Todays thoughts

[theboro504]

I am curious what the average age is here. My struggle lately is after this carving out of my soul, I look at life now from the age of 53 and a reality hits me. If I take my lessons from this nightmare, both from what was done to me and the mistakes I made, the odds of me ever being long term, or married again (which I use to hope for) don’t look too good.

If I take the time, which I would now, to get to know someone, for them to truly fall in love with me and it be real this time, for us to build trust and intimacy and all that is needed to make a go of it, takes a lot of time. Well, from where I sit, it looks quite bleak. Add in at least another year just to get over this and I am into my late 50’s before anything like a real relationship can happen.

I am doing positive things for myself and I can see some light now, but the thought of trying this again makes me physically ill. Assuming that ever passes, it’s tough to see real companionship in my future and I wonder if I need to regroup and steer myself towards a life without it.

For those of you on here who are much younger than I am, I would lovingly urge you to work on yourself now, not later. Later gets here faster than you can imagine. Take advantage of your recent lessons and your youth.

[hithere]

Your concerns are legit but I think you are giving them too much power over you.  No one knows what the future holds and you could easily be in a healthy relationship in the next year or two, 55-75 is a good solid 20 years and you live longer... .  

Don't bother with time limits, just keep working on feeling better and you will be fine!

[LetItBe]

Your concerns are legit but I think you are giving them too much power over you.  No one knows what the future holds and you could easily be in a healthy relationship in the next year or two, 55-75 is a good solid 20 years and you live longer... .  

Don't bother with time limits, just keep working on feeling better and you will be fine!

Exactly this.

I understand feeling blah.  That's normal right now.  You're recovering from a trauma, basically.  It will get better if you keep working toward that.  The sun will shine on you again.  Hang in there.

I know a lady in her early 70s who met her boyfriend last Fall.  He's 10 years older.  They're both quite vivacious and really enjoying themselves.  It's looking promising and like they might be together long-term.

[theboro504]

Well, I forgot to mention my children are still young and I have found that seems to be cutting my odds down considerably. I thought it was suppose to be men who didn't want women with young kids. Seems the opposite is just as true if not more so.

[theboro504]

This post was probably more suited for the dating board but I have no idea how to move it... . sorry bout that

[hithere]

my children are still young and I have found that seems to be cutting my odds

When you meet the right person you will figure out a way to make it work.  :)on't sweat the details right now, just work on yourself and the rest will come in-time.  One thing I have found out in life, expect the unexpected, those are the things that change our lives. Just stay open to opportunity and try and think more positive.

[mango_flower]

Interesting perspective.  I'm younger, early-mid 30s. But I feel maybe more panic  in a different way, as I want children one day, and time is running out.  We had plans to try for a family in a couple of years... .   and now I feel like, by the time I meet somebody, it's going to be too late... .  

[LetItBe]

Interesting perspective.  I'm younger, early-mid 30s. But I feel maybe more panic  in a different way, as I want children one day, and time is running out.  We had plans to try for a family in a couple of years... .   and now I feel like, by the time I meet somebody, it's going to be too late... .  

I used to worry a lot about that, too, mango.  In fact, I stayed too long in an unhealthy r/s (not BPDxbf) because of my sense of urgency to have a baby.  Thank goodness that didn't happen with him!  I don't have many years left to have a child.  It took some time, but I've decided not to let that fear run my life.  Now, for me, finding the right partner is a higher priority than having a child.  If it works out where we get to have a child, great.  It definitely took some time to accept that that might not happen, though, so I do understand your panic.  

[BorderlineMagnet]

I'm in the same boat as Mango age wise, and wants wise. My ex pwBPD had 2 kids and that was a big reason I wanted to be with her. I want a family pretty bad. But her fear was that I wouldn't someday and that's what caused her abandonment fears, and she pushed me away by finding the usual dirtbag she's used to. I would really like another shot at being with her though, as I can guarantee that her kids will be safe, and taken care of if I'm in the picture too. Her high-functioning abilities do make her a great mom and it's so hard to know this guy that just wants her for sex is weaseling into her kids lives for that very reason.