Maybe the BPO just isn't that into us?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Ok... I talking out loud here. In my short time on this site, the vast majority of us appear to have been dumped by our BPO significant other. I'll add myself to this list as well though we've "cycled" several times with typically me chasing and getting her back only to get kicked to the curb again.

So my question is... why is it a BPO issue vs a simple "she/he is just not that into you"? Non BPO's people dump and end relationships out of the blue all the time. I guess what I've been thinking is, if these  BPO people REALLY, TRULY loved us, they wouldn't dump us or push us away. Are we just not accepting that we've been dumped, in some cases multiple times?

I'm tired and am not sure I'm making sense here. I'm personally still shell shocked 10 days after my now ex-BPOGF picked a stupid fight and stormed out of my house telling me it wasn't going to work... . again... I shouldn't be shocked. It's happened several times before. I guess I just think this women couldn't of truly loved me or cared about me due to quitting on the relationship, joining a dating site not a week after and is looking for someone else.

I just think it's to easy to say we got dumped because of BPO vs. maybe they just weren't that into us and our insecurities can't take it...

[freshstart48]

Ok... I talking out loud here. In my short time on this site, the vast majority of us appear to have been dumped by our BPO significant other. I'll add myself to this list as well though we've "cycled" several times with typically me chasing and getting her back only to get kicked to the curb again.

So my question is... why is it a BPO issue vs a simple "she/he is just not that into you"? Non BPO's people dump and end relationships out of the blue all the time. I guess what I've been thinking is, if these  BPO people REALLY, TRULY loved us, they wouldn't dump us or push us away. Are we just not accepting that we've been dumped, in some cases multiple times?

I'm tired and am not sure I'm making sense here. I'm personally still shell shocked 10 days after my now ex-BPOGF picked a stupid fight and stormed out of my house telling me it wasn't going to work... . again... I shouldn't be shocked. It's happened several times before. I guess I just think this women couldn't of truly loved me or cared about me due to quitting on the relationship, joining a dating site not a week after and is looking for someone else.

I just think it's to easy to say we got dumped because of BPO vs. maybe they just weren't that into us and our insecurities can't take it...

[mtmc01]

A lot of it is in the way they handle it, IMO. Your argument would be a lot more valid if most of us weren't dumped soon after hearing things like "I can't live without you", "you're my entire life", "I love you more than anything in the world", etc., etc.

[mtmc01]

Rationalizing their actions is a pretty major pitfall, IMO. It's when I tend to slip into depressive episodes. Sure, some of us (myself DEFINITELY included) contributed in no small way to the issues in the relationship. BUT, we also put up with more than any sane and self-loving person would have and were oftentimes not given anywhere near the chance we gave our ex-BPD.

[freshstart48]

A lot of it is in the way they handle it, IMO. Your argument would be a lot more valid if most of us weren't dumped soon after hearing things like "I can't live without you", "you're my entire life", "I love you more than anything in the world", etc., etc.

OK... I get this and lived this as well. Hell, she was telling me THAT MORNING how much she loved me, wanted to be my next wife, have my last name, etc... 2 hours later, she'd picked a stupid fight, checked out and I knew she'd be running away again and I was right.  So... I get the behavior of "I love you, can't live w/out you", I'm so thankful god brought you to me" and all the other lovely stuff only to flip flop in a matter of minutes or hours, show's certain "issues" or mental illiness. You still have to wonder though if they were so into us, why they could not of controlled themselves like they do in the beginning of the relationship. You'd think they would not want to RISK losing us and being alone again.

[mtmc01]

I feel like you're skipping over a pretty large part of the disorder to beat yourself up. Do you really think that BPD's understand what "love" really is to begin with? They truly THINK they love us, but it all comes down to the root issues of fear of abandonment, emptiness, lack of self, rapidly changing ideals, etc.

[freshstart48]

I feel like you're skipping over a pretty large part of the disorder to beat yourself up. Do you really think that BPD's understand what "love" really is to begin with? They truly THINK they love us, but it all comes down to the root issues of fear of abandonment, emptiness, lack of self, rapidly changing ideals, etc.

Listen, I'm not trying to beat myself up. I still feel I have a decent amount of good self image. Maybe I'm to "normal" to get how they go from loving us one minute to trying to replace us the next. Again, I get they have a disorder, issues, mental illness, etc. It just seems to me that if we were providing everything they felt they needed or wanted, they wouldn't devalue us so quickly and move on.

[jj2121]

A lot of it is in the way they handle it, IMO. Your argument would be a lot more valid if most of us weren't dumped soon after hearing things like "I can't live without you", "you're my entire life", "I love you more than anything in the world", etc., etc.

OK... I get this and lived this as well. Hell, she was telling me THAT MORNING how much she loved me, wanted to be my next wife, have my last name, etc... 2 hours later, she'd picked a stupid fight, checked out and I knew she'd be running away again and I was right.  So... I get the behavior of "I love you, can't live w/out you", I'm so thankful god brought you to me" and all the other lovely stuff only to flip flop in a matter of minutes or hours, show's certain "issues" or mental illiness. You still have to wonder though if they were so into us, why they could not of controlled themselves like they do in the beginning of the relationship. You'd think they would not want to RISK losing us and being alone again.

I think it is because they may not be capable of any good permanent relationship if they are untreated. Also they seem to struggle when people get too close , my ex made me commit to her then dumped me a week later,that is not normal to me. Also she still wanted me in her life, she would contact me everyday for months,saying she loved me,but could not give me what I want and that she needed help, then she would deny it. They devalue everyone when something triggers it, I think that is the point.

[mtmc01]

They are just repeating a cycle over and over again. They mirror us in the beginning, and everything seems great, happily ever after, and all of that. Then, at least in my case, I realized she was a very troubled and depressed person who was terrified I would leave her. These people have DEEP issues that go back to their childhoods and they can't possibly comprehend why they feel or act the way they do.