Why do we keep looking?

[MakeItHappen]

Hi All,

I'm fairly certain that my exBPD has a new girlfriend.

Maybe I'm wrong but, doubt it. Why do I keep "looking" to see if I can confirm it? Why can't I leave it alone?

I feel as though I really don't care but can't seem to help myself in confirming this "new" person.

It makes me sick every time I go looking.

Anyone else have this issue? What do you do for it?

I know that in time, I won't look at all but for now, yuck.

[expos]

My theory... .  

They have absolute stranglehold on your emotions.  Most of us are just normal people, but people with BPD have an uncanny ability to control your life and just about everything you do.  You spend hours upon hours emotionally invested to them, whether it's good or bad.  They influence your decision-making, yet you feel like you are major part of them too, only you are a prisoner.  This is Stockhold Syndrome that you AGREED to do in the beginning by WANTING them in your life. 

The idea of them throwing you away for someone else is absolutely devastating.  It symbolizes that you meant nothing.  You are still attached to them, which is the reason you are trying to find out about this new girlfriend.  It hurts so much to be replaced.

BUT THIS SAYS NOTHING ABOUT YOU! lolol.  You are great person, you just got tied up with the wrong person! 

I am at the point where I have stopped idealizing my ex-wife.  I made more money, have more friends, was more intelligent in broad scope, and far more talented than she was at anything.  She could control and destroy... .  that was her strength. 

You will get through this.  Eventually you'll see the light.  I'm starting to.  Keep on this site and we'll talk you through it... .  

   

[mango_flower]

I do the same.  It's like OUCH.

It's almost like your mean, sabotaging little person in your mind wants to keep suffering a bit more... .  cos that's what the BPD-ex has left you believing.  That you're worthless and easily replaceable.

You're almost looking to confirm a self-fulfilling prophecy almost.

But let me tell you something, you ARE worth it.  And you deserve better x

[MakeItHappen]

Oh Boy!

The pit in my stomach, I want to puke!

It's confirmed!

Just saw a post of a mutual friend and yep, my exBPD has another girlfriend.  Just like that! Not even a month later and BOOM!

"They're so in love... .  "

I'm shaking, wish to puke and just keep shaking my head in belief/disbelief.

My thoughts are: What if my exBPD isn't BPD (w/NPD traits) and I really was a horrible person? How can that be? I know I'm not!

Gross, she's so nasty. I can't believe it. It's really over. Puke, disgust. Over it. Moron, AAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!

This new GF is posting comments that she loves my ex BPD and all the world to see it and everyone is thinking it's so damn cute, blah blah... .  

I mean, shouldn't that be questioned?

OK, must calm down... .  

Completely nauseous. When WILL THIS END?

I mean, I know I am over it, I know I am better off without her but shi*!

Why the hell is this upsetting me so much!

:'(

[crashintome]

I am obsessed with my ex and her current partner.  A big part of it is because I want to know when they split so I can be prepared for the next recycle.  Another reason is because I want to know if she is using the same BS lines on her that she used on me. 

A small part of me also wonders if this new girl is more or less stupid than I am and how long she will put up with it all.

[MakeItHappen]

I am obsessed with my ex and her current partner.  A big part of it is because I want to know when they split so I can be prepared for the next recycle.  Another reason is because I want to know if she is using the same BS lines on her that she used on me. 

A small part of me also wonders if this new girl is more or less stupid than I am and how long she will put up with it all.

Clearly, we're on the same page. It's exactly, how I'm feeling!

[tut-uncommon]

Makeithappen,

We all do that. Im not sure why,  maybe because we cant process the HOT COLD split. It doesnt make sense to us and perhaps we are in some form of denial? or we are hoping they will see their mistake and come back to us.

Unfortunately, they will keep repeating their behavior and the new girl you see him with now will join you later. Thus, this board increases.

- Tut