Grandiose Romance

[Buzz77]

Anyone else have exes who talked as if they (and yourself) were characters in a great romantic novel or movie?

My ex talked about falling in love with me since I was such "a beautiful mess."  Referred to her exes also as "beautiful messes," that though they don't talk anymore, she still "loves to this day," each and every one of them. Always wanted me to do cliched romantic gestures, like kiss her in the rain... .

Of course I know being grandiose and overly romantic is not just a BPD phenomenon; many in rltps, esp. in the honeymoon phase, are high on romance. And I of course enabled the excessive romance (and became somewht addicted myself). Just wondering if anyone sensed something off or abnormal w/ exes in this arena?

[confetti]

oh, my... . yes

always talked about how him and i were the ideal romantic partners, why cant others be like us, blah blah blah, why do his friends even bother with their relationship when they see ours



really interesting to think about, though!

i would say this isn't a ~thing~ with this disorder, however it is magical thinking and a for any unhealthy relationship. i think.a true partner will view it as it is and not exercise crazy fantasies

[leftbehind]

My ex was extremely romantic.  In a really over the top way, but I have to admit I loved it.  Too bad it was part of his idealization stage and not real.

[Murbay]

Same here, except for when the fantasy became real life.

We would go to the grave of her movie star ex to lay flowers on his birthday. He died from an overdose but apparently tried to call her as he was dying, only she didn't pick up the phone because she was mad at him.

The father of her eldest daughter ran away in the middle of the night and has never been in contact since. However, later found out he told her she was broken and incapable of love (guess he figured out the BPD and definitely went no contact)

Then there was me, she decided overnight she wanted a divorce because we loved each other so much and like Richard Burton and Liz Taylor, if it's meant to be, we will find each other again in the future.

Only when I brought her back down to reality, that story changed to that I ran off in the middle of the night, leaving her and the children struggling and alone (I guess she didn't have time to think so she went with a story she already knew). She was livid that I flew to New York instead of back to the UK because it screwed up her fantasy and control. She made up false allegations to the police that I'm somehow going to turn up and steal the kids from her.

I think the funniest (and I can laugh at it now) was when I took her out for a romantic meal in December. In the middle of a full restaurant, she burst into tears as though I had just ended the relationship and created such a scene without anything being said or done to provoke it. The most embarrassing part was the free desert and free meal we got as a result of it because the staff had no idea what was going on and neither did I. However, the looks I got from the other customers, you would have thought I had just ended the marriage.

You have to love these little fantasy worlds 

[KellyO]

My ex-bf was super-romantic. In the movie-like way. I don't really know what to make out of it, because it was not genuine. It was just what he is, shallow gestures and when they end, nothing. He never gave me a single flower because I told him I don't like roses. Because in movies every woman loves roses and chocolates, he got mad at me for not wanting roses. He got so attached in the thought of me not wanting roses it never occured him to ask me what I want then. I would have said I like tulips. See? What I like did not matter at all! But it was never about what I want, it was about living his idea of romance and me being evil and not letting him to have his ideal romance. *sigh*

[leftbehind]

my ex and I went through a hurricane storm together, where we both lost electricity.  I lost mine for 5 days.  He lost his for maybe 2 days.

anyway, he never threw out the food in his fridge.  one day post hurricane and when the power was back, he asked me if I wanted to share gelato that he had in his fridge.  I'm funny about food and wouldn't eat any of it, knowing he lost power for two days.  He told me he had bought this gelato a while back (before we got together), thinking to himself that he'll eat it with his love when he finally meets her.  I told him I didn't want any. 

I think me not eating the gelato with him messed up his magical romantic thinking, and was a black mark against me.  Like, "She can't be my true love, she won't eat this gelato with me."  I know it sounds crazy, but that's what I sensed from him. 

Looking at how everything turned out, I think my intuition may have been right.  Keep your half melted gelato, Jackass!

[MaybeSo]

One of the diagnostic criteria of BPD is alternating between extremes of idealization (which is grandiose) and devaluation. The diagnostic criteria for NPD mentions grandiosity and a preoccupation with perfect love.

You see evidence of this here all the time on the relationship boards... . nearly every single story of courtship felt like a heightened, peak experience of love/romance... . for both the non and the partner.