How many of your spouses don't work

[waverider]

My husband is currently going through a sleeping pattern where he stays up all night, might take a nap to hold him over. Then once I get home from work he sleeps while I am there. I'm not complaining about it, I don't understand why he wants to sleep at this time but it gives me plenty of quiet time so I'm letting him do as he pleases. What's strange to me is that he will get back to a normal sleeping schedual by himself and as soon as it's somewhat normal he will take an extremly long nap at like 5:00 at night and his scedual is once again screwed up. I personally don't mind having the bed to myself, I sleep better anyways when he's not in the room. But like I said before, it causes problems if he needs to get up and do something during the day.

At least he is getting sleep, its really just the lack of normal structure that males it all a bit inconvenient and dysfunctional.

The real issues arise when they simply try to avoid sleep altogether, which we all know is impossible. Worse my partner did was 4 days and 3 nights straight. This is despite also taking valium, xanax, antidepressents, antipsychotics and drinking on top of it. Would have knocked a bull elephant out in minutes. Wasn't even keeping herself busy just sat at the kitchen table and snapped at anyone who said anything.

Dont know if there is a name for it. Its like the sleep version of bulemia.

I am glad that is behind us (hopefully)

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Cloudy Days]

I agree actually, I don't btch when he is sleeping. I've been around him when he won't sleep. He says he tries but I never saw him try very hard. he would fall asleep for an hour at a time while sitting in front of the TV, I could see that he wanted to sleep though and was tierd.

My husband is actually Bipolar so I've dealt with 4 months of him not sleeping at all because he was Mannic. This was before he was diagnosed with anything. It was a nightmare, he didn't run out of energy but he wasn't all there. He was delusional and kept seeing things. He would aslo look for things to get pissed off about. So if he starts showing a pattern of zero sleep I look into it seriously. He had a habbit of taking the pills to try and go to sleep too, Xanax, Valum, muscle relaxers, ambian. He would sleep for maybe an hour and then be up and causing havoc in no time. He eventually had to be hospitalized he had 4 different kinds of pills in his system. He wasn't attempting suicide either. Deffinatly glad that is over. Hope I never see him like that again. It's good to know what to look for. Had I known at the time he was Bipolar, I would have seen the signs a lot sooner.

[Foreverhopefull]

In regards to housework/helping out with chores: I get him to do things by not doing them myself. For example, I always leave my dishes in the sink during the weekdays (when I'm working), the washer/dryer are in his man cave, so he get's to do it... .  otherwise he deals with my presence (and I make sure to sit and watch TV with him and ask tons of questions so he "kicks me out", I will not sweep or vacuum, at one point he will do it. It took me to accept that my house was not showroom clean. Of course, this only works of your SO is also a clean freak... .  otherwise forget it.

In regards to sleeping: The sleeping pattern is what I have the most difficulty with, currently he goes to bed at either 5-6pm, wakes up at 1-2am, then back to sleeping by 5am till about 11am or, the one I hate the most, stays up till 2am, sleeps till noon, then naps from 3pm to 6pm. I used to stay as quiet as possible not to wake him up, now I do what I would do if he was awake (i.e. cooking, cleaning, watching TV while still trying to reduce some of the noise... .  I don't want to wake a hibernating bear)

In regards to him cooking: Forget it. I love cooking, so I do it over the weekend. I prepare a few meals (enough for the week), deserts, etc. I make sure there is at least 1 meal he truly loves (he's worst than a toddler to feed at times, all he wants is junk food) and he wants to eat no matter his state (his comfort food of sort) and I make sure he has enough for every meal. That being said, what is in the fridge has to be eaten because I won't make anything else until it is.

Another way I got him to do things, is take "advantage" of his good moments. When I notice how good he's doing, I will ask for his "help" with something. That makes him feel like he is useful around the house and has some worth. I can help with him feeling good slightly longer.

[Auspicious]

There may need to be a balance, and it can tough to achieve or figure out.

My wife helps out a lot more than she used to. But she really does face significant challenges in her functioning (she is diagnosed both BPD and bipolar).

I've had to accept that while she can usually watch the kids for a few hours, she isn't going to be able to watch them all summer, for example. Not unless or until her functioning improves a lot.

Trying to gently push for improvement without demanding of her what she simply can't do, is a tough balance to strike.

[dmiller]

My husband has had jobs but is always in a continous cycle of either getting layed off or him quitting or something happening with his job. He usually does pursue trying to find employment but maybe NOT to the extend that he should sometimes. (but I have also experienced that with Non BPD people) He does show a desire to be employed because it seems to give him stability about himself. But when he is not working he is off and on with the help around the house. He will not cook or do dishes. He will and does all the laundry. I never have to worry about clean clothing. He will do very detail cleaning such as mopping, dusting etc... .  He does have issues with the sleeping... .  usually has to take something to help him go to sleep. He gets very off track and has to get back when he doesn't have a job. I have come to realize that I either accept the employment issues or NOT. And currently today, I am accepting it because I do see effort on his part. He has drawn unemployment and I know exactly how you feel about it feels like he just thinks oh I can take a break. But I have to say, He does get bored and wants a job, so he starts getting on the ball again. He starts a new job on Monday, even though he still has unemployment available, so I thought that was a good effort for him. I know there's lots of negative with BPD but there are some positives (cleaning  ) if you want to look at the bright side. And we do have to just realize that we have a choice. Either accept somethings or NOT. Everyone... .  everyone has issues, some just are not to this extend. I am sure we all know that. Good luck.