained to her how I came to this knowledge and that I had asked years ago that she sit down with me to look at this site to try and understand for herself, that she is not alone and neither am I.

To the chase... .  ultimately the conclusion that ours is a volatile, hostile relationship (the roller coaster is way too brutal) and I am leaving for good.



"Can I say just one thing"?... .  (BPD g/f).

I'm a pretty damn intelligent guy and my head is screwed on tight and actually looking forward

But she is very good at the guilt game. And I agree to go there for a few days "To see how it goes".

After reading some posts here in [L4] Staying: Improving A Relationship With A Borderline Partner", I wanted to believe that i could show here some things on here and start working on keeping it together.

But, I realize that this will NOT change. I am constantly being manipulated (I should say "letting myself be" and was given this latest deadline of TOMORROW to move in... .  because she can't wait anymore for me.

This is a major source of sickening anxiety and dread for me. Just hearing the phone ring... .  knowing it's her (because she HAS to talk to me every single day), creates such a feeling of distaste and disdain. If she can't reach me the first time, she will call and leave 10 messages, and 20 text messages. All very nasty and hateful. But when I call her back, she is sweet as can be.

Tomorrow, the expectation is for me to load my pick-up truck, go get her, drive her BACK HERE to my apartment so she can "HELP ME PACK" then I'll never have to come back here again.

Now, she does not have a car and has not seen my apartment since she moved out 14 months ago.

It will be painfully obvious to her upon walking in my Apt. that I had nointention of moving down there this entire time.

This will be a bad thing. This must not happen. And the way for that to not happen is to call her and tell her I'm not going,... .  again.

Two Weeks ago, she wore me down and recycleed me. I felt less-than, and I know I'm not... .  but I know!... .  I will resent her for "forcing" me to do this so she can have some peace of mind. I already still resent the fact that she moved 2 doors down from me right after i met her.

 A lot of it comes down to me missing my friend and not wanting to put her through that pain nor do I want to feel like I have to start over with someone else when WE know each other so well.

But, there is a opportunity available now that is potentially a Win-Win.

My mother is in her upper 70's and her husband is even older. They have a 5 acre ranch in Texas and could use some help getting around and with the ranch.

I'm thinking, my Mother gave me LIFE, I think I can give her a few years of it when it can potentially matter the most to provide comfort and quality of life... .  as the "Sun Goes Down".

Any thoughts, questions, comments?... .  They are MOST welcome... I have to make that call to her in the morning.

I'll check back in a little while... .  

That was long... .  but necessary... .  thnks for reading!

[tryingtofly]

Hello All,

I believe I am the recycle "Poster Child".

However, enough is enough.

I will give you the super condensed, here-it-is version but for those who need just a hare more background, clink below

I the link below is my post from January 23rd.

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=192699.msg12189610#msg12189610

I am preparing my exit from my BPD g/f of 10 yrs.

I spent the last year "preparing" her to be without me. She has major abandonment issues but has developed a sense of community where she lives now (80 miles away) and there are several men there that find her attractive, or so she tells me at every opportunity.

So, just before Valentine's Day, I had written my script of exactly what I wanted to say over the phone and be done with it.

I asked that she not interrupt until I had finished, and she did it for the first time ever.

I explained to her how I came to this knowledge and that I had asked years ago that she sit down with me to look at this site to try and understand for herself, that she is not alone and neither am I.

To the chase... .  ultimately the conclusion that ours is a volatile, hostile relationship (the roller coaster is way too brutal) and I am leaving for good.



"Can I say just one thing"?... .  (BPD g/f).

I'm a pretty damn intelligent guy and my head is screwed on tight and actually looking forward

But she is very good at the guilt game. And I agree to go there for a few days "To see how it goes".

After reading some posts here in [L4] Staying: Improving A Relationship With A Borderline Partner", I wanted to believe that i could show here some things on here and start working on keeping it together.

But, I realize that this will NOT change. I am constantly being manipulated (I should say "letting myself be" and was given this latest deadline of TOMORROW to move in... .  because she can't wait anymore for me.

This is a major source of sickening anxiety and dread for me. Just hearing the phone ring... .  knowing it's her (because she HAS to talk to me every single day), creates such a feeling of distaste and disdain. If she can't reach me the first time, she will call and leave 10 messages, and 20 text messages. All very nasty and hateful. But when I call her back, she is sweet as can be.

Tomorrow, the expectation is for me to load my pick-up truck, go get her, drive her BACK HERE to my apartment so she can "HELP ME PACK" then I'll never have to come back here again.

Now, she does not have a car and has not seen my apartment since she moved out 14 months ago.

It will be painfully obvious to her upon walking in my Apt. that I had nointention of moving down there this entire time.

This will be a bad thing. This must not happen. And the way for that to not happen is to call her and tell her I'm not going,... .  again.

Two Weeks ago, she wore me down and recycleed me. I felt less-than, and I know I'm not... .  but I know!... .  I will resent her for "forcing" me to do this so she can have some peace of mind. I already still resent the fact that she moved 2 doors down from me right after i met her.

 A lot of it comes down to me missing my friend and not wanting to put her through that pain nor do I want to feel like I have to start over with someone else when WE know each other so well.

But, there is a opportunity available now that is potentially a Win-Win.

My mother is in her upper 70's and her husband is even older. They have a 5 acre ranch in Texas and could use some help getting around and with the ranch.

I'm thinking, my Mother gave me LIFE, I think I can give her a few years of it when it can potentially matter the most to provide comfort and quality of life... .  as the "Sun Goes Down".

Any thoughts, questions, comments?... .  They are MOST welcome... I have to make that call to her in the morning.

I'll check back in a little while... .  

That was long... .  but necessary... .  thnks for reading!

[sad but wiser]

Is moving to Texas a realistic choice for your life?  I mean, do you have a job or other life (other than the BPD) that you are leaving?  If not, why not?  We nons have a tendency to want to rescue and be important to someone.  I think it is how we feel worthwhile.  Now I'm all for honoring and helping parents, especially when they need us, but you must understand your motivations or you'll just meet some sweet, helpless little gal in Texas and the cycle will start again.  Ugh!

[sad but wiser]

Regarding tomorrow, I suggest you read some of the detaching posts.  They are very enlightening.

[benny2]

No, I think I have you beat at being the recycled poster child Tryingtofly. 17 years of experience here. I am in the process of a recycle also, or so he thinks, but I am so on to him. I'm so tired of hearing, "things will get better" yaddah, yaddah, yaddah. Same old. Sure they may get better for a short time, but eventually, we are back in the same black hole. I give soo much credit to those that break away, and stay away. I hope you can do it too. As for me, I am doing some real soul searching this weekend before our planned rendezvous on monday. I really think I need to find something more constructive to do with my spare time. Maybe I will trade him in for a good book.

[sad but wiser]

Hey Diane, I just read "Brother Odd" by Dean Koontz - quite a good read.  Actually, I didn't recycle only because there was nothing left in me to give by the time we split up.  It wasn't anything brilliant or insightful on my part at all.  He just kept testing the relationship, so of course, eventually he reached the end of my rope.  Good luck on Monday.

[benny2]

Thanks sad but wiser, I will look that book up. I'm not even sure monday is going to happen. I have'nt heard much at all from him this weekend. Somehow I have this feeling something was up this weekend. Maybe another women? Who knows, but I do know I am not going to settle for being his bootie call, so knowing myself, I will probably try and end it again.