Sexual orientation confusion?

[tut-uncommon]

Has anyone here seen their PBD gf/bf switch from gay/straight or straight/gay?

I've heard that gender confusion is common with this disorder.

Any experiences? Thoughts?

[mtmc01]

While we were together, my exBPD girlfriend went through a lesbian-ish phase. She never actually acted on it, but she started looking at a lot of photos of models and that type of thing and talking about it with me and pointing out "hot" women, etc.

[tut-uncommon]

same here, although she was more secretive about it.

[whereisthezen]

If my r/s keeps up Id gladly jump ship to a woman.

Non-BPD so it probably doesnt count :-)

[mtmc01]

I think it just goes with the lack of an identity. They don't know what they want, so they just bounce from extreme to extreme. Mine went from that and talking about threesomes to a hardcore Christian in a matter of months... .

[trevjim]

Mine had two sexual ecounters with woman in the past before me, and told me that if we broke up she was done with men and wanted a girlfriend, when we did break up she got with someone the next day, an ex, who is a man

[nolisan]

My ex identified herself a "pan-sexual" - in my reading on BPD it appears to be a common trait.

Pansexuality, or omnisexuality,[1] is sexual attraction, sexual desire, romantic love, or emotional attraction toward persons of all gender identities and biological sexes.[2][3] Self-identified pansexuals may consider pansexuality a sexual orientation,[3] and refer to themselves as gender-blind, asserting that gender and sex are insignificant or irrelevant in determining whether they will be sexually attracted to others.[4] The Oxford English Dictionary defines pansexuality as, "not limited or inhibited in sexual choice with regard to gender or activity".[5]The concept of pansexuality deliberately rejects the gender binary, the "notion of two genders and indeed of specific sexual orientations",[3] as pansexual people are open to relationships with people who do not identify as strictly men or women.[3][6]

[HostNoMore]

My exBPDgf would definitely go both ways in a heartbeat.  She was so blatant about it that it was kind of creepy.

I would say she is primarily hetero but capable of switching on impulse.  She also exhibited religious orientation confusion too on more than a few occasions and was into deviant sexual practices way beyond my comfort level.  I guess the lack of core identity leads to a borderline being much like a leaf in the wind in many ways.

I've had close friendships with folks across the entire sexual orientation spectrum over the years.  My non-hetero friends are true to themselves and are very natural and fun folks to be with while the BPDex was shall we say seemingly an artificial construct as you just never knew what would be next from her.  To not be able to experience a true identity within one's self must be a horrible experience.  I do know that my BPD experience has solidified my self identity which was a good thing for me. 

[wowjer]

My exuBPDw would refer to herself as ASEXUAL.  She had a few experiences with girls and yet claimed herself to be heterosexual at times.  When we were together she wanted to be with girls.  When she did not want to be with girls and idolizing me, she wanted me.  Then when she painting me black, she wanted NOTHING and the "asexual" line appeared. 

Till this day, I do not know the answer and neither does she. 

[SarahinMA]

I don't think my ex has ever acted on it, but a lot of people thought he was gay.  He was pretty effeminate and metro- and sometimes he would say things that made me wonder if he was gay.  After we broke up, many people told me that they thought he did it because he was gay, but I think it goes back to what someone said earlier- no identity or true sense of self.  Plus, his mother was very controlling when he grew up. 

[badromance]

I was my exBPDgf's first woman experience. I think it had a lot to do with timing of us meeting. She was just ending a marriage of a year and half yrs. I was supportive, validating and doing all the right things... she was charming, sexy and very attentive to my needs. It continued for 7 months until one day she just called and said she couldn't do it anymore. I believe the fear of actual self kicked in when approached by several of her friends asking about us. After several recycle episodes, she has since went back to dating a man but still wants me around. Of course staying in the picture is not a healthy option for me and opted to take the high road. So now feels the need to rub it in my face at every oppotunity. Her ending the relationship abruptly and beginning another so quickly is not a surprise after learning about BPD, but it doesn't make it hurt any less either. I would not classify her as being gay or bi-sexual. Just a person that needs attention, validation and treated like a pricess all the time as long as you don't get too attached or say I love you.

[GreenMango]

Fluctuating sexual identity based in whatever feels right at the time shows a lack of consistent identity and looking to outside forces for direction instead of being internally driven. 

This goes for more than just sexuality if a person struggles with BPD.  Self direction and identity are huge struggles for someone with this disorder and I'd guess you've probably seen this in other areas of their life too - job, future, etc.

[LostSunshine]

I'm not sure if its confusion... .   which is what has me confused.  I would suppose that if there was a stable sense of identity within as far as their orientation then perhaps sexual activity between them and someone who isn't in line with that orientation (i.e. me, a male) wouldn't keep happening right?

Yet it did... .   as recently as 2 nights ago.  However she's supposed to be in a civil "union" with her current idealized GF (ceremony in Vegas) and is moving out within the next month or so.

She says she's not confused at all... .   but can she really claim that when she still flirts and acts sexual with me?  Is it comfort (with me)? Confusion?  Justification (on her part)?

I don't know.  All I know is I can't make sense of it.