Underlying Rage Months after the split from BP ex

[Farside]

Hi,

I've been no contact with my BPD ex for four months now and that is the way I like it. But I have so much anger towards her maybe because of recent events. I met her in February last year and it was the usual idealisation etc. The typical beginnings of a relationship with someone with BPD. Within a month of meeting me shed decided to move to my city with her three kids (she lived about a 2 hour drive from me). Anyway the relationship crumbled very much like the case with all BPD relationships. It was push pull, three breakups, moods, her self harming to make me scared to leave her alone. It was awful.

So almost a year later I reached the point where I just couldn't take it anymore. That's when I left after being completely ignored for days on end. I'd been through this too many times to fight the battle once again. During this time the majority of her family turned against her and backed her ex husband for custody of the children. They said she was an unsuitable parent which after recent events I now know she is. She was renting a house here off a landlord that I know through a friend. Recently I've found out that she had come on to her next door neighbour / friend and was turned down (this apparently made her outrage and arrogant at the how could you possibly turn me down!) Unlike the borderline waif she mostly was.

Prior to this she had just signed another 12 month tenency agreement (at her reauest) After being denied by her neighbour Within three weeks she had gotten her claws into her neighbours friend. After three weeks of dating she was engaged to this new woman and wanted out of her contract to move to a new town. The landlord told her they would reduce the contract to six months. this wasn't good enough for her so she told them she was leaving anyway. I have since found out my name was mud after the break up which I expected anyway. She has spread lies about me which is what I expected.

She did an overnight flit from her property and has left it in a disgusting mess (this doesn't surprise me because she was lazy and lived in filth). She destroyed and relationships with friends here after we parted company and made enemies for herself. Her ex husband moved here to be near his kids and she's taken them away again. Her children were happy and settled in school and she's disrupted them again to a new location that the area is horrible anyway. She's living in a two bedroom flat with an apparent volitile fiancé three children and three dogs. I now know why her family wanted the father to have custody. My hatred for her has gotten worse knowing how selfish she is and what she's putting her children through.

My anger isn't at any envy at all. The months I've been free of her have been the best and most productive I've had in years. I am thankful every day I wake up that I am free of her. I know I am the only person who knows the depths of her mental instibility and I am the only person who could proove how messed up she actually is. In a way maybe I feel regret for standing by her when I knew she was unstable (but me thinking I could fix her etc). I just don't know what to do with my anger. Sorry for the long post but I'm kinda lost as to how to deal with the inner rage.

[LoveNotWar]

Check out the stages of grief, anger is one of the stages. It's sort of normal to hit that anger stage but the trick is to work through it and move towards detachment and acceptance.

So sorry for those children... .