Need input on if I was dealing with someone of BPD

[Tired of it]

All of the signs were there.  I met her and then she disappeared for a year (lived in another state but said she was moving to mine).  She came back around a year later and we hung out only for her friend to say she was married.  I questioned her and she said they were divorced.  I stayed for some reason. I was normal then.  She found a job to transfer to in Texas and moved here.  It felt like a setup but I stayed.  She told me I was this great guy and that she felt we were meant to be and all of that only for her to start the rollercoaster. She paid for a lot of things when I needed (always paid her back). I thought this was because she loved me but it was the phase of her reeling me in.  Out of nowhere she would say I don't love her etc etc.  I caught her texting her ex husband "i miss you" and lying about seeing him blaming me for it.  Then I caught her texting a guy that was friends with her friends and blamed me saying she was lonely when I was there almost every night.  If I wasn't there for a night she would fuss.  Constant arguing for reasons I couldn't figure out.  Everything she was accusing me of, she was doing.  She could hang up on me and think nothing of it but if I did it then it meant we were over.  Ultimatums of if I didn't do this or that and she would leave, always via text.  Caught her bringing her son's dad home and lying about something that I caught her doing.  All flags.  We spent 2yrs together of ups and downs.  Always blaming me for whatever went wrong and when she did say she was wrong it was always a "but" added to it.  So many red flags. I got caught up in her web and found myself arguing with her all the time, walking on egg shells, and acting how she was acting to show her how it felt but all to just have things blamed on me.  Turned me into a very immature person. She left me and then about two months later came back around and we had sex only for her to tell me she was talking to someone (I thought about all the times she probably did it to me).  I asked what he would think and she said he probably wouldn't like it.  Red Flag.  For some reason I felt like she was the one and couldn't walk away.  She would come around out of nowhere and leave again.  Fast forward to recent.  December I tell her Merry Christmas and get nothing back.  I had been there playing her games all year of 2012 and told her I can't do that 2013.  She would always say maybe we would cross paths and if it was meant to be then it will be.  Happy New Year and nothing.  Happy Birthday on Jan 7th and then on the 8th she says "please stop, i'm being nice, seriously, please stop.  So I stop and three weeks later she ask me to take her out for "late birthday drinks".  I accept b/c I was trying to do the right thing and thinking that "we were crossing paths" and she wanted to try again.  We  hang out Friday, she comes over on a Tuesday and we had sex again and she tells me she loves me.  She ask me to promise to see her again on that Friday but then says she is exhausted and reschedules for Saturday only to never show, reply, or say anything.  I ask her if she really did love me and late sunday night she finally says yes but wants to take it slow.  I ask her if she is interested in anyone, talking to anyone, in a relationship with anyone and if so then I will let her be.  She says no.  Over time I find out about a guy.  I find out they are dating and I confronted her only to let her know that I knew only for her to blow up at me and blame me for everything telling me she loves him and hopes to marry him one day.  Tells me she never cheated on anyone and blames me more as if she didn't come over and have sex with me while she was more than likely fussing with this other guy (he was calling when we were out and then texting the day she came over but she didn't want to talk about it).  I'm drained emotionally and it has taken its effect on me.  The guy knows about her coming and having sex with me but they stayed together.  I never could prove she had sex with her ex husband or son's dad but hindsight shows that the probability was yes because she had just had sex with me but says she loves this other guy and hopes to marry him.  I figured out that there is no way to apply logic to anything and that is what drove me crazy.  I no longer feel normal.  I'm sure she has BPD.  Now they are still together despite him knowing what she did and appears that they will probably get married while i'm over here drained trying to get myself back together.  Crazy thing is she still says she was 110% committed to our relationship as if she doesn't remember doing all the stuff she did.  I guess in her mind it is all justified when I know it isn't right but that is logic and there is no logic with her.  Anyways, what do you think?

[Tired of it]

Mind you when we first met she pressured me heavily about moving in together and how I was her best friend yet she knew nothing about me.  Not even my favorite color.   There was always insecurity issues.

The thought I always had was things would be different if I had just married her.  She would see I didn't want anyone else.  She wouldn't have any more insecurity issues.  We wouldn't fight about me going to home to my apartment where I paid rent because I would now live with her.  She always pushed me to move in.  Always told me she was getting older (26) at the time and didn't have time to waste.  Said she wasn't going to have a kid after 30.  Constant pressure and I thought the cure all would be to marry her.  In my mind it seems like things would have been fine if I did that but I guess that it just my own mind thinking things would be but there is a very high possibility that I would have been getting myself into something much worse and just didn't know it.  After us being apart for a year and then her telling me to stop contacting her she came back around after three weeks of NC.  We had sex and she told me she loved me just to have her gone again within a couple of weeks saying she didn't want to rush into a relationship.  During that time I find out she is with someone else and when i confronted her and informed him of what was going on with her lying and apparent cheating, she tells me she never cheated on anyone, she loves him and plans to marry him one day.  No logic at all considering that she was just over sleeping with me.  Yet and still I am upset about it all instead of thanking God for not being with her.  I picture things with her and him being excellent but how could it be when she was sleeping with me?

[trevjim]

It certainly sounds like it, although only a proffesional can diagnose her officialy. Even if she isnt BPD, she showed enough redflags to show that something isnt right with her. She most likely wont change unless she gets help and even then its no likely she will.

on a side note when we first met she pressured me heavily about moving in together and how I was her best friend yet she knew nothing about me.  Not even my favorite color.    I completly forgot about the fact my ex said exactly the same thing, it wasnt as if i wasnt open or that i was hiding anything, she just never asked or the time to talk about something never came up. she would hold that against me.