He says he's leaving (again)

[arabella]

Yes, I need to remember that distinction between 'causing me problems' and 'being my problem'. Is it wrong to wish someone would just fall off the planet?

Staying out of the path of negativity is harder than it sounds, isn't it? H seems to take an all-or-nothing approach with his emotional swings. So if he's upset about an email he's also upset about making dinner or how fast the internet pages are loading. And he doesn't realize that it's the email that upset him in the first place (I don't usually piece it together until far after the fact myself). I have these moments where I wonder if separating might be easier, just to escape the drama. It's not a solution though, it's just avoidance.

We got into an argument yesterday over the separation issue. His P suggested we talk about it more (this was such a stupid suggestion, why did I go along with it?) So we got into a fight over the practicalities of one of us moving out and all that happened was that I had to re-convince H that my moving out was a better idea than him moving out. For some reason though, H really wants to be the one to move - part of the 'running away' concept I guess?

It's bizarre to watch him try to reconcile 'the r/s is the problem' and 'it matters which one of us physically moves'. He's decided he feels guilty for 'kicking me out' if I'm the one leaving. I told him again that it's not the moving that's the issue, it's his abandoning the r/s and leaving me in a lurch regarding job/finances/transportation - I thought we were a team. Then he decided he feels guilty for not wanting to take care of me anymore. So now he's mad at me because I make him feel guilty. I pointed out that I don't 'make' him feel anything so there was nothing I do about that. I'm alternating between sobbing and silently raging - it's exhausting.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.