It hurts to know they're prancing around- having fun, having sex and I'm all but a mere distant object. Has anymore felt this intermittent sadness? Anger? Self loathing even?
That's the thing. If they are truly BPD they aren't prancing around and having fun. They're constantly on the lookout for someone, anyone who will fill the void of their shame, abandonment pain and emptiness. They are looking for unconditional love (like we were) in the wrong places. With every relationship experience the emptiness only deepens, the acting out behavior worsens and their emotional pain deepens as the black vortex that it is. They aren't happy. Far from it. They are master's at wearing the mask but truly hate themselves on the inside. There's a self-loathing that lives in them than you can't even begin to imagine. This is why they often abuse by self-soothing with drugs, alcohol and sex trying to run on a treadmill with no power.
This is their reality for they are truly suffering.
We give them too much superhuman power. They are broken tortured souls and I wouldn't wish their pain on my worst enemy.
There is a huge misconception that they do not suffer... . that they don't live the consequences of their actions... . but that is simply no true.
You my friend are no object unless you believe you're one. Your heart may have been broken but you can put your life back together; most BPD's cannot (because recovery work is tough as nails... . ) and will play the pretend game of "fake happy" at a high price. They pay with their lives.
If we detach we have a chance at REAL happiness by giving ourselves unconditional love, validation and forgiveness. We wanted these things from deeply flawed and truly sick human beings.
